Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Spiritual Machines/archive2

The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by SandyGeorgia 19:36, 8 April 2010 [1].

Spiritual Machines

Nominator(s): Publichall (talk) 00:52, 7 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I am nominating this for featured article because it has been greatly improved since it's last attempt at featured article. It now has pictures and the citation formatting has been unified among many other things. Several dedicated wikipedians and I have scoured the article numerous times and have deemed it worthy. Thanks Publichall (talk) 00:52, 7 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Comments. A dab link to The Collegian and a dead external link to http://billboard.com/bbcom/esearch/chart_display.jsp?cfi=305&cfgn=Albums&cfn=The+Billboard+200&ci=3083086&cdi=9221112&cid=04%2F07%2F2007. Ucucha 01:02, 7 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Oppose, suggest peer review and thorough copyedit instead. Prose seems substandard, with sentences like

"Although not initially intended, the project evolved into a conceptual interpretation of futurist and inventor Raymond Kurzweil's 1999 book The Age of Spiritual Machines and featured spoken dialog from Kurzweil himself."

(not intended as what?) and

"Unlike their previous releases, this one features a more natural sound, and less obvious layering and electronic texturing."

(why so complex a sentence structure?). Then we get:

"While touring rigorously"

with mathematical rigor? Further redundancies further down ("becoming", "proceeded to"), then inappropriate use of a first name only, overlinking to email. Full of quotes, more than would be appropriate (cf. the essay WP:QUOTE). I see more similar problems in the rest of the article, but won't list them all; a good copyeditor will catch those. Ucucha 01:18, 7 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Oppose. I'm going to agree with Ucucha and do a Tony1 on you. Can you spot the redundant words in "In total, he made around 200 paintings relating to the project ..."? More seriously, some parts don't seem to be consistent. In the lead, for instance, we're told that "the album was written and recorded in two months while the band was still on tour", but two sentences later we're told that "the band only took a break from recording to organize and perform at Summersault in 2000". This isn't ready for FAC yet. Malleus Fatuorum 21:45, 7 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Oppose— I agree with the other reviewers. Despite the extensive work on the article at it's previous FAC, problems remain. Redundancy is a common problem. For example this, "Spiritual Machines has been noted as being the end of an era for Our Lady Peace, as it was the last album produced by the band's longtime producer Arnold Lanni, the last to feature original guitarist Mike Turner in full, the last studio album to feature art model Saul Fox on its cover, and the last album to feature Maida's high-falsetto singing voice prominently." Try "marked the end of an era" and we have "the last" repeatedly. Later on there is this, "recorded during a year in which the band was doing extensive touring of Canada, the United States, and Europe", I don't think the "was doing" works. Returning to the Lead, spot the redundant word here, "Short tracks of spoken dialog from Kurzweil himself are interspersed among the actual songs on the album." Graham Colm (talk) 16:59, 8 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.