Wikipedia:Peer review/Beautiful People (Chris Brown song)/archive1

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I would like to take it to GA status. Any comments and suggestions on how to improve the article would be great. Thanks, Ozurbanmusic (talk) 04:35, 2 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Adabow (talk · contribs)
These are things I'd pull up in a GA review:

Lead

Background and composition

  • "It was released to iTunes Stores from March 11, 2011." → Are you sure that it was iTunes-exclusive? Check Amazon and 7digital etc, and rewrite as "digital download". Also mention the other release formats here
  • "and thought it was the most electro house song they've ever heard from Brown" - not really offering any criticism. "We like the song, though we don't see anything inherently 'Chris Brown' about this track — it really could have been recorded by anybody with similar results." is probably a better quote to sample, although try to paraphrase the second half.
  • One must be careful when writing about genres, as there is a difference between what genre(s) a song is, and what it is influenced by. Genres (per sources) are electro-house, dancehall and Europop, and it has influences of R&B.

Critical reception

Chart performance

Music video

Live performances

  • Is there any critical response or further info on the DWTS performance? Eg what he wroe, how he performed etc

General comments

I am watching this peer review, so reply here if you want any more comments or clarification. Enjoy! Adabow (talk · contribs) 07:51, 3 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for reviewing Adabow! I think the article needs copy-edit and should there be a screenshot of the music video? Ozurbanmusic (talk) 00:27, 5 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
I will take another look soon for prose/MoS issues. No, after watching the music video I can't see any screenshot passing WP:NFCC. Adabow (talk · contribs) 04:41, 5 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Second round

Lead

  • "Brown worked on the song in hopes of inspiring people with dance music, and for the world to come together as a whole and stop the negativity." - awkward grammar; rewrite. What is "the negativity"?
  • "Musically, "Beautiful People" is an uptempo song which derives genres from electro house, dancehall and Europop, and contains influences of R&B." - link [[tempo|uptempo]]. "derives genres from" → "draws from the genres of" or "is derived from the genres of"
  • "keep their heads up" is a bit colloquial; can you introduce a quote or rephrase?
  • "The song was generally well received by most music critics" - remove either 'generally' or 'most'
  • "managed to peak" → peaked/reached/topped

Background and composition

  • "Before the release of the album" - name the album
  • Em dashes should not be spaced
  • Link ransom note effect
  • "it is composed of pulsing synths that build under Benassi and Brown's staccato and auto-tuned melodies, as stated by James Dean Wells from AOL Radio Blog." - you either need to paraphrase this or add quote marks. 'According to' is better than 'as stated by'

Critical reception

Live performances

References

  • Don't state the country which the iTunes Store ref is from. "iTunes Store. Apple Inc." is sufficient

Adabow (talk · contribs) 05:38, 5 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]

  Done Ozurbanmusic (talk) 22:59, 5 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Nice work. I believe that this article is now at or close to GA standards. Adabow (talk · contribs) 04:47, 6 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Cool. Just one more thing, does a good article have to mention the video director? Because I've been searching for this song's director a million times and still nothing comes up. Ozurbanmusic (talk) 06:41, 6 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
No, if the info's just not out there, it is unreasonable to expect it to be included, especially only at GA level. Adabow (talk · contribs) 07:17, 6 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]