Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/The Preuss School UCSD/archive1

The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted 03:01, 26 November 2007.

The Preuss School UCSD

This is a self-nomination. I have worked on this article for over a year in an attempt to make it one of the strongest school articles on WP. I have got it up to GA, and recently had it peer reviewed. In this peer review, the major concern was the article's references, which I feel I have sufficiently addressed. It was also suggested I attempt a copy edit, but responses to the League of CopyEditors does not appear to be quick, with many articles having waited up to six months. As such, I have done what I can myself with the prose and ask that anyone who feels the article is objectionable over prose to cite specific examples and/or attempt to help me with them. Besides that I think the article meets all the requirements. Cheers. SorryGuy 01:39, 19 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Oppose:
Referencing is not FA standard. The "Facilities" section has only 2 references. There are no references in first three paragraphs of "Academics" section and no references in "Graduation requirements" section. "Clubs" section also needs references.

I added two to Facilities, one in Academics and two in Graduation requirements. I am not exactly sure what can be referenced in clubs. To see how referencing has been done in FA school articles in the past, please see Hopkins School, Plano Senior High School, and Stuyvesant High School. I have generally modeled this after those and feel the references are comparable. SorryGuy 02:12, 20 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]

References always go after a comma or full stop. Move the references after "1997 National Principal of the Year Dr. Doris Alvarez", "whose source was past faculty" and "investigating the accusations" to after a full stop.

Done. SorryGuy 02:12, 20 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]

My English is not very good but I can see that, yes, the article needs a copy-edit:
- "Subsequently, tuition is non-existent." Huh?
  - I feel that this makes sense. SorryGuy 02:12, 20 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- "public universities were not being active enough in pursuing education opportunities" I thought students pursue education, universities don't pursue education?
  - Done. SorryGuy 02:12, 20 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- "together proposed the goal of establishing" sounds funny.
  - I don't see the problem. SorryGuy 02:12, 20 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- "would have on overseeing agency" On? Overseeing agency?
  - Done. SorryGuy 02:12, 20 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- "with assistance from public outcry and press" How does public outcry and press assist the school?
  - Done. SorryGuy 02:12, 20 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- "whose source was past faculty and included a former teacher who filed a legal claim against the school" is too wordy.
  - Not sure how to make less wordy and keep meaning. SorryGuy 02:12, 20 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- "The campus has five buildings for classrooms, each building has six classrooms, three on the first story and three on the second. The one exception to this is the science building, which requires more room for labs and hence has four rooms in its building." I think some commas are in the wrong place.
  - Done. SorryGuy 02:12, 20 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- "takes at least three years of a foreign language" Er, you study years of a language? Like what "2007" is in Chinese?
  - Done. SorryGuy 02:12, 20 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- "each student take" I think it should be "takes".
  - Done. SorryGuy 02:12, 20 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- What is "an addition course"? They study addition in twelfth grade?
  - Done. SorryGuy 02:12, 20 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- What does "beginning for most in their freshmen year" mean?
  - Done. SorryGuy 02:12, 20 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- "Fridays rotate between the two." Huh?
  - Done. SorryGuy 02:12, 20 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- "Of 2005's 75 graduates" also sounds funny.
  - I don't see it. SorryGuy 02:12, 20 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- "both boys and girls cross country, soccer, basketball, and lacrosse and girls only volleyball" I understand what you mean, but try to find a better wording.
  - Got rid of both. SorryGuy 02:12, 20 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Is "busing" a word?
  - See, I believe it is. SorryGuy 02:12, 20 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- "similar a Key Club" I think it should be "similar to".
  - Done. SorryGuy 02:12, 20 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- "Other more tradition clubs also exist." What are "tradition clubs"? Clubs about tradition?
  - Done. SorryGuy 02:12, 20 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]
--Kaypoh (talk) 07:18, 19 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- In general, thanks for all the reading. Almost all of them are good fixes. SorryGuy 02:12, 20 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Oppose—Needs copy-editing. Here are random examples just in the lead. Please find someone else to go through the whole of the article.
"sixth and twelfth gradeS"?
"and been listed" (give the year, too)
Remove "also" from the last sentence in the lead.
Awkward (actually, incorrect) grammar, and is "facets" the right word? "Facets of admission include the primary guardian lacking a college education and the student's family qualifying for"
"Subsequently, tuition is non-existent."—Not much of a school. Tony (talk) 14:57, 25 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]

The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.