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Wikipedia:Featured list candidates/Timeline of the 2004 Atlantic hurricane season/archive1

< Wikipedia:Featured list candidates‎ | Timeline of the 2004 Atlantic hurricane season
The following is an archived discussion of a featured list nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured list candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The list was not promoted by User:The Rambling Man 07:14, 11 August 2008 [1].

Timeline of the 2004 Atlantic hurricane season edit

After several hours of referencing and formatting, it's got to be close to meeting the criteria. Juliancolton Tropical Cyclone 18:48, 30 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Resolved comments from The Rambling Man (talk) 18:35, 10 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comments
    • So, we've moved on. And that means "This is a (list name)..." is no longer really interesting enough. Go wild and try to capture my imagination in the opening line(s) of the lead.
    • Numbers below 10 in text please.
    • "information on a storm that was not operationally warned on" - reads odd to me - on, on...?
    • "major hurricanes (Category 3 or higher on the Saffir-Simpson Hurricane Scale)." - prose it - so, "major hurricanes, i.e. those that rank as Category 3..."
    • July 31 - why bold the depression?
    • Don't force thumbnail sizes (per WP:MOS#Images)
    • Timeline "graphic" (which I think is ghastly, no offence!) needs, at least, en-dash for speed ranges.
    • Been some discussion lately about full stops after fragments. Most of your bullets are not complete sentences so, strictly speaking, they ought not to take periods.
    • AST and CDT link to dab pages.
    • "extratropical" - what is this?
  • The Rambling Man (talk) 19:00, 30 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comment. The lone track map image seems out of place. I recommend adding another image that is not a satellite image, perhaps radar and/or HPC rainfall map? ♬♩ Hurricanehink (talk) 02:10, 31 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comment, just looking at the lede, here's what I see:
    • The timeline of the Atlantic hurricane 2004 season documents tropical cyclone formations, strengthening, weakening, landfalls, extratropical transitions, as well as dissipation. - should it be "as well as dissipations"? But overall, the sentence feels a bit weird.
    • ...meaning that information from post-storm reviews by the National Hurricane Center, such as information on a storm that was not operationally warned upon, have been included. - *has* been included; the sentence's subject is information, not post-storm reviews.
    • The most notable storms for the season... - we have a tendency to abuse "notable" in these parts. I would replace it with "noteworthy" or something else.
    • ... three of them with at least 115 mph (185 km/h) sustained winds... - explain why that is important: major hurricane status.
    • This is the only time in recorded history that four hurricanes have ever hit one state in a single season. - would "have ever hit a single state" be better?
  • More to come, but I need to reboot the laptop, so I'll get to the rest later. Titoxd(?!? - cool stuff) 16:57, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Done. Thanks for the comments. Juliancolton Tropical Cyclone 17:07, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      • Hold it. Four hurricanes did not make landfall on Florida during the season (Ivan struck Alabama). Please clarify and add a source. ♬♩ Hurricanehink (talk) 19:47, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
        • Done. Thanks, Juliancolton Tropical Cyclone 19:51, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
          • No, not done. This is the only time in recorded history that four hurricanes have ever hit a single state - this is still unsourced, and is incorrect, since Florida was struck by three hurricanes, not four. Please reword and provide a source for that statement. ♬♩ Hurricanehink (talk) 22:56, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
            • It is accurate on a technicality: Ivan didn't make landfall on Florida, but its northeastern quadrant still passed over the tip of the Panhandle, causing damage there (a direct hit, perhaps). In any case, the wording of that sentence is still unclear, as it gives the idea that Ivan made landfall over the state. Titoxd(?!? - cool stuff) 23:24, 6 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
              • Don't know if it helps any, but I added a clarification about Ivan's landfall. Juliancolton Public (talk) 01:34, 7 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
                • I clarified it a little further as it was unclear that Ivan didn't actually make landfall on Florida. Plasticup T/C 03:39, 8 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comment
    • Please remove the terrible overbolding. Per WP:MOS, "Italics are used sparingly to emphasize words in sentences (bolding is normally not used at all for this purpose). Generally, the more highlighting in an article, the less the effect of each instance." This boldface has made the list look very bad. The Rambling Man (talk) 12:23, 8 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comments

I seem to have developed an annoying habit of scrutinizing lead sections before I get to the list, and I haven't gotten past the lead section in this list article. Specific concerns I had with the lead:

    • "The timeline of the Atlantic hurricane 2004 season documents tropical cyclone formations, strengthening, weakening, landfalls, extratropical transitions, as well as dissipations." I got to the end of that sentence and asked "of what?" (Yes, I know the answer, but the sentence was dissatisfying.) I might be happier (but YMMV) if the sentence continued "...during the 2004 Atlantic hurricane season, which officially began on June 1, 2004, and lasted until November 30."
    • "The timeline also includes information which was not operationally released..." "Also" implies that this in addition to something that was already described, but nothing has been said thus far about information that was operationally released. Also, if the lead section is going to tell about sources and scope (definitely a good thing to tell about), I think it would "work" better at the end of the lead section.
      • I moved that sentence to the end of the first paragraph, as I'm not sure it would fit in within the second. Juliancolton Tropical Cyclone 18:47, 10 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • "This is the only time in recorded history that four hurricanes affected the U.S. State of Florida although one of the four, Ivan, brought hurricane force winds to the state without making a landfall there." Is it necessary to say "although" in this context? Doesn't receiving hurricane-force winds mean that the hurricane was over Florida?
      • Well, Ivan has been determined to have made landfall on Alabama, though the eyewall produced hurricane-force winds on Florida. I'm not sure if that clears it up any, but I'm pretty sure the word "although" is needed there. Juliancolton Tropical Cyclone 18:47, 10 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • "This season had 16 tropical depressions, 15 named storms, nine hurricanes, and six major hurricanes, major hurricanes, i.e. those that rank as Category 3 or higher on the Saffir-Simpson Hurricane Scale." It seems to me that this sentence (which gives general statistics for the season) should appear earlier in the lead than it does -- before the specifics about effects in Florida.

--Orlady (talk) 16:53, 10 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the comments. Replies to the points raised are under each item. Juliancolton Tropical Cyclone 18:47, 10 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
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