| * Although the article's title is "Audrey Hepburn on screen and stage" her television work is also included. Shouldn't the title be "Audrey Hepburn on screen, television and stage"?
Introduction
- "Audrey Hepburn (4 May 1929 – 20 January 1993) was a British actress." — This sentence is too short and blunt. Can't something be added to say that she worked in film, television and on the stage and that her career spanned from 1948 to 1989 (or whatever the right years are)? Or that she was renowned for being glamorous, elegant, and extremely beautiful?
- "Her debut was as a flight stewardess in the Dutch film Dutch in Seven Lessons in 1948." — "Her debut was as a flight stewardess in the 1948 Dutch film Dutch in Seven Lessons. (the word "in" is reduced to being used only once.)
- "Two years later she made her Broadway debut as the titular character in the play Gigi (1951)." — "She made her Broadway debut as the titular character in the play Gigi (1951)." or "Two years later she made her Broadway debut as the titular character in the play Gigi". (Since you established in the previous sentence that she worked on stage in 1949 the phrase "two years later" should tell anyone that you are talking about 1951.)
- "It was Hepburn's turn as a runaway princess in William Wyler's Roman Holiday (1953) opposite Gregory Peck that made her a star. The film was her Hollywood debut." — "Hepburn's Hollywood film debut in William Wyler's Roman Holiday (1953) . Her role as a runaway princess opposite Gregory Peck made her a star"
- "For her performance, she received the Academy Award for Best Actress, the BAFTA Award for Best British Actress, and the Golden Globe Award for Best Actress in a Motion Picture – Drama." — "For her performance she received the Academy Award for Best Actress, the BAFTA Award for Best British Actress, and the Golden Globe Award for Best Actress in a Motion Picture – Drama." (comma not needed after "performance")
- "In 1954, she played a chauffeur's daughter caught in a love triangle in Billy Wilder's romantic comedy Sabrina opposite Humphrey Bogart, and William Holden." — "In 1954 she played a chauffeur's daughter caught in a love triangle in Billy Wilder's romantic comedy Sabrina opposite Humphrey Bogart and William Holden." (commas not needed.)
- "In the same year, Hepburn garnered the Tony Award for Best Actress in a Play for portraying the titular water nymph in the play Ondine." — "In the same year Hepburn garnered the Tony Award for Best Actress in a Play for portraying the titular water nymph in the play Ondine." (comma not needed.)
- "Her next role was as Natasha Rostova in the 1956 film adaptation of Tolstoy's War and Peace.— " Her next role was as Natasha Rostova in the 1956 film adaptation of Tolstoy's War and Peace. (note changes in links)
- "In 1957, Hepburn starred in Wilder's Love in the Afternoon, and musical film Funny Face." — "In 1957 Hepburn starred with Gary Cooper and Maurice Chevalier in Billy Wilder's Love in the Afternoon and with Fred Astaire in the musical film Funny Face." (comma not needed; add "the" before "musical film"; since you identified Peck, Bogart, and Holden as her earlier costars why not Cooper, Chevalier, and Astaire?)
- There is no mention in the intro about The Unforgiven. You might want to consider adding it since it is Hepburn's only western and also has her opposite a Burt Lancaster under the direction of John Huston.
- "Two years later she appeared opposite Cary Grant in romantic mystery film Charade (1963)." — "Two years later she appeared opposite Cary Grant in the romantic mystery film Charade." (Add "the" before romantic mystery"; since the previous sentence mentions 1961 and this one states "two years later" you don't need to add "(1963)" after Charade.)
- "Hepburn followed this by starring in romantic comedy Paris When It Sizzles opposite Holden" — "Hepburn followed this by starring in the romantic comedy Paris When It Sizzles opposite Holden" (add "the" before romantic comedy; also you may want to consider spelling out William Holden's full name)
- "Hepburn died on 20 January 1993." — This sentence is not needed. You have already listed Hepburn's date of death at the beginning of the introduction.
- Why is there no mention that she played Maid Marian to Sean Connery's Robin Hood in Robin and Marian?
- Why is there no mention that Steven Spielberg's Always was her final film?
Film
Television
- "Mayerling" is not a television film. It is an episode of the anthology series Producers' Showcase. Thus the series' title should be listed in the column "Title" and the notes should say "Episode: "Mayerling"". Also, make sure the link works correctly and does not redirect.
- The column named "Channel": This is appropriate for British television whereas it should be "Network" for American television. Since all but the first two of her ten listed TV appearances were in the United States you might consider changing this to "Network".
Stage
That's all for now! Jimknut (talk) 21:11, 9 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- @Jimknut: Thanks for the extensive review. I think I've sorted most of the points. For filmographies, awards are not present in the notes section as we have consensus not to have them especially as Hepburn has a separate awards page. I've highlighted notable ones in the lead. Gave better intro. The screen bit covers film and television e.g. the big screen (film) and small screen (television). Cowlibob (talk) 12:43, 10 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]
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