Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Halo Wars 2/archive1

The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was archived by Laser brain via FACBot (talk) 17:55, 8 November 2018 [1].

Halo Wars 2 edit

Nominator(s): The1337gamer (talk) 14:00, 7 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

This article is about Halo Wars 2, a military science faction RTS video game, part of the Halo franchise. I created the article and rewrote it entirely following the game's release last year to get it to GA-status. Recently David Fuchs suggested that it was in a good place to improve for FAC. After working on it some more, I would like to nominate it for FA-status. --The1337gamer (talk) 14:00, 7 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Tony1 edit

1a: not bad, but needs work. Comma usage, redundant wording, etc.

"On the Ark, the UNSC crew encounters a mercenary alien faction known as the Banished and a war ensues." Comma after "the Banished" would help the reader to apprehend the sequence of events.
Opposite issue, in a way: "In Halo Wars 2, players construct a base of operations, accumulate resources to deploy infantry and vehicle units, and then command their armies from a bird's-eye view of the battlefield." The sequencing is obvious; can we do without "then"?
The listing technique here suggests there are three equal components. But I think you intend the first to be primary, from which the next two are causal spinoffs: "This led them to set the game 28 years after the events of the original Halo Wars to fit it in with the current timeline of series' main story arc, and to set the game on a familiar location featured previously in the series." To to to is the problem. So ... "... Wars, fitting it in with ... , and setting the game ..."? "synchroniz/sing" might be better for the first one.
Unnecessary Latinism, and awkard ellipsis of "was": "and was showcased at a number of video gaming conventions ~~prior to~~ before release"
There are 61 occurrences of "that". Can you get rid of, say, a third? Like this one: "Two open betas ran during the final year of the game's production so that the development team could make". Use the finder box.
"Reviewers found the game to be very approachable to beginners but felt that it was in need of more strategic depth to gain popularity amongst experienced RTS players."—dump three words and dump one word, and add a comma. AmongST?
"Several nuisances present in the game's keyboard and mouse controls left some critics disappointed."—dump one word. "However, enhancements made to the gamepad control scheme from the first Halo Wars were praised." -> "... disappointed; but ...". Then dump yet another word.
"The game was supported with additional content and updates such as support for cross-platform play and a campaign expansion, Awakening the Nightmare." So is the "such as" additional content or updates? Comma needed after the appropriate item.

That's just the lead. The rest needs going through by you and your collaborators. Tony (talk) 07:54, 10 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

@Tony1: Thanks for the feedback. I think I've addressed these issues. I've done copyedit on the whole article. Tried to remove a lot of the the repetitive language and unnecessary wording. Hopefully it reads better now. --The1337gamer (talk) 17:05, 13 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Coordinator comment - This has been open for a solid month without any declaration of support for promotion, and doesn't seem to be heading in the right direction at present. Therefore, I will be archiving it shortly and it may be re-nominated after the customary two-week waiting period. In the mean time, please action feedback as appropriate. --Laser brain (talk) 17:55, 8 November 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Closing note: This candidate has been archived, but there may be a delay in bot processing of the close. Please see WP:FAC/ar, and leave the {{featured article candidates}} template in place on the talk page until the bot goes through. --Laser brain (talk) 17:55, 8 November 2018 (UTC)[reply]

The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.