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Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Hawaii hotspot/archive1

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The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by SandyGeorgia 07:18, 6 July 2009 [1].

Hawaii hotspot edit

Nominator(s): ErgoSum•talk•trib 06:06, 22 June 2009 (UTC), ResMar 06:06, 22 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
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I am nominating this for featured article because the article has undergone a major improvement within the past month or two. I have been working with ResMar to improve the references, images, and prose. I've done all I can for it, a Peer Review was recently completed and now I think its ready. ErgoSum•talk•trib 06:06, 22 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Wow, epic fail. 4 days and no comments. :( ResMar 19:11, 26 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
They will come. If we review other noms and ask them to review ours perhaps we can get some action going. --ErgoSum•talk•trib 20:16, 26 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Oppose - mainly because of problems with the prose. *Could the nominators justify the excessive use of quotation marks as in "hotspots", "hotspot", "mid-plate", "Big Island", "Hawaiian", "bump", "established", "evidence", "leaky", "plume head", "trail", "crack and magma", "leak", "great fissure", "attached", "shell", "saddles", "lava trees", "runny", "battle", and "blessing"?

    • Would you like me to remove all or just some of them? Some of them are probably unnecessary, but ones such as "great fissure", "plume head", "crack and magma" should probably stay as they are direct quotes and are not necessarily commonly used terms. But it wouldn't bother me to delete them all. --ErgoSum•talk•trib 17:19, 27 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    • I have removed the ones I think were unnecessary. --ErgoSum•talk•trib 18:18, 28 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]

*Here, "The Hawaii hotspot is one of the best known and most heavily studied" - the sources do not seem to say this.

    • Number 2, 5th paragraph- "Hawaii is perhaps the best known hotspot". #3, 1st paragraph- "Perhaps the best-known [hotspot] is located beneath the active volcanoes of Hawaii". New source added $4, "Hawaii's hot-spot volcanoes are the most studied in the world" --ErgoSum•talk•trib 17:19, 27 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Most volcanic activity occurs along some type of tectonic plate boundary" - some type?
    • Volcanoes occur around mostly subduction zones, but that doesn't exclude other boundaries, so I thought it was best to be nonspecific. --ErgoSum•talk•trib 17:19, 27 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]

*"A bend in the chain at 41 and 43 million years ago sharply divides the Hawaiian and Emperor sections" -which formed?

    • Previous sentence states "The volcanoes of the chain range in age from 20 years to 82 million years, progressing steadily in age from southeast to northwest, and most of them are in an advanced state of deterioration. A bend..." --ErgoSum•talk•trib 17:19, 27 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]

*"where volcanic activity is to be expected" - how about often occurs?

*"But theorized "hotspots" can occur far from any boundary" - theorized?

*This is cumbersome "At this speed, the Kure and Midway atolls have been traced to where the present island of Hawaii is now about 30 million years ago."

*"is dated to 82 million years" B.C? A.D, old?

*"Alternate" - should be "alternative".

*Here, "The Hawaii hotspot is unique, considering the vast majority of earthquakes and volcanic eruptions occur near plate boundaries, but the Hawaiian Islands are an exception, as the nearest plate boundary is more than 3,200 kilometers (1,988 mi) away." - I challenge the use of "unique" since we have have "vast majority" and not "all others".

*In this confusing sentence, "The direction, distance between, and size of the chain and its volcanoes presumably indicate the direction and speed of movement of the Pacific Plate, and records the history of plate movement." should "records" be " record"?

    • Changed and re-worded entire sentence, you are right it was pretty confusing. --ErgoSum•talk•trib 17:19, 27 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]

*"came up with" - is lazy writing.

    • I didn't write it, but I changed it "proposed". --ErgoSum•talk•trib 17:19, 27 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]

*"in order to" - spot the redundancy?

*"The theory claimed" - I am not sure a theory can claim anything.

*More redundancy here, " At a point roughly 40–50 million years ago"

  • "This seeming coincidence may indicate that the lithosphere acts as a lid on melting by arresting the ascent of the magma." - a lid?

*"Pele's seaweed are sheets of brownish volcanic glass which form when pāhoehoe lava pours into the ocean." - which or that? If we want to retain "which" it needs a preceding comma.

*More redundancy here, "its rate of eruption gradually increases over a period of several hundred thousand years".

*"The lava produced is pressurized by the sea, disallowing explosive eruptions" - I am not sure "disallowing" is the right word.

*"For that reason, the typical type of lava is pillow lava, typical of underwater volcanic activity." _ typical....typical

These are just a few examples, I do not think the article is of FA standard yet. Graham Colm Talk 16:16, 27 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]

The article is much improved. I have made a few more edits today, mainly to tackle redundancy and issues with the grammar. My remaining major concern is the very long bulleted list under the Challenges section; it is too long, spoils the flow and would be better as prose. The article still requires an image review and have all of Ealdgyth's comments on the sources been addressed? PS. I think you might attract more comments if you made your signature less garish. Graham Colm Talk 18:11, 7 July 2009 (UTC)[reply]
I wouldn't consider the list that long, but thats fine. Change it if necessary. I have responded to all of Ealdgyth's comments, but I have not received a response. Is this color better? :) --ErgoSum•talk•trib 18:54, 7 July 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Otherwise, sources look okay, links checked out with the link checker tool. Ealdgyth - Talk 14:28, 29 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Support an important topic and good overview. I fixed one nit, and would suggest putting the Mythology section before the History but I just like things in chronological order. Then perhaps tied together with a mention at the start of the history section about early explorers and missionaries who recorded their experiences. Maybe one of the following:

  • Archibald Menzies (1920). William Frederick Wilson (ed.). Hawaii Nei 128 Years Ago: Journal of Archibald Menzies, kept during his three visits to the Sandwich or Hawaiian Islands in the years 1792-1794. p. 197. Retrieved 2009-7-4. {{cite book}}: Check date values in: |accessdate= (help)

Also might mention Mahukona, a small submerged volcano off the coast of the Big Island, and perhaps Mokuaweoweo which I am going to split off from Mauna Loa, since the summit has a history of its own vs. the rift zone eruptions, but those might be too detailed. W Nowicki (talk) 20:20, 4 July 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the info, I will read over these and see if there is any useful info, although I'm not sure if these would be relevant to the hotspot itself, they seem like something more suited for the Hawaii article. I also thought the "mythology" section should be first, but ResMar disagreed and we compromised by putting it last (previously it was located second to last). So I was waiting to see what others thought about it. --ErgoSum•talk•trib 19:07, 5 July 2009 (UTC)[reply]
The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
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