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Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Papa Don't Preach/archive1

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The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by SandyGeorgia 16:28, 11 April 2009 [1].

Papa Don't Preach edit

Nominator(s): Frcm1988 (talk) 03:22, 3 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]

This is the first article I am nominating for featured article. It covers one of Madonna's most famous and controversial songs; it had a massive expansion during the past month. It also had a very useful peer review; it's currently listed as a GA and I believe that it meets the criteria. Frcm1988 (talk) 03:22, 3 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Oppose

  • "The opening chords and the melody emphasize the tonic of the leading notes: Fm---E♭---D♭---Cm---D♭-E♭-Fm---D♭-E♭-Fm, resembling a Baroque work." What is baroque (and distinctly Vivaldian, as claimed) about this chord progression? Very unbaroque, I'd say. What does "the tonic of the leading notes" mean? How bizarre. May we have en or em dashes between these symbols? The prose throughout needs work.
The reference Im using have the following: The opening chords, presented twice in antecedent/consequent phrases, could easy resemble a Baroque work, as both chords and melody emphasize tonic, submediant and flattened leading notes: Fm---E♭---D♭---Cm---D♭-E♭-Fm---D♭-E♭-Fm. Frcm1988 (talk) 04:47, 5 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
"anticipates the lyrics to follow"—how could you anticipate something that wasn't to follow?
Again the book have this: "Papa Don't Preach" begins with a distinctly Vivaldian flair, as the fast tempo and classical-style chord progression anticipates the listener for the substantive lyrics to follow. I didn't put substantive because I think is a bit POV. Frcm1988 (talk) 04:47, 5 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
"the only song in the album that she did not have a strong hand in writing"—no strong hand in the writing of the album or all but one songs?
It said making "Papa Don't Preach" the only song in the album... I don't understand what is unclear about this. Maybe if I replace that for in which. Frcm1988 (talk) 04:47, 5 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
"but commonly used in classical music, like Beethoven's Appassionata sonata"—one work cannot be likened to "classical music".
The source mention this work in particular, but I'll remove it if you believe is unnecessary. Frcm1988 (talk) 04:47, 5 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
"the combination between"—wrong preposition.
Changed to of. Frcm1988 (talk) 04:47, 5 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Odd to say that the instrumentation produces a powerful beat.
I changed it to instruments. Frcm1988 (talk) 04:47, 5 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]

I'd withdraw, do serious work with others on this, and resubmit in a while. Tony (talk) 03:36, 5 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Rejoinder to nominator's responses: Yep, I'd withdraw and renovate. Can you find a copy-editor in this field, and a WPian with good knowledge of how to describe popular musical style? Alas, Deckiller isn't around at all nowadays. I can advise on how to search for one, on your talk page if you need it. While WP is based on secondary texts, editors need to rely on more than one, to ensure that it's well-written and authoritative, and preferably to cross-check it with other sources. Could I remind you to be aware of the need to avoid repeating word-strings from other sources without quotation marks (you may not be, but there's a sense of over-reliance on what is written elsewhere. Tony (talk) 06:47, 5 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
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