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Wikipedia:Featured list candidates/Territorial pick/archive1

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The following is an archived discussion of a featured list nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured list candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The list was promoted by The Rambling Man 18:39, 24 October 2009 [1].

Territorial pick edit

Nominator(s): Martin tamb (talk) 21:23, 3 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
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I am nominating this for featured list because it meets the FL criteria. The topic itself is often forgotten but is notable as it includes a lot of notable players. — Martin tamb (talk) 21:23, 3 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

  • Support - nice list—Chris!c/t 00:27, 4 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comment Very nice list you've got here. In the first sentence, "after 1950" might be better than "since 1950." "Since 1950" makes it sound like it's still going on. Also, if you could explain why the NBA stopped having territorial picks, that might be interesting. --Coemgenus 13:51, 4 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Done the first one, still looking for any reference about the second one. — Martin tamb (talk) 09:57, 5 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Well, if you find it or not, I still support, I just thought it would be interesting. Coemgenus 13:42, 5 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • I agree with the above comments; this is a very nice list indeed. I just have two comments:
    • Shouldn't the sorting be done by the name of the school (i.e., University of Cincinnati should sort before La Salle University)?
    • The first image is fair use and needs to be removed, as no appropriate rationale could be provided for its inclusion. Two free-use images should be enough for this article. KV5 (Talk • Phils) 16:47, 5 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Done both! — Martin tamb (talk) 17:05, 5 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

I know nothing at all about American basketball, but found this an interesting topic and a well-presented list. Technical note that there are no dab links, the external links all work, the sources used appear to be reliable and the two images have alt text. Now for a couple of comments:

  • "after the BAA was renamed into NBA" – is "renamed into" an American-English turn of phrase? (It isn't an English-English expression; we'd say "renamed the NBA")
  • Can you reword the first para of the lead so that we don't have links to 1949 and 1966 that look to the casual observer as simple year links? E.g. "since the [1949 draft]" and "when the draft system was revamped before the [1966 draft]".
  • "Having a popular college players from the teams' local areas was a way to increase the local fan support" - grammar has got a bit mangled here, and you use "local" twice; how about "Having popular players from colleges in a team's local area was a way to increase fan support."? Or did you mean that the players were from popular colleges? It was a bit unclear...
  • "6 picks from 5 different colleges" ought to be "six picks from five different colleges" (MOS:NUM says to spell out numbers less than ten (or do I mean less than 10...?))
  • Does the "college/city" column have to be so wide?

Hope these help. BencherliteTalk 16:25, 7 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

All done, thanks to User:Chrishomingtang who fix most of the issues. — Martin tamb (talk) 03:28, 9 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Support. BencherliteTalk 13:18, 12 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Resolved comments from Giants2008 (17–14) 19:25, 13 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Comments –
  • "Territorial picks were eliminated when the draft system was revamped since the 1966 draft." Try "when the draft system was revamped in 1966." Better grammar and avoids repetition of "draft".
  • "11 players have been inducted to the Basketball Hall of Fame as a player." "to" → "into".
  • "The Philadelphia Warriors had the most territorial pick...". Make the last word plural.
  • "The" needed before University of Cincinnati.
  • "The 1965 NBA Draft, the last draft in which a team could have a territorial pick, had the most territorial pick in a draft with three territorial picks." Do we need to have "territorial pick" three times in a sentence? It's terribly repetitive for the reader.
  • Note a: "The NBA agreed to the argument". "to" → "with". Giants2008 (17–14) 20:19, 11 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Fixed all—Chris!c/t 22:58, 11 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Support – Nice list on an interesting topic, and it meets the criteria. Giants2008 (17–14) 19:25, 13 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Resolved comments from The Rambling Man (talk) 16:55, 18 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Comments
  • Opening sentence ends a little clumsily with two "after"'s in quick succession.
  • Suggest linking first draft to Draft (sports).
  • "In the early years" when were these "early" years? This is a bit woolly for me.
  • "support in its local markets" do you mean the NBA was trying increase the size of fanbases of teams local to those fans? It's not 100% clear to me.
  • "Having popular players from colleges in a team's local area was a way to increase fan support.[1] To help the teams acquire local players, the territorial pick rule was introduced" I would merge these sentences and reduce the subsequent redundancy.
  • "Among the 22 territorial picks..." "Of the 22..."?
  • "players have been inducted into the Basketball Hall of Fame as a player. " this just reads strangely to me. Perhaps "as players"? Not sure. The repeat of player (despite the linking) makes it odd for me. Same with the key.
  • "had the most territorial pick in a " picks?
  • "Denotes player who have been inducted " either this should be "denotes a player who has been" or "denotes players who have been" - preferably the first.

The Rambling Man (talk) 11:21, 14 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Done all, hopefully the lead is better now, thanks for the reviews. — Martin tamb (talk) 13:41, 14 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • Grammar's gone a bit wonky in the lead now : "the league was trying to increase the size of fan bases of teams local to those fan"?
  • "which subsequently increase the local fans support"?

The Rambling Man (talk) 14:05, 14 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

I have fix them again. Really sorry for the grammar mistakes, English isn't my first language, but I guess this shouldn't be an excuse for the grammar mistakes. — Martin tamb (talk) 16:26, 14 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
I've had a go at rephrasing some points, so TRM can now direct his comments at me! Don't be afraid of asking for help in future. BencherliteTalk 18:05, 14 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
"Where's there's a blame there's a claim"? Good work all round, thanks Bencherlite for your assistance, and Martin, as B says, don't be afraid to ask! The Rambling Man (talk) 18:46, 14 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks to both of you for all the help in making this nomination successful and I promise won't be afraid to ask for help in the future. — Martin tamb (talk) 03:18, 15 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Support Yet another interesting NBA list. It meets the FL criteria (I made a few tweaks). My only suggestion is to move one image into the lead. Dabomb87 (talk) 03:52, 23 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Sources look good. Dabomb87 (talk) 03:52, 23 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]


The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
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