Comments from Arre 9
Here are a few concerns I have:
- "...Drama Series is a Emmy Award..." ---> "is an Emmy Award"
- Done
- "It is an award presented annually..." ---> "It is presented annually..."
- Done
- "to recognize a young actor under the age of 25, who has delivered an outstanding performance in a role while working within the daytime drama industry" ---> IMO this should be reworded to something like "in recognition of a young actor below the age of 25...", just a suggestion, though.
- Done
- In the lead "Daytime Emmy Award at the time at age 15.[1] while the other actors" ---> is this meant to be a period or comma? Fix it.
- Done
- "Its most recent recipient is Chandler Massey, for the role of Will Horton, on Days of our Lives" ---> just another suggestion but this should be reworded to something else like "The most recent recipient of the award is Chandler Massey, for his role of Will Horton on Days of our Lives".
- Done
- "In 2000, he also became the actor to have received the most nominations, with six" ---> "...with a total of six", this sounds more proper.
- Done
- "later reached five nominations as well" ---> "...have also received five nominations each".
- Done
- Just out of curiosity, is there an actual need for the Double-dagger image here?
- It is needed for WP:ACCESS, they don't need bold.
- In each image of an actor who has been recognized in this category, I feel that the show they play the character on should also be stated. Especially in cases like Dondre Whitfield; it appears that the character he plays/played doesn't have an article, so the title of the series should be added.
- Done
- Joshua Morrow's image: Please add (left). We all know who is who in that picture, but it's just more proper that way.
- Done
- Same with Scott Clifton's image, add (left)
- Done
- Chandler Massey caption: "In 2012, Chandler Massey was the first actor to win a Daytime Emmy Award for playing a gay character.[3] He receive the award again in 2013" ---> "Chandler Massey is the first actor to receive the award for portraying a gay character, having won in 2012 and 2013 for his role of William Horton (or Will, whichever is common) on Days of our Lives."
- Done
- Under "Total awards won": Days Of Our Lives ---> Days of our Lives
- Done
- Ref 48: Convert POPSUGAR to PopSugar.
- Done
- Ref 59: Remove the brackets from "emmyonlinetv".
- Done
- Once these points have been addressed I'd be happy to support this as a Featured list :). Regards, Arre 09:14, 24 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
- These concerns have been all addressed. Thanks for reviewing the article! SoapFan12 10:54, 24 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
- Thanks again for taking a look at the article :)! It's greatly appreciated. SoapFan12 02:15, 25 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
- Sorry but there are just a couple more points I have before supporting:
- "The most recent recipient of the award is Chandler Massey, for the role of Will Horton, on Days of our Lives." ---> "The most recent recipient of the award is Chandler Massey for his portrayal of Will Horton on Days of our Lives".
- Done
- "Currently, Guiding Light has the most recipients of this award, with a total of seven wins." ---> remove "currently". Also I think it is worth noting that Guiding Light is defunct.
- Done. Also I believe that Guiding Light is needed since for the leads you need to cover every sections of the article. Am I right? Do you know what i mean?
- "The criteria later changed to require the actor to be 25 years old or younger to be eligible to win" ---> Can you state which year the criteria was altered? Instead of just stating "later"? Also, too many "to"s, this sentence needs rewording. Before, it should be clarified that there was some sort of controversy or the rules were different. Because there is nothing stated about the criteria before. I hope you know what I mean, this sentence just doesn't flow well.
- Done
- "Since 1999, Jonathan Jackson holds the most wins with three awards for his role as Lucky Spencer on General Hospital" ---> "Since 1999, Jonathan Jackson has held the most wins with a total of three from six nominations for his role as Lucky Spencer..."
- Done
- It sounds odd still... As I said, add "has" before "held".
- "In 2000, he also became the actor to have received the most nominations, with a total of six, beating Bryan Buffington's record of five." ---> "In 2000, Jackson also became the actor to have received the most nominations, surpassing Bryan Buffington's..."
- Done
- Also, where it says "Bryan Buffington's record of five", add "tally" after "record", just to add a bit of variety in wording.
- Done
- Another thing, in the info-box it says "best" performance. Is this an official description?, or shouldn't "best" be "outstanding" performance?
- Done
Arre 06:43, 27 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
- Thanks again Arre! This means a lot that you have been able to do this. :) SoapFan12 10:51, 27 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
- To avoid the italics for "National Academy of Television Arts and Sciences" that are in the work parameter, you could add around the academy name, or just move "National Academy of Television Arts and Sciences" behind the emmy online website in publisher.
- Done
- "The criteria was altered, requiring the actor will not be eligible to win unless they are 25 years old or younger" ---> this sounds even more awkward, try wording it differently. Just say "The criteria was altered, requiring that the actor be 25 years old or below". Also, I feel like it still sounds really awkward to say randomly in the lead. Maybe all of the requirements should be in the first paragraph, and record-breakers/milestones should be in the second paragraph. It just doesn't flow well.
- Done
- "Networks had declined to broadcast the show during a time of voting integrity rumors and waning interest." ---> is there a source for this?
- Done
- Ref 3: "AfterEllen.com and TheBacklot.com" should not be in italics.
- Done
Arre 06:27, 28 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
- Thanks! :)
- "Since 1999, Jonathan Jackson held the most wins" ---> still haven't added "has" before held..
- Done
- First paragraph is too big compared to second. Like I said. Move "The most recent recipient of the award is Chandler Massey, for his portrayal of Will Horton, on Days of our Lives. Guiding Light has the most recipients of this award, with a total of seven wins." to the second paragraph.
- Done
- "The criteria was altered, requiring that the actor to be 25 years old or below" ---> you can add "later" now considering you have mentioned some things about this directly before. Change it to "The criteria was later altered, requiring that the actor be aged 25 or below".
- Done
- I was just wondering, is there a "previously known as" or former name parameter for the info-box? If there is it would be helpful to list the former name of the award there, instead of having it bold & in the lead.
Arre 14:11, 28 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
- These concerns have been addressed. I am very sorry for the delayed. Thanks! SoapFan12 14:23, 28 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
- "The criteria was later altered, requiring that the actor to be 25 years old or below." ---> this line still hasn't been adjusted, please see above.
- Done
- "Years before this category was introduce" ---> introduced
- Done
- "networks had declined" ---> remove "had"
- Done
Arre 11:20, 29 June 2013 (UTC)
Fixes and done. Thanks! :) SoapFan12 11:31, 29 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
- "The criteria was later changed making it actors 25 years old or younger are eligible to win" sounds improper. Change it to "The criteria was later altered, requiring that the actor be aged 25 or below".
After this is fixed I'll support :) Arre 11:36, 29 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
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