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Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Hurricane Lane (2018)/archive1

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The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was promoted by Ealdgyth via FACBot (talk) 22 May 2020 [1].

Hurricane Lane (2018) edit

Nominator(s): NoahTalk 12:56, 24 March 2020 (UTC) and ~ Cyclonebiskit (chat) 21:42, 24 March 2020 (UTC)[reply]

This article is about Hurricane Lane, the 2018 pacific storm that affected Hawaii. Per Hurricanehink's recommendations and my own belief that it is high quality, I have nominated it for featured article. NoahTalk 12:56, 24 March 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Support Comments by TropicalAnalystwx13 edit

  • "Hurricane Lane was the second wettest tropical cyclone on record in the United States, after Hurricane Harvey of the previous year, and the wettest tropical cyclone on record in Hawaii, with rainfall accumulations of 58 in (1,500 mm) at Kahūnā Falls." - Holy loaded sentence batman. A few things...one, the fact it's the #1 wettest in Hawaii is probably more notable than #2 in the United States. Save the mention of Harvey for later in the article.
  • "Traversing west through a region favorable for powerful cyclones" - This isn't always true. It depends on environmental conditions. Probably better just to mention that.
  • region of atmospheric and oceanic conditions.... NoahTalk 23:46, 24 March 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Landslides and flooding damage roads statewide; repairs concluded in April 2019." - Damage to damaged.
  • "Early on August 19, Lane crossed 140°W, transitioning from the NHC's area of responsibility to the Central Pacific Hurricane Center (CPHC)" --> "Early on August 19, the Central Pacific Hurricane Center assumed responsibility of the storm after it crossed 140W."?
  • "Reconnaissance data around 09:00 UTC showed continued strengthening, though the observations had mixed signals." - Mixed signals why? All data points confirmed a powerful hurricane.
  • Looks like CB fixed this issue. NoahTalk 12:22, 25 March 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Increased wind shear from an approaching upper-level trough imparted weakening once more by August 23, though Lane would not recover this time." - Link trough.
  • "University of Hawaii at Manoa students who were staying on the campus were advised to stay informed and download alert apps, and to store basic emergency supplies such as flashlights, first aid kits, food, and water" - Sounds like normal preparation stuff we don't care about.
  • "Hawaiian Airlines waived the change fees for tickets to, from, within, and through Hawaii from August 21–26." - Maybe simplify "to, from, within, and through" to simply "across"?
  • The problem with that is that it would make it appear that the airlines were only waving the fees for people inside the state of Hawaii rather than anyone traveling to the state from elsewhere. NoahTalk 12:22, 25 March 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The Department of Homeland Security's Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) were authorized to coordinate disaster relief beginning on August 22 and continuing indefinitely." - FEMA is a singular agency. Were --> was
  • "Downed power lines made many evacuated residents slow to return to their homes after the storm." --> "Downed power lines prevented evacuated residents from returning home in the wake of the storm."
  • "The fire destroyed 22 homes,[60] including one worth $5.5 million,[61] leaving 60 people homeless,[58] and burned 27 vehicles." --> "The fire burned 27 vehicles and also destroyed 22 homes, including one worth $5.5 million, leaving 60 people homeless"?
  • I can change it further if you feel it needs to be. I thought a semicolon would suffice since it does the job of separating thoughts much better than a comma. NoahTalk 12:22, 25 March 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "On August 29, the Central Pacific Bank would provide natural disaster loans of $1,000–3,000 for any Maui residents who applied." - This is worded as if it would be provided on August 29 only.
  • Don't forget to mention the bit about Harvey and the second wettest in the U.S. in the impact section. It also needs a source since one isn't provided in the lede.

That's all from me. TropicalAnalystwx13 (talk · contributions) 20:01, 24 March 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Source review - spotchecks not done

