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Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Skin Trade (film)/archive1

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The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was archived by Ian Rose via FACBot (talk) 05:01, 12 December 2015 [1].

Skin Trade (film)

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Nominator(s): Metal121 (talk) 21:09, 18 November 2015 (UTC)[reply]

This article is about the 2014 action film Skin Trade, which co-stars Dolph Lundgren and Tony Jaa. The film's subject matter is human trafficking, while Lundgren portrays Nick Cassidy, a New Jersey police detective seeking to avenge his family's murder. I believe this article should be featured because, in my opinion, it meets all of the "featured article" criteria. I, Metal121, am responsible for getting the article promoted to "good article" status. Although I have made a lot of edits to the article since it was promoted to GA status - some of which may seem compulsive - I strongly believe that this article has been well written. The article has received a number of copy-edits by other Wikipedia editors, and I see no issues with the way it is written. I look forward to hearing back from any reviewers and will take any constructive criticism in a positive manner. Any suggestions by the reviewer will also be taken onboard to improve the article, if needed. All the best, Martin (aka Metal121). -- Metal121 (talk) 21:09, 18 November 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Comments: I found this article difficult to read and in need of some copyediting. Consider the lede; it starts by mixing information on the stars with comments about writing, then moves to the next para which starts talking about the writing before moving onto the shooting schedule, and finally onto the release details, which are at least a single topic. So here's some suggestions, but I think there's still some work before it can be readied for FA.

  • "Lundgren wrote the film;"

This should be the second sentence of the second para in the lede. It's completely out of place where it is.

  • "The film was shot over 50 days"

Starting when? Development began in 2007, so did it sit on a shelf for 5 years?

  • "detective Nick Cassidy is told that mobster "

If this is by his captain, it could be combined with the following statements to improve clarity.

  • "As a cargo ship"

Suggest this be the start of a new para.

  • "The ship's captain is held responsible and shot in the head"

By whom? I suspect by the traffickers? It could be the cops in the shootout?

  • "after being bailed"

I don't think that translates well outside the US. Suggest "after X paid his bail", where X is the person or group who did so.

  • "In Cambodia"
  • "Cassidy travels to Thailand in pursuit of Dragovich"

So, (a) did he move from Cambodia to Thailand, and (b), how does Cassidy know he's there?

  • "After fighting with Tony"

So... I'm guessing that he didn't see Reed kill his partner?

  • "Ivan and Goran shoot their half-brother, Janko, on behalf of their father"

What? This makes no sense.

  • "Tony arrives and attempts to kill Cassidy"

Attempts to kill him? No more arrests?

  • "learning the truth about his partner's death"

And how does this happen?

  • "Lundgren started researching human trafficking in 2005"

I'm worried about this statement. I read about human trafficking in Red Sea Sharks when I was a kid but I wouldn't call that "research". Do any of the sources tell us what this "research" consisted of?

  • "frequently regarding the setting"

I suspect this means "repeatedly changing the setting of the film"?

  • "Lundgren, who had "two young daughters" at the time"

Why is two young daughters quoted? Generally this whole section has too many quote marks around things that don't appear to be quotes.

  • "In 2013, Lundgren announced"

Suggest this whole section be re-arranged with a separate para about Uekrongtham.

  • "On February 7, 2014, SC Films"

This is the first mention of SC Films, which I think needs to be explained. How and when did they get involved? Is SC the "someone" quoted above? The rest generally works. Maury Markowitz (talk) 13:20, 26 November 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Closing comment -- This nom seems to have stalled so I'll be archiving it shortly; I note a PR has been opened for it while the FAC was running, and we shouldn't have both running simultaneously anyway. Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 05:00, 12 December 2015 (UTC)[reply]

The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
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