Wikipedia:Peer review/Direct Action Day/archive1

Direct Action Day edit

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because this is an important but controversial event during Indian independance.

Thanks, Sumanch (talk) 22:19, 24 March 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Ruhrfisch comments: An interesting article, well illustrated and extensively cited. Here are some suggestions for improvement:

The lead should follow WP:LEAD. It should summarize the whole article and really doesn't need to have references in it if the points are also in the text and referenced there. Everything in the lead should also be in the text, and my rule of thumb is that every section title should be at least mentioned in some way in the lead.
Make sure references follow punctuation and generally come at the end of a sentence (or, if necessary, at the end of a phrase).
Be consistent about names - the title is "Direct Action Day" but at least one caption (Jinnah photo) spells it as "Direct Action day". Also the modern name is no longer Calcutta - not sure what the convention is there, but if you use "Calcutta" throughout, I would make very clear early on that it is now called Kolkata
The article could use a good copyedit and proofreading - the section header "Further Rioting in Indian" surely should be "Further Rioting in India"? There are also several run-on sentences and prose that could use some polishing.
Fair use rationales all need to be as complete as that for Image:DAD Troop Flag march.jpg. There is generally a limit to the number of Fair use photos in an article - I would make sure every one is absolutley needed.
Avoid squeezing text between right and left images per the WP:MOS.
The MOS also says to avoid using "The" in section title - so use "Prelude" (not "The Prelude") etc.
Please read Wikipedia:Quotations and trim down the quote of the entire program for DAD - describe what was called for and quote small sections of the program as needed. Perhaps the program could be put on Wikiquote?
Captions that are phrases should not end with a period, so "Troops finaly arrive." should be "Troops final[l]y arrive"

Hope this helps, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 13:47, 27 March 2008 (UTC) I hope[reply]

Action edit

Suggested Corrections edit

The lead should follow WP:LEAD. It should summarize the whole article and really doesn't need to have references in it if the points are also in the text and referenced there. Everything in the lead should also be in the text, and my rule of thumb is that every section title should be at least mentioned in some way in the lead.
~~Make sure references follow punctuation and generally come at the end of a sentence (or, if necessary, at the end of a phrase).~~ — Corrected Sumanch (talk) 21:11, 10 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Be consistent about names - the title is "Direct Action Day" but at least one caption (Jinnah photo) spells it as "Direct Action day". Also the modern name is no longer Calcutta - not sure what the convention is there, but if you use "Calcutta" throughout, I would make very clear early on that it is now called Kolkata — Corrected Sumanch (talk) 01:56, 12 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
The article could use a good copyedit and proofreading - the section header "Further Rioting in Indian" surely should be "Further Rioting in India"? There are also several run-on sentences and prose that could use some polishing. — Corrected Sumanch (talk) 21:11, 10 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Fair use rationales all need to be as complete as that for Image:DAD Troop Flag march.jpg. There is generally a limit to the number of Fair use photos in an article - I would make sure every one is absolutley needed. — Corrected Sumanch (talk) 21:11, 10 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
~~Avoid squeezing text between right and left images per the WP:MOS.~~ — Corrected Sumanch (talk) 21:11, 10 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
~~The MOS also says to avoid using "The" in section title - so use "Prelude" (not "The Prelude") etc.~~ — Corrected Sumanch (talk) 21:11, 10 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Please read Wikipedia:Quotations and trim down the quote of the entire program for DAD - describe what was called for and quote small sections of the program as needed. Perhaps the program could be put on Wikiquote?

Correction underway — Moved the program to Wiki-Source. That may be an error. Sumanch (talk) 21:11, 10 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Rewoked the passage but will require copy edit.Sumanch (talk) 01:53, 12 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

~~Captions that are phrases should not end with a period, so "Troops finaly arrive." should be "Troops final[l]y arrive"~~ — Corrected Sumanch (talk) 01:52, 12 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]