  • "Total damage from the hurricane exceeded $42.5 million" - don't see this total cited anywhere, which of the mentioned figures are being included in this calculation?
    • AON has total economic losses at $250 million so I've added that in. ~ Cyclonebiskit (chat) 18:56, 28 March 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "This upper-level low would eventually develop into a subtropical cyclone along the International Dateline in early September" is cited to a tweet dated before September
  • All meteorological events for tropical cyclones are recorded in coordinated universal time (UTC). 8:16 PM (I don't whether this is EDT or HST, but it doesnt matter) on August 31 --> 00:16 on September 1. NoahTalk 16:10, 28 March 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • ...So by "early September" you mean "in the first 16 minutes of September"? Nikkimaria (talk) 17:20, 28 March 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • National Hurricane Center is not a work - check for others
  • I'm not seeing this in the article at all. It may have been that NHC was listed as a website with NOAA as the publisher. Since that in itself was incorrect, I have changed all to NHC as the publisher with no website parameter. NoahTalk 15:25, 28 March 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Central Pacific Hurricane Center is also being listed using |website= when it shouldn't be, check for others. Nikkimaria (talk) 17:20, 28 March 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • FN35: source credits this story to newspaper staff, not AP
  • FN36: again, not seeing the AP credit at source - check for others
  • Fn38 is missing publication date, check for others
  • FN44 has a formatting error
  • Specific news programs are works, channels are not
  • Channel names should be presented using |publisher=, whereas names of programs should use |work= or one of its aliases. Nikkimaria (talk) 20:22, 28 March 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • @Nikkimaria: I think I fixed this one. Changed the KNON ones to publisher since it is a channel and the Hawaii News Now to work since it is a program. Also fixed a Hawaii tribune ref that was incorrect. NoahTalk 12:53, 1 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Be consistent in whether authors are listed first or last name first
  • FN59 is missing author credit, check for others. Nikkimaria (talk) 14:27, 28 March 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Sorry, not yet. For example I'm still seeing a whole bunch of attribution to AP where it's not present in the source. Nikkimaria (talk) 20:22, 28 March 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Removed the AP attributions where I couldn't find them. NoahTalk 03:11, 30 March 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Be consistent in whether you include locations for reports
  • Still seeing AP attributions where there shouldn't be - for example FN63 (the images are from AP, but the content doesn't appear to be)
  • FN42 should use a more specific publisher. Nikkimaria (talk) 01:22, 28 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Mike Christie edit

I've left a note here, on the tropical cyclones WikiProject talk page, about first sentences of storm articles; if/when that reaches a consensus that may affect this article. Other comments:

I just went ahead and changed it. I moved the part about it being wettest to the second sentence. NoahTalk 15:18, 19 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Traversing west through a region of...: traversing is used to describe crossing something; the storm could have traversed a region of the ocean, but it can't just traverse west. "Traveling" or "moving" would work instead. You could say "Traversing a region of...", but then you lose the "west"; the problem is that "through" is already implied by "traverse".
  • Changed to "tracking". NoahTalk 15:18, 19 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Any reason you link the other islands but not the Big Island?
  • microwave satellite imagery depicted an eye at the lower levels of the cyclone: "depicted" isn't right; it implies agency on the part of the depicter, though it does get used in the passive to avoid this. I think "showed" would work.
  • Advisory discussions by meteorological agencies usually use "depict" when referring to features from satellite imagery, but since it's not grammatically correct I changed it to the suggestion. ~ Cyclonebiskit (chat) 18:25, 19 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Wind shear became increasingly intense, and "[tore] apart" the cyclone. Its inner core became disrupted and soon collapsed. It seems odd to have a two word quote, one word of which is in brackets. How about "Increasingly intense wind shear disrupted the inner core of the cyclone, which soon collapsed", cited to both sources?
  • That was a bit of flavoring on my part :P Changed it to the suggested, succinct line. ~ Cyclonebiskit (chat) 18:25, 19 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • As Lane was the first tropical cyclone that threatened to make landfall in Hawaii as a hurricane in over two decades, Fort Shafter announced that all Navy vessels and Air Force planes were being moved out of state on August 22: the source doesn't support the statement that the movement of planes and vessels was because it had been two decades since the last storm, which is an odd thing to say anyway.
  • Added a proper citation to the two decade bit and split the sentence so it doesn't make a false claim. ~ Cyclonebiskit (chat) 18:25, 19 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Accumulations were greatest along the volcanic slopes of Mauna Loa; 49.48 in (1,257 mm) fell in Waiākea-Uka near the city. Precipitation peaked at 58 in (1,473.2 mm) at Kahūnā Falls, as measured by a private weather station. A couple of things here. First, these two sentences seem to contradict each other, unless Kahūnā Falls is on the slopes of Mauna Loa, in which case that should be clearer. Second, what city is being referred to?
  • Yes, they're both on the east slope of Mauna Loa. I reworked it to prioritize the 58" measurement and the record. A few other measurements are listed after. ~ Cyclonebiskit (chat) 18:25, 19 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Residents reported similarities to historic flooding in April: "historic" gets overused; suggest "Residents reported similarities to record-breaking flooding earlier that year", with the same link.
  • Is there a possible link target for "brown water advisory"? If not, what about a red link for it, or for "brown water", if that's a term that gets used in these situations?
  • Evidently we don't have an article for this, but there's really not much to say about it to warrant one. It just means be advised of potentially contaminated water from surface runoff. ~ Cyclonebiskit (chat) 18:25, 19 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • The "See also" list is quite long -- do we really need all of those? Some are already linked in the navboxes at the bottom, for example, and others seem only marginally relevant. How many readers are going to care about Hurricane Ana just because it had a similar track?
  • Trimmed the section down a bit and removed redundant links. ~ Cyclonebiskit (chat) 18:25, 19 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Generally this is pretty close; just a few points above. The prose is fairly staccato, with lots of short declarative sentences, particularly in the "Impact" section; that's always a problem with these articles, and it's not easy to fix, since the nature of those sections is to list many independent facts. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 11:29, 19 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you very much for the review! If there are additional comments/concerns I'll be more than happy to address them. ~ Cyclonebiskit (chat) 18:25, 19 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Support. Looks good with the fixes. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 18:51, 19 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Image review edit

