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Wikipedia:Peer review/Bernard Fanning/archive1

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Bernard Fanning edit

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This peer review discussion has been closed.

It's been a GA for a while, and I'd like to go for FA. All comments welcome, especially those relating to content needed. Thanks, dihydrogen monoxide (H20) 09:49, 14 February 2008 (UTC)[reply]

I'd love to see this as a featured article, but I don't think it's anywhere near where it needs to be. It's really deficient in the quantity of content. I'm certain there are many cavities of information able to be sourced which are not. I'd love to guide and help participate more, but don't have the time atm, but the whole article needs to practically double in length, and for this to happen, I believe basically every section needs around twice as much information as they presently have. There should be a little bit more information about Ned Kelly, too, and maybe info in the discography section about Fanning's extracurricular contributions (which I'm sure there're more that are left unmentioned here). Good luck, though. --rm 'w avu 14:17, 14 February 2008 (UTC)[reply]
See, that's the thing; I really don't know what can/should be added in terms of content. I mean, we could talk more about his solo work, but it wouldn't really be biographical, and would belong in the album article. Meanwhile, Powderfinger mostly do things as a group, not attributing stuff to any one person.
Do you know of any extracurricular stuff that can be added? I expect you have more idea than I do :) dihydrogen monoxide (H20) 07:57, 15 February 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Review by Peripitus

Great to see the WP:FINGER obsessives still driving on ! The article is ok but mostly is lacking comprehensiveness.

  • There is very little on his first 20 years. Just a short bit on his piano as a child - a bit on education then ... he can sing and joins the band. Did he finish the Journalism course ?
  • The lead is short, even for the article as it stands, and summarizes little of the article.
  • Apart from a bit at the start there is little about Bernard himself. Lots about his music, his band's music and thoughts on his voice, but the man is absent. He's married, has performed with his wife, does yoga, speaks limited Spanish, has released a single in support of the charity "Youngcare" , is noted to wear a beard well and may juggle hampsters ... but only the married bit is mentioned. I'm sure there is more to him than his musical output to be written about.
  • Duplicated reference - ref#18 is used 3 times in sucession in paragraph # 1 of "Style, technique, and influences". Missing reference for his "ENTER score of 88.5"

- Peripitus (Talk) 13:00, 16 February 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for this; I'll try and find more content in the near future. dihydrogen monoxide (H20) 06:27, 17 February 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Well, it seems I have a bit of time. I'm working on fattening up the article with more info. Do you happen to know any refs to that stuff you mentioned about spanish and whatever? ta. --rm 'w avu 08:51, 17 February 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Mostly just found in websearching. The Youncare charity bit comes from numerous sources - latest is "The Sunday Mail - News Limited Australia - May 14, 2006", Yoga from The Age with a note from the same source that Mrs Prince Frederik of Denmark is a fan, Spanish from News Limited, perfoming with his wife from The Courier Mail, an expansion on his uni course and how he met Ian in The Age. I think I made the hampster bit up - Peripitus (Talk) 23:35, 17 February 2008 (UTC)[reply]

  • A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style. If you would find such a review helpful, please click here. Thanks, APR t 02:44, 18 February 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Thanks APR/AZPR. I've taken the liberty of copying your peer review:

The following suggestions were generated by a semi-automatic javascript program, and might not be applicable for the article in question.

You may wish to browse through User:AndyZ/Suggestions for further ideas. Thanks, APR t 02:41, 18 February 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Copyediting edit

I've just done a bit of copyediting mostly for clarity (things like redundancies, misplacement of commas and other punctuations and disambiguation/re-ambiguation. The article looks good as it sits as far as grammar, but it should be combed again by someone else not connected to the subject matter. All said, I believe I made about 7 contribs in the edit history (I broke it out by section so that it would be easier to see the changes). If any of the changes are contentious, let me know on my talkpage so I can sort out my reasoning! Cheers, Keeper | 76 | Disclaimer 22:05, 18 February 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Furthermore edit

