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Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Naruto/archive3

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The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was promoted by Ian Rose via FACBot (talk) 10:43, 23 July 2017 [1].

Naruto edit

Nominator(s): 1989 & Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 16:38, 20 June 2017 (UTC)[reply]

This article is about a Japanese manga series that focus on Naruto Uzumaki, a character who wishes for acknowledgement from the people in his hometown and to become their new leader. After the second nomination, Mike Christie has been a big help to his contribution to the article, making the article shorter and easier to read. From our part, we would like to have this article given a second chance on FAC this year, and hopefully it could pass. 1989 16:38, 20 June 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Aoba47
  • I have a question about the "Original video animations" and the "Films" subsections. Would it be better to have this information represented in prose rather than a bulleted list? Also some aspects of the list feel a little incomplete to me (i.e. Focuses on the children of the main characters) and could use further context and information for the reader.
    On the article talk page, Mike felt that a list would look better and more organized. As for the incompleteness and context, I fixed it. -- 1989 19:10, 20 June 2017 (UTC)[reply]
    It used to be in prose; see this version, for example. It was essentially a list then, too, but was harder to read. Some of the details are at List of Naruto media, and since there's little more to say about the films and OVAs than their name, release date, and a sentence of summary, I don't think leaving it as prose is really beneficial. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 00:39, 21 June 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • Rather than "Commercial success" as a name of a section, wouldn't it be better to have "Commercial performance" just to avoid any misinterpretations of POV issues? While it is clear that this is successful, it may be better to let the sources speak for itself rather than putting it up in the section title.
    I changed it. -- 1989 19:10, 20 June 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Wonderful work with this article. I only have two rather minor comments to make about this. I will promote this article once my comments are addressed. Good luck with this article this time around. Aoba47 (talk) 18:16, 20 June 2017 (UTC)[reply]

@Aoba47: Replies above. -- 1989 19:10, 20 June 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • Thank you for your comments. I support this for promotion. Good luck with this and great work with the article as a whole. If possible, I would greatly appreciate any feedback on my current FAC? I understand if you do not have the time or energy to look at it though; hope you have a wonderful rest of your day. Hopefully, this time the nomination will be successful for you. Aoba47 (talk) 19:21, 20 June 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Source review edit

After translating the Japanese reference I added, I think the article passes its source review. All urls are archived whereas the books indicate page numbers. References in the both the series' success as well as critical response appear to be WP:Reliable sources approved by the project of manga and anime. Good work.Tintor2 (talk) 00:55, 21 June 2017 (UTC)[reply]

  • Image review - the fair use rationale for the single, low-res image is fine. FunkMonk (talk) 09:03, 21 June 2017 (UTC)[reply]
Comments from Vedant
  • The "addictiveness" bit in the lead is a little vague IMO. What exctly was addictive?
    I changed it. -- 1989 14:29, 24 June 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Kishimoto subsequently decided to make Naruto a child in ninja training who could transform into a fox, and he created a one-shot of Naruto for the summer 1997 issue of Akamaru Jump, in which Naruto is a fox" - The phrasing could be better. "Naruto" is overused in the sentence; the whole fox bit also feels repetitive.
    I changed it. -- 1989 14:29, 24 June 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Despite the positive feedback it received in a readers' poll, Kishimoto was unhappy with the art and the story." - "it" might not be appropriate it here as the subject should be introduced sepaartely in a new paragraph.
    Fixed. -- 1989 14:29, 24 June 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The first eight chapters of the follow-up series were planned before it appeared in the magazine" - again, the magazine isn't really as obvious as one might think. Unfamiliar readers might not follow the lead. I think it might be easier if you merge the paragraphs as they talk about the same thing.
    Fixed. -- 1989 14:29, 24 June 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • " but in the event there was little room for romantic plotlines as he considered Naruto to be primarily a fighting series" - this could be phrased better as well.
    Fixed. -- 1989 14:29, 24 June 2017 (UTC)[reply]

I have made some very basic fixes in prose while reading through the article, and will go through the rest of the sections soon. Also, are there no relevant images available for any of the sections? NumerounovedantTalk 13:23, 24 June 2017 (UTC)[reply]

1989 will be the expert on this, not me, but I doubt there are any free images, and we can't really justify more than one as fair use. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 14:37, 24 June 2017 (UTC)[reply]
Sadly, there are no free images of the author Masashi Kishimoto. In some volumes he showed some sketches about the characters but I doubt they are that important here.Tintor2 (talk) 15:58, 24 June 2017 (UTC)[reply]
Maybe this sketch of Naruto from the pilot series could help?Tintor2 (talk) 16:05, 24 June 2017 (UTC)[reply]
Not really. -- 1989 16:08, 24 June 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • Maybe a little bit on the rather unknown journalists/critics' actual professions just to put things in perspective? (Eg. Amy Plumb and Christopher A. Born, among others.)