All images are properly sourced and licenced. ALT text seems OKish. Jo-Jo Eumerus (talk) 18:15, 21 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Support from JC edit

  • Increased organization of the system marked its transition to a tropical depression - This is a little clunky, but by main complaint is that "transition" should (in my view) be reserved for cyclone phase changes, where the word has meteorological significance. Pick a synonym, any synonym.
  • Based on Dvorak satellite intensity estimates and the development of banding features - Curved bands are taken into account by the Dvorak technique, so these aren't actually distinct indicators.
  • high sea surface temperatures - I'd change "high" to "warm" at the very least, but ideally say how warm they were.
    • Changed, given source didn't specify so I had to use a prior discussion. ~ Cyclonebiskit (chat) 23:19, 2 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • With the met. hist. being as chronologically structured as it is, remove the mention of Cat 4 before we get to that point.
  • symmetrical outflow atop the storm provided ample ventilation for convective development. - The referenced discussion doesn't support this, and I think it's unnecessarily technical.
    • Removed unsourced bit and consolidated with subsequent sentence. ~ Cyclonebiskit (chat) 23:19, 2 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • with winds exceeding 74 mph (119 km/h) - Why this instead of the actual intensity?
  • breaking the eyewall - Is the eyewall something that can be broken in the physical sense?
  • Reconnaissance observed peak surface winds of 177 mph (285 km/h) - SFMR is a form of remote sensing, not direct observation.
  • imparted weakening - Caysed, induced, engendered, begat... not imparted.
  • though Lane would not recover this time. - Too anthropomorphic.
  • What is "noticeable" weakening?
  • Increasingly intense wind shear disrupted the inner core of the cyclone, which soon collapsed. - Is it your intention to convey that the cyclone collapsed, and not that the core collapsed?
  • 150 mi (240 km) south and west of most islands. - I'm having trouble verifying this in the provided sources. Equidistance from "most" islands in a 2,500-km chain seems doubtful.
    • "Under persistent strong vertical wind shear, Lane rapidly weakened late 24 August through 25 August as it made its closest approach to the State of Hawaii, within 130 n mi south and west of most islands." – Directly from the TCR, but I'm adjusting to "main islands". ~ Cyclonebiskit (chat) 23:19, 2 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Sporadic convection, sometimes with intense thunderstorms - But earlier you said convection was thunderstorms.
  • Hurricane Lane was the most powerful storm to threaten Hawaii since Hurricane Iniki in 1992. - Not consistent with reference to John 1994 in the previous section.
  • I hate to say it, but the paragraph documenting the timeline of watches and warnings is mind-numbingly dull. What's to be gained by knowing each change? I've spent a long time advocating for summary-style discussion of TC statements: the first watch, the greatest extent of the highest warning, and the final discontinuation.
  • The University of Hawaii at Manoa initiated emergency protocols on August 22, and a University spokesperson said two weeks worth of food and water had been stored in case of a severe emergency. - What do these protocols entail? And why attribute the fact that provisions were stored? Do we doubt this?
    • Removed this as it's not terribly notable or really out of the ordinary for a university. ~ Cyclonebiskit (chat) 23:19, 2 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • two dozen domestic and international flights to and from Honolulu International Airport, Hilo International Airport, Kahului Airport, and Lihue Airport. - International flights between Hawaiian airports?
  • while the remainder of harbors statewide remained one alert level below closure. How many alert levels are there? Why is this important? It seems like a fancy way to say "nothing happened".
  • Numerous state parks and hiking trails closed for the duration of the storm - Remove "for the duration of the storm", since that seems imprecise.
  • Fort Shafter announced that all Navy vessels and Air Force planes were being moved out of state on August 22. - This badly misrepresents the source material. Also, metonymy on the first (and only) reference to Fort Shafter is not appropriate.
    • Not sure what happened there but rewrote the navy/air force material. ~ Cyclonebiskit (chat) 23:19, 2 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]

