Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Iveta Mukuchyan/archive2

The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was archived by Ian Rose via FACBot (talk) 11:44, 7 September 2018 [1].

Iveta Mukuchyan edit

Iveta Mukuchyan is a German-Armenian singer-songwriter, model, and actress. Any comments on the article will be greatly appreciated. Harut111 (talk) 08:44, 10 August 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Vami_IV

Early life and Career
I've put both of these together because I don't think there's enough material in "Early life" to justify its own full section. I suggest combining the two and having "Early life" just be the first paragraph in this new section.

[...], where she started kindergarten.[2] Her family moved to Germany in 1992.[3] Combine these into one sentence and link Kindergarten.
She was educated in Germany [...] Redundant.
despite reported difficulties. Elaborate?
Her sister, Marianna, is a stylist. Irrelevant.
"L'amour n'a pas de loi" Delete the quote marks and italicize the text per WP:MOS, "Titles of works." Apply this to all songs in the article.
El Style Who?
She released the single, "Simple like a Flower", and a music video in October 2015. Consider: Mukuchyan released the single Simple Like a Flower, with music video, in October 2015.
Lilith ~~Navasardyan~~ and Levon Navasardyan
Mukuchyan premiered the song and a music video in March 2016. In March 2016 she appeared again on the cover of El Style. Combine.
In addition to her musical career, she starred with Mkrtich Arzumanyan in the adventure-comedy film Run Away or Get Married (2016) and recorded the soundtrack of the movie. This is out of place for this section and reads like that would better be in the lead. Perhaps move it to the bottom of "2015–2016: Eurovision Song Contest."
"To all the broken hearts out there. I got you on my mind. Love should be the only thing that ever crosses our borders. My prayers go to Artsakh". Delete.
"Any further breach of the rules of the 2016 Eurovision Song Contest could lead to disqualification from this year's event or any successive editions." Redundant, delete.
"Amena", which Mukuchyan said is a song about women and their transformation, inner struggles and values, [...] Save this for the article for the song.

Comments from Aoba47 edit

In the first sentence of the lead, I do not believe that “Armenian” and “singer-songwriter” need wikilinks. I also do not think that “Germany” needs a wikilink either.
The “currently based in Germany" part is rather awkwardly placed at the end of the lead’s first sentence. I am not sure if it entirely necessary, so I think you can remove it.
I would wikilink Armenian Soviet Socialist Republic in the lead, like you did in the infobox.
I would revise this part (and auditioned for season four of the talent competition Hay Superstar finishing fifth) to this suggestion (and placed fifth in the fourth season of the talent competition Hay Superstar.) for more concise language.
For this sentence (She represented Armenia at the May 2016 Eurovision Song Contest 2016 with the song "LoveWave", finishing seventh in the final.), I would remove “May 2016”. It is not entirely necessary, as the date is provided in the link. It is also rather awkward to have “2016” repeated twice in such close succession.
I would revise this sentence (Mukuchyan made her acting debut in the film Run Away Or Get Married (with Armenian actor Mkrtich Arzumanyan) that year, and her debut extended play, IvaVerse, was released.) to the following suggestion (Mukuchyan made her acting debut in the film Run Away Or Get Married (with Armenian actor Mkrtich Arzumanyan) that year, and released her debut extended play, IvaVerse.)
I have two suggestions for this sentence (In autumn 2016 Mukuchyan was a jury member on the first season of Depi Evratesil, a television series selecting the Armenian entrant for the 2017 Eurovision Song Contest.). A comma should be added after “2016”, and I would wikilink 2017 Eurovision Song Contest.
For the first sentence of the “Early life” section, use her full name as it is the first time you mention her in the body of the article.
In the same section, I do not believe the wikilink for “Germany” is necessary. I would add a wikilink for Hamburg though.
I think you can paraphrase this quote "parents' advice”.
Can you clarify what you mean by this “reported difficulties”? I do not understand what you mean.
Is there any information on her parents (i.e. her jobs)?
There is a jump from 2012 to 2015. Is there any information about her in 2013 and 2014? I understand if there isn’t anything, but I just want to make sure.
I would add paragraph breaks to the “Eurovision Song Contest” section to make it more readable.
For this sentence (In September she performed a solo concert for), add a comma after “September”.
The open-air concert image is very low-quality so I am not sure what it adds to the article. Also, it says that it was taken in 2018 so I am not sure what it is doing in the section on the singer’s activity between 2016 and 2017.
For this sentence (Mukuchyan released her debut extended play, IvaVerse (a mix of styles, including funk and R&B))), please link the music genres.
I do not think that the reference to the genre in the infobox is needed as that should be supported in the article itself.
For this sentence (Mukuchyan was a special guest on The Voice on 13 October, when she sang Naughty Boy's "Running".), specify in the prose that it is “The Voice of Armenia”.
For this sentence (On 11 November, Mukuchyan and her sister launched their Mukuchyan brand at the MADE shopping center.), remove the wikilink for the sister as you have already linked her in a previous section.
For this sentence (Next day, she gave a concert with her band at the KAMI Music Club, where she sang songs by the Dashterov project and her latest singles.), I would avoid using “Next day” as this subsection should not be a blow-by-blow account of this person’s life. It should be more of a overview. I would use the date instead.
Add a wikilink for Europe Day.
I would condense these two sentence (The singer announced an upcoming film with Mher Mkrchyan and Arka Manukyan in August 2017. The Path of Our Dream was released on 19 December.) to (She appeared in the 2017 film The Path of Our Dream) as it is not necessary to say that she was announced to be in the role. I would also add more infomration about the role and critical response if you could find anything.
Was there any critical response to her acting in Run Away or Get Married?
For this sentence (She was educated in Germany and attended the Catholic Sankt-Ansgar-Schule in Hamburg from 1998 to 2006), I think you can remove “was educated in Germany” and just say “She attended…) to be more concise.
For this sentence ( In March 2016 she appeared again on the cover of El Style.), please add a comma after 2016.
I am not sure about the use of the quote in this sentence (She said of her acting career, "I fell in love with acting and playing different characters. My first experience was with the amazing Mkrtich Arzumanyan and now I was allowed to work with Mher Mkrtchyan and Arka Manukyan for a new movie project that will be in the theaters this year. It is a very different character than I played before. I'm sure you gonna [sic] be just as much surprised as I was.”). It is very long, and would need to be either a block quote or something else. I am also not sure if the entire quote is really necessary. Maybe there can be a better way of incorporating it in the prose?
For this sentence (Mukuchyan performed her new single, "Depi Nor Irakanutyun", at the Miss Armenia beauty pageant on 24 September.), remove “new” as it is not longer “new”.
Avoid putting titles in all caps in the references. I noticed this in multiple places.

I can tell that a lot of work has been put into this article, but I have noticed several issues with prose on a first read-through. There are spots on awkward sentence construction that need to be addressed. I am leaning towards oppose as I do not believe the prose is strong enough for an FA. Aoba47 (talk) 05:41, 7 September 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Coord note edit

This has been open several weeks without approaching consensus for promotion, nor does there appear to have been much if any engagement by the nominator with reviewers, so I'm going to archive it. Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 11:44, 7 September 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Closing note: This candidate has been archived, but there may be a delay in bot processing of the close. Please see WP:FAC/ar, and leave the {{featured article candidates}} template in place on the talk page until the bot goes through. Ian Rose (talk) 11:44, 7 September 2018 (UTC)[reply]

The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.