The prose generally reads alright to me (although it could use some polishing), I might make some changes (if need be) directly. Other than that, I can Support this. Good luck with the nomination. NumerounovedantTalk 18:51, 24 June 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Jackdude101 edit

Support: the article is good to go, as far as I can see. Jackdude101 (Talk) 20:22, 2 June 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Comments by Wehwalt edit

I'll be reviewing this in parts, just starting with the lede here. Looks generally good, just one comment:

  • "Reviewers praised the manga's character development, strong storylines, and well-executed fight scenes, though some felt the fight scenes slowed the story down. The anime also received positive comments, though a couple of reviewers felt the animation was weak." Consecutive sentences with similar (and noticeable) structures. Also, "couple" seems informal.--Wehwalt (talk) 02:25, 7 July 2017 (UTC)[reply]
    I cut the second sentence -- the anime is secondary to the manga, and I don't think it has to be discussed in the lead; and it wasn't going to be easy to rephrase this without getting more specific or mentioning reviewer names, which is more than the lead requires. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 09:58, 7 July 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • Third Hokage is liked on a second or later usage but not on the first.
    Fixed. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 00:02, 10 July 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • " Shortly afterwards, Naruto becomes a ninja and teams with Sasuke Uchiha, whom he often competes against, and Sakura Haruno, whom he has a crush on, to form a three-person team, Team 7" "team" is used three times in this sentence. The two not in a proper noun can probably be changed.
    Agreed; done. I think if we say X joins Y and Z to form a team we don't need to say there were three people in the team. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 00:02, 10 July 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • More paragraph breaks in the plot summary strike me as a good idea.--Wehwalt (talk) 14:59, 9 July 2017 (UTC)[reply]
    Done. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 00:02, 10 July 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Tsunade herself, who is a figure of authority in Naruto, is portrayed as ridiculous in a way that men in the same position are not. Fujimoto suggests this conservative and old-fashioned presentation of women" The "conservative and old-fashioned ..." seems to stray into authorial voice rather than a source's opinion.
    I cut the adjectives; I think it could be altered to make it clear this is Fujimoto's opinion but there's no need. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 10:21, 14 July 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • I might give the reader a bit more background on Rock Lee, either in the plot summary or where they are introduced.
    Done. -- 1989 15:39, 14 July 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • "A monthly sequel series titled Boruto: Naruto Next Generations began in the Japanese and English editions of Weekly Shōnen Jump in Spring 2016," the "Spring" seems inconsistent with "monthly" I think it would be OK if you would lower case "Spring" and change "in" to "during".
    I made it "in early 2016". Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 10:21, 14 July 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • "It debuted on Japanese TV on February 15, 2007, on TV Tokyo, and concluded on March 23, 2017" Ok, swell, but then you're talking about stuff that happened in 2009, it's a bit confusing.
    Not sure what to do about this. If we split the end broadcast date from the debut date in order to keep things in chronological order, I think that would be confusing in a different way. How about making it "and eventually concluded" to prompt the reader that we're talking about a long time period, which might make the jump back to 2009 less confusing? Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 10:21, 14 July 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • "was released on December 16, 2009: featuring episodes 119–120, the story revolves around Kakashi Hatake's childhood." Likely that should be a semicolon.
    Done. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 10:21, 14 July 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Only the first 53 episodes were produced in this format" I might say "made available" for "produced"
    Done. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 10:21, 14 July 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • On the original video productions, the capitalization seems inconsistent (compare #4 with the others). Also, why is "High School" capped?
    On the first point I'll have to defer to 1989 as I just realized that the source given only seems to cover the Playstation release, not the OVA itself, though perhaps the information is hidden in the Japanese. I fixed the other point. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 10:31, 14 July 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • "While Team 7 are on the beach," "on the beach" is also an expression which I would avoid by saying "at the beach".
    Done. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 10:31, 14 July 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Sasuke sleeps and dreams of his brother Itachi making him breakfast, repeatedly until it is perfect." It strikes me that the English here could be improved (esp the second part).
    Made it "In his sleep, Sasuke dreams of his brother Itachi making him breakfast repeatedly until it is perfect". I think the comma was the real problem with the second part; is removing it enough? Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 10:31, 14 July 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Naruto Uzumaki is officially known to be the Seventh Hokage, but doesn't make it to the ceremony." Officially known?