I'll stop there for now. Based on my initial read-through of the MH and preps sections, the article is in fair shape; just some polishing to be done. – Juliancolton | Talk 04:06, 2 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you very much for the thorough comments. If you have additional suggestions for the remainder of the article I would be happy to work on it. ~ Cyclonebiskit (chat) 23:19, 2 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Continued:

  • Accumulations were greatest along the volcanic slopes of Mauna Loa - Aren't all the slopes on Mauna Loa volcanic? If possible, a region (eg. "eastern slopes", "northern side", or whatever the case may be) would be helpful.
  • a maximum of 58 in (1,473.2 mm) at Kahūnā Falls in Akaka Falls State Park, as measured by a private weather station - False precision, apparently. Also, the total is listed as 58.8" in the PNS... was it later revised?
    • PNS's are preliminary documents, the final total given was 58.00 inches which is listed by the TCR and WPC. The auto conversion is a bit too precise, but 4 sigfigs is appropriate here rather than 5. ~ Cyclonebiskit (chat) 21:55, 3 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Along the still-erupting Kīlauea volcano, the rain created excessive steam that caused whiteouts.'
    • The earlier reference to Kilauea omits the kahakō, and the link should be moved there.
    • "Still-erupting" doesn't provide much context. Still from when? 1983? Suggest changing to "active" or simply "erupting" and linking 2018 lower Puna eruption.
    • A whiteout, to the best of my knowledge and experience, strongly connotes snow being involved somehow.
    • It may be misleading to say this did happen; the source says it was considered a possibility.
      • Added a link to the proper eruption and removed the whiteout mention (source uses that word, but you're likely correct). ~ Cyclonebiskit (chat) 21:55, 3 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • I don't see a major overlinking problem, but it can't hurt to check if the nominators have the time/inclination. There are a few inks to Hilo.
  • Areas along the Hilo Bayfront were particularly affected. - IS there any more context for this?
  • Landslides in the town destroyed two homes. - Does "the town" refer to Hilo or to Hawaiian Acres specifically?
  • Close paraphrasing (and needs metric conversion once resolved):
    • Excess water overwhelmed three sewage pumps, causing 9 million gallons of untreated wastewater to spill into Hilo Bay
    • The storm also overwhelmed three sewage pump stations, causing more than 9 million gallons of untreated wastewater to spill into Hilo Bay
  • Across Hawaii County - I think this is the first time the Big Island was called Hawaii County instead of the Big Island, or variations thereof. While I figured they were one and the same, it isn't made immediately apparently.
    • They are but swapped it to the Big Island for simplicity. ~ Cyclonebiskit (chat) 21:55, 3 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • $3–5 million in property damage - The source seems to suggest that figure largely stemmed from lost valuables and bonsai stock, and I'm not sure those would count as property damage. Maybe I'm wrong.
  • 4,000 in West Maui. - West Maui redirects to the mountain range. Probably not the intended target.
    • Little rabbit hole here, fixed a sourcing issue and was able to add some more information in the process. ~ Cyclonebiskit (chat) 21:55, 3 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • At one point, a hurricane shelter had to be evacuated because of encroaching flames; 600 people were evacuated due to wildfires overall. - This sentence should be split to avoid the implication that the latter figure encompasses the former event.
  • Heavy rains later affected Maui, accumulating to 25.58 in (650 mm) in West Wailuaiki. - There are some instances of misplaced modifiers, most of them inoffensive enough to overlook. This one is a bit more jarring and requires rewording IMO.
  • On August 24, a sinkhole estimated to be 25 to 30 ft (7.6 to 9.1 m) deep opened in Haiku. Three residences, each with families home, were left isolated. - I don't see the depth figures in the following citation, though maybe I'm missing it as I did once in my last round of comments. I'd also round the conversions.
    • Not sure where 25-30 comes from, the source says 20 so I've corrected that. ~ Cyclonebiskit (chat) 21:55, 3 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Three of the first four sentences in the Kauaʻi and Oʻahu are structured around the semicolon, so that gets a little monotonous.
  • Power outages affected households in Haena and Wainiha,[62] with wind gusts in the latter reaching 55 mph (89 km/h). - I don't share some reviewers' general objection to the "with -ing" participial phrase construction, but it's out of place here as it implies causation.
  • Residents reported similarities to record-breaking flooding in April. - I'd frame this less anecdotally; "some of the hardest-hit areas were previously affected by..."
  • in Hawaiʻi - Is there a reason for using the fancy apostrophe just this one time?
  • Officials in Hawaii reallocated $10 million in funding for road projects to pay for disaster recovery. Repair costs for damaged roads and bridges across eastern areas of the island reached $35 million.
    • Now here I think it's appropriate to specify Hawaii County, since it was that council doing the budgeting.
    • Source doesn't support that all or even most of the $10 million was originally allocated to road projects. It should also be noted that they were interested in repairing county property, not funding recovery in general.
    • $35 million was an estimate. Change to reflect this if no final total can be found (which is probably the case).
Lede
  • peak rainfall accumulations of 58 in (1,500 mm) at Kahūnā Falls - Suggest changing precise location of the weather station to the broader Mauna Loa, which is more meaningful to most people.
  • Link or explain "major hurricane", and link Category 5 on the first usage, not second.

