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Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Race Against Time (Lewis)

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The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was promoted by User:SandyGeorgia 20:31, 31 August 2008 [1].

Race Against Time (Lewis) edit

Nominator(s): maclean


A non-fiction book written in 2005. The title Race Against Time: Searching for Hope in AIDS-Ravaged Africa describes it well. I saw the author, Stephen Lewis, speak a couple months ago and I was very impressed. So I read his book and wrote its Wikipedia article. Now I'm nominating this article because it meets all of Wikipedia's guidelines and its Feature Article criteria. maclean 04:52, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments

Otherwise sources look good, links checked out with the link checker tool. Note I'm still on the road, so replies may be slightly delayed. Ealdgyth - Talk 12:48, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Switched the citation to cite news [2] -maclean 15:32, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Images have good descriptions, correct copyright tags, and sufficient fair use rationales. Awadewit (talk) 13:45, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Added url [3] and copyright holder [4] --maclean 15:32, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Looks good. ЭLСОВВОLД talk 15:39, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Support, All issues resolved Comments Dabomb87 (talk) 19:40, 18 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Could you include a sentence about the publishing of the book in the lead? I like the lead to have at least one bit of information from each section.
  • "While he wrote the book and lectures in his role as a concerned Canadian citizen, his criticism of the United Nations (UN), international organizations, and other diplomats, including naming specific people, was called undiplomatic and led several reviewers to speculate whether he would be removed from his UN position." "Although" seems to be a better word choice than "while".
  • "The fourth chapter elaborates on how women-issues are ignored or dismissed at international conferences and by African governments" I'm not sure about this one:"women-issues". Shouldn't it be women's (or womens, I'm not sure) issues?
  • "The publisher House of Anansi Press was on the last year of their contract CBC to publish the Massey Lecture series and with a competitive bid from Penguin Books, Anansi aggressively promoted Race Against Time with Lewis giving interviews to local media and attending receptions." Insert "with" in between contract and CBC.
  • "Lewis completed his term as the UN Special Envoy for HIV/AIDS in Africa in December 2006." What is this sentence doing as the last sentence of the reception section?

These are just nitpicks, though. This article is well written and referenced, and I'll have no problem supporting after my issues are addressed. Dabomb87 (talk) 14:47, 18 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Good points, all of them. I took care of them here [5] Thanks for reading the article. maclean 19:26, 18 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Support—oh, who wrote this? Professional. Well done. (Can't get used to the "eg." with one dot; used to "e.g."—aren't they initials for two words? Also, just a small proportion of the sentences verge on being a little long; no big deal, but something to possibly consider in the future?) Tony (talk) 12:20, 26 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks for the kind words. Added the dots [6]. I've noticed my style leans towards longer sentences and paragraphs. I'll watch out for it in the future. --maclean 05:26, 27 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comments from Maralia I gave this a copyedit just now; hopefully my edit summaries explained my changes well enough. Most of the 'errors' seemed to be the 'can't see the trees for the forest' kinds of things that happen when one tries to copyedit one's own work :) Some remaining issues:
  • You seem to favor serial commas over the alternative, but you don't use them consistently. This is especially apparent in the Reception section, but could use auditing throughout.
  • For the record, I hate, hate, hate 'broadcasted'. This is personal preference only, of course.
  • "He connects the structural adjustment loans, with conditions of limited public spending on health and education infrastructure to the uncontrolled spread of AIDS and subsequent food shortages as the disease infected much of the working-age population." - Does the phrase 'with conditions...infrastracture' modify structural adjustment loans? If so, it needs a terminal comma; if not, I don't know what this means.
  • "Lewis' eyewitness accounts are candid and vivid, such as his visits to hospitals and schools as he explains the dire straits of the health and education sectors, and meetings with diplomats and staff from the UN, World Bank, IMF as he explains foreign aid policies." - This needs grammar work; 'accounts' does not jive with 'visits'.
  • "The writing style reflects the text's intent to be a lecture series." - Text has no intent!
  • "Lewis claimed that the South African programs were half-hearted and confusing, to which a spokesperson for the Health Ministry replied that they are rapidly expanding treatment programs and called Lewis a biased and uninformed judge of South Africa's situation." - A couple issues: 'reply' rather implies a conversation; how about countered? Also, the structure of the latter half of the sentence is awkward; suggest reversing order ('...confusing; a spokesperson for the Health Ministry called Lewis a biased and uninformed judge of South Africa's situation, and countered that they are rapidly expanding treatment programs.).
  • I am glad to see unlinked dates in the main text. However, I'm confused by two things:
  • Why are the retrieval dates linked and in ISO format? You can achieve unlinked dates in cite x templates by using the parameters accessyear= and accessmonthday=, instead of using accessdate=.
  • Why are the unlinked dates in the refs in the opposite format of those in the article (the article uses October 18, refs use 18 October)?

Thanks for an interesting article; I'm looking forward to reading the book. Maralia (talk) 18:37, 29 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

  • Thanks for the copyedits. I've actioned some of the above comments [7] It will take a little longer for the rest. --maclean 20:04, 29 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • I believe this [8] takes care of the rest. Are you really thinking about reading the book? --maclean 04:06, 30 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Support My concerns have been addressed. You still had some anomalies in date formats, mostly due to oddities of template code, but I cleaned those up. Thank you for your unexpected kindness in doing away with 'broadcasted'. As for reading the book, yes indeed, I intend to give it a go: health/medicine + social justice + eyewitness accounts = fascinating, to me anyway. Maralia (talk) 03:16, 31 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comments a pretty good read, some nitpicky stuff: do we really need the sidebar quotes in the content section? It seems like the comments encapsulated therein could be easily paraphrased and don't particularly need a specific call-out. Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs (talk) 19:15, 29 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • I chose the first quote because it illustrates, better than I can describe, his writing style. He casually uses the word "apoplectic"(!?!) and purposefully writes "and I very much want to say this" (rather than just saying in the lecture) and directly condemns the Bank and Fund. I chose the second quote because it just flatly states the book's thesis in his own words. It does basically repeat it in the article text so I removed the quote box. [9] maclean 20:01, 29 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
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