Wikipedia:Peer review/Disco Demolition Night/archive1

Disco Demolition Night edit

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because… we intend to take it to FAC soon, possibly with a view to get it through in time to be an April Fools' candidate.

Thanks, Wehwalt (talk) 21:51, 15 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Crisco 1492: Just to get this out of the way: I don't watch baseball, and am not a big fan, so some things which may seem obvious to fans might slip past me.

File:Disco demolition.jpg is a little big (1) and from the Associated Press (2). That second one pretty much precludes it from being used, per NFCC #2, specifically "A photo from a press or photo agency (e.g., AP, Corbis or Getty Images), unless the photo itself is the subject of sourced commentary in the article."
File:Rod Stewart 86.jpg If this is free I'll eat my hat. Web-resolution, uploaded by someone with several copyvios in their history
File:Old comiskey park.jpg - Based on the uploader's past history, this looks okay. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 13:40, 17 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]
File:Garry Meier.jpg - Image is blurry at thumbnail size. Force it to 200px.
File:Steve Dahl.jpg - Appears fine.

After mentioning films we should have a year, like Saturday Night Fever.
famous - Not good. Regarded, perhaps
rock n roll - Article is at rock and roll
The sound known as disco descends from music at inner-city New York clubs in the early 1970s, where disc jockeys would play imported dance music to get the crowd moving. With roots in African-American, Latino, and gay cultures, disco, as it came to be called because it was popular in discotheques, became midstream by the mid-1970s. - This is a little confusing. Perhaps "The sound known as disco, named for its popularity in discotheques, was started in inner-city New York clubs in the early 1970s, where disc jockeys would play imported dance music to get the crowd moving. With roots in African-American, Latino, and gay cultures, disco became midstream by the mid-1970s." or another way to cut back on the commas.
Worried about underlinking (i.e. gay culture, Latino music, and African-American music could all be linked in the above two paragraphs)
all the rage - Sounds too colloquial
Some felt the music too mechanical—Time magazine deemed it a "diabolical thump-and-shriek"—but others hated the music for the scene associated with it, feeling that in the disco scene, personal appearance and style of dress were overly important. - Perhaps this could be split. Certainly we should avoid scene ... scene
"you can draw more people with a losing team plus bread and circuses than with a losing team and a long, still silence". - Losing/losing? Hmm... I would have thought it would be more powerful with losing/winning (but that's just me, if he didn't say it no problem)
Lots of quotes which can be paraphrased. "to make sure that when you visit Comiskey Park you'll see more than a baseball game … whether we won or lost you will have had fun" is one example.
Link important terms at first mention in the body (team's names, etc.)
Alright, I'll stop there for tonight. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 13:40, 17 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for your comments, and I appreciate your sparing the time from your resumption of studies. I agree with most of these and will change them. I think "all the rage" is OK for purposes of this particular article, in which rage at disco played a major parts of events. What Veeck is saying is that if you are stuck with a losing team, by getting the fans to have a good time at the ballpark you can still have good attendance. He was known for stunts, most notably this and also in the 1950s sending a, er, little person, to the plate.--Wehwalt (talk) 19:21, 17 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Done those. I don't think it necessary to paraphrase quotes which were in reaction to the outcome.--Wehwalt (talk) 00:34, 18 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Those are done. I'm looking for a good fair use for infobox still.--Wehwalt (talk) 00:36, 18 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

40–46 - Perhaps link Winning percentage, or use {{abbreviation}}? Remember, whenever this shows up on the main page our British readers complain.
turnstiles - What is this? Perhaps a link?
some four feet by six feet by five feet tall - Use {{convert}} for our non-US readers
Lorelei - Last name?

She later adopted the last name Shark, but she hadn't at that time. Professional name.

also flew - A less idiomatic term may be preferable

It's the logical backup to "thrown". Sailed, I think, is worse.

(according to Dahl, lovingly) - Is this really necessary?

No. But otherwise it looks rather hostile to be throwing what they did at him.

reeeeeeal goooood - Emphasis in original?

Yes, and I just listened to him do it on YouTube, it's justified.

Oh, with six "e"'s I don't doubt it. Perhaps note. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 12:25, 18 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

"PLEASE RETURN TO YOUR SEATS" - All caps in the original?

Yes, scoreboards did not yet have lower case capabilities.

Oh, okay. Perhaps note. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 12:25, 18 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

The bit about Michael Clarke Duncan, although interesting (and perhaps as a footnote) does not seem important to the overall events at the time.
Reaction and aftermath is heavy on quotes.

It's a reaction section. I think the reader should know what was said at the time. And what is said is so opinionated (Gaynor's comment, for example) that I hesitate to avoid a direct quote.

jai-alai fronton - Should have at least one link
he continues - As of?
The unplayed second game remains the last American League game to be forfeited. - As of?

To have a major league game forfeited is so unusual that in the event there was another one, I have no doubt editors would look at the articles on baseball forfeits (this and Ten Cent Beer Night) and update as necessary. It just doesn't happen. I don't think it's necessary to put in an "as of 2013".

The last game in the major leagues to be forfeited was on August 10, 1995, when a baseball giveaway promotion at Dodger Stadium went awry, forcing the Los Angeles Dodgers to concede the game to the St. Louis Cardinals. - Perhaps make the difference between American league and "major leagues" clearer for non-baseball fans. Also, do we have an article on this promotion?

It seems not according to Forfeit (baseball), which only names this and Ten Cent Beer Night. I will work through the others, or comment on them. Thank you for your help. Good luck with the classes.--Wehwalt (talk) 01:34, 18 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

I think that's it for now. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 01:14, 18 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks again. The ones I haven't objected to, I've changed. Appreciate this.--Wehwalt (talk) 02:00, 18 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for the feedback. I've reinserted the Michael Clarke Duncan bit. I think it's an interesting part of this. - Who is John Galt? ✉ 17:07, 18 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Not a problem. Maybe we can figure out a way of doing it so that it feels more integrated into the text. The two suggested notes; I think we should await further comments from reviewers. Or possibly a hidden note for the caps on the scoreboard?--Wehwalt (talk) 21:24, 18 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Perhaps the Duncan stuff could be in a paragraph about how the "fans" had items stolen from them or other thievery related to the event. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 23:06, 18 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Aside from the bases and home plate, I'm not aware of any, although most likely they took everything that wasn't nailed down.--Wehwalt (talk) 23:47, 18 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]