    Changed to just "is officially the". Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 10:31, 14 July 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • "A short original video animation titled Konoha Annual Sports Festival" this has the air of introducing something completely knew when you've just spoken of it a few paragraphs before.
    Fixed. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 10:31, 14 July 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Naruto is sent 20 years into the past as he explores a mystical tower for a rogue ninja with the Fourth Hokage." language could be improved especially the "for a rogue ninja" is it on behalf of the ninja?
    Fixed. -- 1989 15:39, 14 July 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Naruto is framed for attempted murder of the Raikage; as he tries to break out of prison, he discovers its secrets." If it's the prison's secrets, I would put a "the" before prison. If it's something else, obviously you've fooled me.
    Done. -- 1989 15:39, 14 July 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • "but before he awakens his Mangekyō Sharingan" haven't a clue what this is and this is the only reference.
    Added description. -- 1989 15:39, 14 July 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • "light novels" I haven't encountered this expression before. It means?
    It's a Japanese publishing format; we have an article on it. It's linked in the lead. Do you think more explanation is needed, or perhaps another link in the body? Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 10:48, 14 July 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Various Drama CD series were released with voice actors performing original episodes." Drama CD? Odd caps, and odd phrase.
    The source calls them that, but I agree it looks odd. I think the intention is just to indicate that they are dramatic renditions; they're audio only so they can't say anime. The second half of the sentence makes it clear what's going on so I just cut "Drama". Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 10:37, 14 July 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Soundtracks from the Shippuden films have also been released, with the first one available in 2007.[145][146]" This is, effectively, a rehash of what you've just said.
    Actually this refers to the movie soundtracks as opposed to the anime soundtracks. Is this unclear? We could change the start of the paragraph to "Soundtracks for the anime Naruto: Shippuden..." if that would help highlight the difference. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 10:37, 14 July 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • " a series of guidebooks called Naruto anime profiles was released." Shouldn't this be in title caps?
    Fixed. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 10:46, 14 July 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • "In a review of volume 28 Brienza also praised Part II's storyline and characterization, though she commented that not every volume reached that level of quality." I would change "that" to "a high".
    Done. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 10:46, 14 July 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • The date of the conference, at least the year, would be helpful.
    The proceedings come from two conferences, in 2009 and 2010, but after looking at it again I just cut the sentence; knowing that the conference existed tells the reader nothing about Naruto. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 10:46, 14 July 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • "and Derrick Tucker was also negative, though he felt that their best, the depictions "[left] little to be desired"." I'm not sure what "their best" really means here. Maybe "at their best"?
    That was just a typo; fixed. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 10:46, 14 July 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • "As with the manga, some reviewers, such as Martin Theron of ANN, along with Tucker, felt there were too many fight scenes,[201][200]" wrong order
    Fixed, though I believe this is not a requirement; I recall a recent discussion, maybe at VPM, about this. Some editors like to place the most important reference first. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 10:46, 14 July 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Naruto: Shippuden was well-reviewed by Activeanime's David C. Jones who commented animation had improved" Animation in general or in the Naruto series?
    Just the series; changed to "commented that the animation had improved". Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 10:46, 14 July 2017 (UTC)[reply]
That's what I've got.--Wehwalt (talk) 08:50, 14 July 2017 (UTC)[reply]
Thank you very much for the review. I've responded to most points above; 1989 is the subject matter expert so I've left some for them. 1989, can you take a look through the outstanding points above? Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 10:49, 14 July 2017 (UTC)[reply]
Done. -- 1989 15:39, 14 July 2017 (UTC)[reply]
How do things look to you now, Wehwalt? Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 15:27, 22 July 2017 (UTC)[reply]
Oops, sorry,Support.--Wehwalt (talk) 08:26, 23 July 2017 (UTC)[reply]
@Wehwalt: The first ping may not have worked due to an error, as you need to remove the error ping with the message and repost. -- 1989 00:35, 23 July 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Comments by Timothyjosephwood edit

  • I'm not an FA expert, but I looked through and made a few exceedingly minor corrections, and there's nothing jumping out at me as obvious issues that I can see. TimothyJosephWood 16:53, 10 July 2017 (UTC)[reply]
The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
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