– Juliancolton | Talk 04:05, 3 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Greatly appreciate the additional comments! I believe everything has been addressed. ~ Cyclonebiskit (chat) 21:55, 3 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]
More

In the course of my final read-through, I found a few more things that tripped me up. I'm doing some minor editing for flow and clarity... if I've inadvertently changed the meaning of anything, feel free to revert. Comments in no particular order at this point:

  • On August 29, the Central Pacific Bank announced that it would provide natural disaster loans of $1,000–3,000 for any Maui residents who applied. - This does not faithfully represent the source. As far as I can tell, the loan program was available to the entire state (not just Maui), included amounts up to $10,000, not $3,000, and still included an application process - "any" resident was not automatically approved. Once again, it's entirely possible I've overlooking something important, but this is what I'm seeing right now.
  • FEMA ultimately provided nearly $2.5 million in public assistance. - Source says nearly $10 million.
    • Archived link has the $2.5m, guess more was approved in the year since then. Updated accordingly ~ Cyclonebiskit (chat) 21:41, 4 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Residents observed fire whirls approximately 15 ft (4.6 m) tall. - Is there a way to make clear that only one person witnessed this?
  • it also burned 27 vehicles.[57] - Why is the NCDC event report used for most other fire-related figures, except this one?

I think that's about it. – Juliancolton | Talk 16:59, 4 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you again for the comments! Went down another rabbit hole and was able to add more information to the article. If you have the time, I'd appreciate if you could look it over. ~ Cyclonebiskit (chat) 21:41, 4 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]
The added content looks good. Once again, I made a few minor edits, hopefully without inadvertently introducing new issues. I'm satisfied that the article now meets the criteria, so support. – Juliancolton | Talk 15:11, 6 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Support from SN54129 edit