  • For the caption, is "at the" same with "during the"?
  • Why is there a period? The caption, I think, is not a complete sentence.
  • His birthname, no middle name or initial?
  • For you Australian folks, you prefer date-month-year format. Why is the "born" entry using month-date-year style?
    • Because of Template:Birth date and age. dihydrogen monoxide (H20) 08:33, 20 February 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      • Oooooh, a coding challenge for me. I'll see if I can create a variable for the template that would be seq=dmy; mdy, ymd, iso or something like that, so we can accommodate the range of different styles often used. Then I'll need someone *cough spebi* to update it on the template. Give me a few days, but for the moment, it's a technical impasse until I can figure out how to code our way out of the paper bag you've pointed out. --rm 'w avu 09:34, 20 February 2008 (UTC)[reply]
        • Bugger, turns out that variable is already there. Just so you know, depending upon your formatting settings, it may show up US style, but if you don't force it to parse the date, you should now see it in the correct format. --rm 'w avu 09:36, 20 February 2008 (UTC)[reply]
          • Yah i see it. By the way, why is 15 changed to word? --Efe (talk) 09:51, 20 February 2008 (UTC)[reply]
            • Duo-syllabic numerals should be in words, and some trio-syllabic numerals also. See WP:MOSNUM#Numbers. That info more refers to numeral division, but I read the guide as meaning how one would read something aloud. --rm 'w avu 10:02, 20 February 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • I think it would be better to just delimit all entries in the infobox with a comma. Formatting them that way makes the box a bit long.
  • Is "vocals" an instrument?
  • Award winning needs hyphen.
  • While the band was on hiatus.
  • Do you have to mention that his siblings do not like music?
  • You do not mention when Fanning was born in the "Early life" section.
    • When? Why wuld we say when he was born? It's already in the lead and in the infobox. Or do you mean where? If that's what you means, then DHMO seems to have addressed that, but I don't know about the when. Maybe 3:27pm? --rm 'w avu 09:34, 20 February 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      • I mean the date. though it is already mentioned in the lead and infobox, it should be mentioned in the "main" text. --Efe (talk) 09:43, 20 February 2008 (UTC)[reply]
        • I'm happy to add it. It's not tough, but I don't think I've seen another BIO article that does that, and I mostly look at the FAs to get insight into what should be added here. --rm 'w avu 10:02, 20 February 2008 (UTC)[reply]
          • Well, its up for DM. For me, I always think there is no infobox and lead so I really have to restate what is in the lead. Lead is just a lead and the main "text" should be as complete as it is.
            • I think I mentioned this when I went through this PR...oh well, it seems OK now. dihydrogen monoxide (H20) 09:09, 21 February 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Who described his songs as "terrible"?
  • However, he was equally interested…
  • Is capitalizing U in University proper?
Just the University alone. --Efe (talk) 09:09, 20 February 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Submissions of what?
  • Move the comma after stating.
  • The transition from the second to third section is broken; from 1992 to 2005. What happened to him in those inclusive years?
    • See Powderfinger#History. The band rarely make mention to who did what, so it's basically all a group effort, and Fanning didn't do much independently while working with the band. dihydrogen monoxide (H20) 08:33, 20 February 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      • I've just added some generalities of the period, though mentioned that while with the band, the info about Ned Kelly which was surprisingly missing, and also that Gregor Jordan who directed that then was brought in to do the powderfinger DVD, a point I think is worthy of noting here rather than anywhere else. What do you think? --rm 'w avu 09:53, 20 February 2008 (UTC)[reply]
        • Somehow it fills the gap. Where's the sources by the way? =) --Efe (talk) 10:03, 20 February 2008 (UTC)[reply]
          • Not to sound lazy, but I'll leave that to DHMO or spebi. Wow, there really isn't a way of saying that without sounding really lazy. LOL. For now, trust it. They'll be reffed before long. --rm 'w avu 10:08, 20 February 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Remove also.
  • Move the comma outside the quotation marks in "Not Finished Just Yet,"
  • develoeped to developed.
  • Which was successful, though failed to perform well compared to "Wish You Well".
  • Reword 8. 1 to 9 must be numbered.
  • No need to mention it did not chart in New Zealand.
  • Double linking of "Wish You Will".
  • Remove "a song from the album".
  • In Australia’s entire major…
  • Again, the period thing in the second image.
  • Fanning mentioned…(remove had made)
  • Do not italicize Across the Great Divide tour.
  • Punctuation is needed after "Fanning said of the tour".
  • In a 1998 interview, Fanning said, …
  • Remove the quotes about writing songs, just repeating what is said before that.
  • Just say bedroom and delink it.
  • In an interview, he said, …
  • Put a colon after this, "it is not the central focus when writing songs" and remove the comma and the word stating. The quoted material is long so using this would be better.
  • In Personal life section, do not link dates which are not full, like February 2007.
  • Link Spain.
  • And also Europe…
  • Has learned.
  • The period in the third image…
  • Remove the colors of the table.
  • Again, the format of the date.
  • Remove the periods, they’re not complete sentences.
  • The references are not formatted well. The dates are inconsistent. Use the same format in the "date" field and do not link if it’s not a full date.

Feel free to object DM. --Efe (talk) 09:13, 19 February 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks heaps. I've replied to stuff that hasn't been done, so the rest is. dihydrogen monoxide (H20) 08:33, 20 February 2008 (UTC)[reply]
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