Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Belarusian Republican Youth Union/Attempt 2

Belarusian Republican Youth Union edit

Self-renom, again.

The last two times this has been around, people complained it is too new and it needs to grow moss. Well, I waited over two weeks and no one has touched the page. So I am going to assume it has enough moss on it. Plus, the last time I checked WP:WIAFA, there is 'no time limit for articles having to be on Wikipedia before nomination to FAC. The only time limit for articles I even saw was for WP:DYK. Please judge the article on it's merits, not it's length of time. Zscout370 (Sound Off) 23:01, 2 September 2005 (UTC)[reply]

Object. For the following reasons:

You install equipment or machinery, you instill values.
"closely similar" is a tautology.
"The organization is also called the Belarusian Republic Youth Union" is obvious because the article starts with "The Belarusian Republican Youth Union...is a youth group organized in the Eastern European country of Belarus".
- Comment, notice the difference between Belarusian Republican Youth Union and Belarusian Republic Youth Union. -- Elisson • Talk 00:54, 3 September 2005 (UTC)[reply]
The group's acronym should be mentioned before it is used in prose.
"moral values" is an unnecessary red link maybe you could link it to "morality".
The verb "allowed" in "Lukashenko allowed BRSM" is probably not the best choice.
"In order to join the BRSM, a young person between the ages of 14 and 16 must have written permission from their parents or legal guardian and must submit a photo." needs to be revised. Firstly, a person between the ages of 14 and 16 is young by definition. The "In order" is also redundant.
"A person must also pay a fee of 1,400 rubles (0.65 USD) [4], which is a one time fee." instead try "A person must also pay a one-time fee of 1,400 rubles (0.65 USD). [4]".
"However, if a person choose to remain a member," is grammatically incorrect.
The "is" is redundant in "and is adjusted".
"structure, membership" needs a conjunction for example "structure, though membership"

I did not complete the article but please consider removing it from featured article candidates, focusing on the prose and resubmitting it later. You can also request help through Peer Review. Cedars 00:41, 3 September 2005 (UTC)[reply]

While I have gone through and fixed everyone of Elissons objection, I am in the middle of doing yours. As for asking me to remove this from FAC, no, I will not. Peer review is rarely helpful to me. Zscout370 (Sound Off) 02:36, 3 September 2005 (UTC)[reply]
- I am done with my grammar check, but I am going to run a spell check now. Zscout370 (Sound Off) 02:56, 3 September 2005 (UTC)[reply]
  - Unfortunately the objection still stands. The second sentence of the article reads "the goals of the BRSM is promoting patriotism and instill moral values", the noun "goals" is plural and as such "is" should be "are". You might also like to use "to promote patriotism" and "to instill moral values". Cedars 09:52, 3 September 2005 (UTC)[reply]

Comment: While being interesting, and full of information, it don't 'flow' as well as it ought to in my opinion. Perhaps you could get a one or two editors who speak nativly english to look over it and tweek it? WegianWarrior 07:34, 3 September 2005 (UTC)[reply]

I guess my English is not that great, though I have been speaking it since day one. Well, I am going to see if folks on IRC can look at it. Zscout370 (Sound Off) 07:38, 3 September 2005 (UTC)[reply]