Placeholder, will give this a butcher's tomorrow. serial # 18:47, 7 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  • Perhaps link "microwave satellite" to Microwave transmission.
  • "close to Hawaii was Hurricane John" --> "close to Hawaii had been Hurricane John"?
  • "closed on August 22 to 24" -->"closed between August 22 and 24".
  • Big Island (Hawaii) can probably be delinked in the lead as it links to Hawaii, which is also linked to in the lead. But it's also linked to in the final "See also". On the other hand Hawaii itself is also linked in the lead—twice!—and the infobox, and then doesn't seem to be linked in the body at all?
    • The Big Island and state are both named "Hawaii", which is why the island is often just referred to as "The Big Island" and the entire archipelago is "Hawaii". Removed the redundant extra link in the lead for the state. ~ Cyclonebiskit (chat) 20:51, 8 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "though that hurricane passed far enough" --> "though that passed far enough", as it's clear what the "that" is referring to and removes a repetative (third use of) "hurricane".
  • Suggest: " turned almost due north".
  • "Although the storm itself continued to weaken, the displacement of shower and thunderstorms to the east of its center resulted" ---> is "displacement" necessary? "Although the storm itself continued to weaken, shower and thunderstorms to the east of its center resulted..." seesm to work equally well.
  • "Sporadic convection, sometimes with intense, occurred during this period"...intense what?
  • "Hurricane Lane was the most powerful storm to threaten Hawaii since Hurricane Iniki in 1992". Now, if Iniki was a Cat 4 storm, and we have been told in an earlier paragraph that "The only other Category 5 hurricane to track this close to Hawaii was Hurricane John in 1994", this reads rather contradictorilly? However, if what you mean is that, although John was stronger it did not get as close to inhabitation as Iniki, could Ininki's mention bet tweaked to clarify this? (For the non-hurricanologits, you understand!)
    • This seems to be a problematic point with other editors. Given the rather arbitrary distance I've gone ahead and removed mention of John so it should be clearer now. ~ Cyclonebiskit (chat) 23:15, 8 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "On August 27, Lane briefly reorganized with a burst of convection over its center and banding features developing to the east. By August 28, the convection became", how about "On August 27, Lane briefly reorganized with a burst of convection over its center and banding features developing to the east. The next day, the convection became..."
  • " President Donald Trump issued an emergency declaration for Hawaii", is there anything linkable to "emergency declaration"?
  • "also flooded. Areas along the Hilo Bayfront saw widespread flooding". How about tightening, to something like "also flooded, as was much of the Hilo Bayfront"?
  • "Residents in Hawaiian Acres were forced to abandon their cars on flooded roads.[44] Landslides there destroyed two homes". Suggest "Residents in Hawaiian Acres were forced to abandon their cars on flooded roads, and landslides destroyed two homes".
  • I'm guessing that Maui and Molokaʻi were not hit by torrential rain then, as brush fires broke out! Talk about unlucky. But do we know why such diverse weather was experinced in the same storm?
    • Strong winds can extend outside the range of heavy rain from a hurricane, as was the case here. The post-storm report did have additional information clarifying this that I've added in. ~ Cyclonebiskit (chat) 23:15, 8 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "the Maui County Police Department determined there was no criminal intent involved." Wel, mens rea is a pretty specific thing to link to in an article aboyt hurricanes; how about linking to arson instead, as that is what the investigators were determining?
  • Ah, but then we hear that rain hits Maui on 25 Aug, which kind of draws attention to a lack of dates in the previous section. If a date could be inserted there to indicate when the fires started and/or died out, I think the chronology would then flow better?
  • "Around 25 signs along the Lahaina bypass was blown away or burned": plural signs suggests "were" rather than "was"?
  • "near mile marker 17", slightly meanngless to those us that do't live ther! Can a (maybe approximate) location be provided?
  • Actually, on that theme, considering the number of geographical location the article mentions, a map wouldn't go amiss. Is that possible? ([https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Category:Maps_of_Hawaii Quite a few at Commons)
    • Isn't that what the location links are for? Most of the maps don't appear particularly helpful ~ Cyclonebiskit (chat) 23:15, 8 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "waters", water?
    • "waters" generally implies a general or specific body of water (to my knowledge) which is appropriate here. ~ Cyclonebiskit (chat) 23:15, 8 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Link Central Pacific Bank?
  • Can "brown water advisory" be expanded on perhaps? I don't think many people wil know what that it is; and until this article, the phrase is only used on one other in the entire project :)
    • Reworded to just describe what a brown water advisory is. ~ Cyclonebiskit (chat) 20:51, 8 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Do we know why Honolulu was excluded from the emergency package?
    • FEMA didn't specify why, but presumably because damage wasn't as severe there. Can't add personal speculation tho. ~ Cyclonebiskit (chat) 20:51, 8 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Some of the hardest-hit areas were previously affected"; "Some of the hardest-hit areas had previously been affected"?
  • Any reason the aid took (presumably over) a year to be paid out? (Indeed, has it?)
    • The government is slow, not much else to say. No source to support that tho. ~ Cyclonebiskit (chat) 23:15, 8 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • I'd suggest that the sentence "Prolonged damaging swells from Hurricanes Lane, Olivia, and Norman caused extensive erosion along the north shore of Oʻahu" be moved to the aftermath section.
NIce article. If any of my remarks fly in the face on ENGVAR, etc., feel free to point them out. Cheers, serial # 14:13, 8 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Thank you for the review, Serial Number 54129! I believe I've addressed/replied to everything. ~ Cyclonebiskit (chat) 23:15, 8 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Hey, does everything look okay @Serial Number 54129:? NoahTalk 12:32, 12 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Spotchecks edit

I've spotchecked half-a-dozen citations and everything matches, with no close paraphrasing. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 10:15, 15 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]

The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
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