Wikipedia:Peer review/British European Airways Flight 548/archive1

British European Airways Flight 548 edit

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A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for September 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I have not had any feedback from the Aviation WikiProject and I am interested to know what people feel should be improved, what people feel is missing and what people feel can be removed to advantage.

Thank you in advance. Peter Skipp (talk) 17:59, 15 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments

Infobox image caption is a fragment so no full stop required.
"At 1611 hours local time..." - can you reference that to UTC for international readers?
Is Public Inquiry really a proper phrase? Public inquiry article doesn't think so, but that may be wrong.
Not sure controversial needs to be linked at all.
"pay and conditions issues" - issues over pay and conditions?
"The dispute was highly controversial..." - is this referenceable?
"citing their status" - why would this make them strike?
copilot or co-pilot.
"and performed entirely satisfactorily " - and had performed satisfactorily...
"15:45 hours" - again - link to UTC - and be consistent - 1611 hours vs 15:45 hours.
"1450 radial " - that superscript 0 looks odd, there must be a degree symbol you can use.
"50,000 kilos/110235 pounds" (etc) - use the {{convert}} template.
3000 ->3,000.
"at a rather high speed" - your POV.
convert the knots to, at least, km/h for metric fans.
Large mid-section of the synopsis is without reference.
Check WP:CITE - .[29]) is in the wrong place.
A30 links to dab page.
"Heavy traffic jams formed soon, with the sensation-seeking occupants of cars described by Minister of Aerospace Michael Heseltine on BBC Television that evening as “Ghouls, unfortunate ghouls." - needs citation.
"(This event was popularly interpreted by much of the press as a "heart attack.") " - why in parentheses and where's the citation?
Don't overlink cockpit voice recorder.
Memorials section lacks citations.
Don't merge ELs and references.
First EL is malformed.
References which are web-based should use {{cite web}} and be correctly populated - avoid bare URLs.
Use en-dash for page ranges, not hyphen.

The Rambling Man (talk) 15:48, 19 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Lead needs to be more unified. Tell me in the first sentence that it was a crash. Why did it crash? If we don't know, say so.
When you say Monday June 19 in the first paragraph after the lead, remind me that that was the day after the crash.
Lots of acronyms
Somehow just doesn't seem to flow; reading it is a chore. I know that's very subjective, but look at Air France Flight 358 Tenerife airport disaster Gol Transportes Aéreos Flight 1907 Helios Airways Flight 522 EgyptAir Flight 990 for some ideas.--HereToHelp ^{(talk to me)} 01:16, 21 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]