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Wikipedia:Featured list candidates/Michael Jackson filmography/archive1

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The following is an archived discussion of a featured list nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured list candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The list was not promoted by Scorpion0422 21:53, 21 March 2009 [1].

Michael Jackson filmography edit

Nominator(s): Pyrrhus16
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I am nominating this filmography because I feel it meets the Featured List criteria. The list includes Jackson's appearances in music video, film, TV, and has been copy-edited by User:Realist2. Pyrrhus16 16:48, 4 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

  • Comment -- Music videos aren't generally filmography material, they are part of discographies. It shouldn't be mentioned in this article, except for his notable ones (but not listed).--₮RUCӨ 21:40, 4 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    • Jackson doesn't have a "discography". He has a specialized singles discography and a specialized albums discography, due to size issues. — R2 21:46, 4 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]
      • Oh. I see a lot of wording for many of the sections, which is generally not how many filmographies are set up (from what I have seen at FLC). I'm a bit uncomfortable reviewing this one, maybe after others review it I will, but right now I'm a bit edgy, I hope you understand.--₮RUCӨ 21:59, 4 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

I intend to review this either today or tomorrow, so don't worry about not receiving feedback. Dabomb87 (talk) 23:08, 9 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks, we were starting to get a little worried lol. — R2 23:10, 9 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Oppose from Dabomb87 (talk · contribs) No time for a full read, but I can tell from the lead alone that the article is not yet a smooth read. I suggest finding someone uninvolved to copy-edit:

  • "at the age of 11"
Done
  • "The seventh child of the Jackson family" Trivial info for a filmography.
Done
  • "In the early 1980s, Jackson became a dominant figure in popular music and the first African-American entertainer to amass a strong crossover following on MTV." These are strong claims. Do you have a source?
Done
  • "The popularity of his music videos airing on MTV,"-->The popularity of his music videos that aired on MTV,
Done
  • "a 17 minute film costing $30 million"-->a 17-minute film that costed $30 million
Done
  • "was the most expensive video produced per-minute upon it's release."-->was the most expensive video to produce (in dollars per minute) on its release.
Done
  • "Some of his short films drew controversy for their violent and sexual elements, others were lauded by critics and awarded Guinness World Records." Semicolon, not comma.
Done
  • "Starring in The Jacksons in 1976, a variety show featuring the Jackson family, the singer went on to appear in films such as Men in Black II and Miss Cast Away. " Split this sentence up.
Done
  • "Creating his own feature length movie, Moonwalker, at a cost of $23 million, several of Jackson's films are notable for their runtime." Dangling participle. Did "several of Jackson's films" create his own feature length movie?
Done
  • "Jackson's Motown 25: Yesterday, Today, Forever performance, received critical acclaim" Comma not needed.
Done. Pyrrhus16 15:57, 10 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Jackson's interviews have dealt with the controversial topics surrounding him" This phrase could be pruned quite a bit. Here is a solution I thought up (not the best, but an improvement): "Jackson's interviews usually concern his controversial acts"

From these issues in the lead alone, I will not read further until a third party is brought in to fix things up. Dabomb87 (talk) 12:59, 10 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

I've split the sentence for your last concern. Pyrrhus16 13:25, 10 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

I will be gone for five days, so I will summarize my position here: I will only rescind my oppose if the prose has been significantly combed through by a third-party editor. If it looks like my concerns have been resolved, feel free to promote and disregard my oppose. Dabomb87 (talk) 18:09, 14 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Note: The article has since had a further copy-edit by User:Iridescent. Pyrrhus16 07:52, 15 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Noted. I have no time to look over the changes. Dabomb87 (talk) 12:04, 15 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Comments

  • Why not Michael Jackson videography? This is really a filmography? Cannibaloki 03:41, 20 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]
That would be a better title, we can definitely change it after the FLC is closed. :) The last time I tried doing that during an FLC, it caused all kinds of problems. :) Pyrrhus16 13:15, 20 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Do we want to move the list? I can take care of it if you want. What is the desired new title? Dabomb87 (talk) 17:50, 20 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]
"Michael Jackson videography" is the desired title. :) Pyrrhus16 18:21, 20 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]
We need an admin to do it. I will ask Matthewedwards. Dabomb87 (talk) 18:36, 20 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks. Pyrrhus16 18:40, 20 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Still not happy Moving down, I still see problems:

  • "Jackson's video making continued throughout the 1990s, some films drawing controversy" The second clause is not grammatical.
Done
  • "It featured scenes construed as having a sexual nature as well as depictions of violence." The parallelism is confusing: Could the scenes be construed as having depictions of violence or were there actually violent scenes?
Reworded
  • "it gained 11 MTV Video Music Award Nominations" "received" is a better word.
Done
  • "The offending scenes in the final half of the 14-minute version were edited out to prevent the video from being banned, and Jackson apologized."-->Jackson apologized for the offending scenes in the final half of the 14-minute version, which were edited out to prevent the video from being banned
Done
  • "and later replaced with a music video"-->and was later replaced with a music video
Done
  • "It's not political. It's not fascist. It's pure, simple love". I'm thinking that the quotation should be outside the period in this case.
Done
  • "Jackson's short films have also been recognised "
Done

Simply not ready yet. Dabomb87 (talk) 13:52, 21 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Added a URL and used Template:Cite web. Pyrrhus16 14:45, 21 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]


The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
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