Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Aston Martin Rapide/archive1

Aston Martin Rapide edit

Featured article candidates/Aston Martin Rapide/archive1

Nominator(s): 750h+ | Talk 14:14, 26 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]

This comprehensive (but very short, at 1600 words) article explores what could arguably be considered the most beautiful four-door car in the early twenty-first century, the Aston Martin Rapide. It marks my second FAC, following the submission of the Aston Martin DB9 page (awaiting promotion, but imminent). I appreciate the comments on the DB9 article I got and appreciate any comments you may have on this article as well! 750h+ | Talk 14:14, 26 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Llewee edit

Hello 750h+, I hope these comments are helpful.--Llewee (talk) 19:40, 28 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]

I think overall the article might benefit from a bit more context. As someone who is admittedly quite ignorant about this subject I felt a certain degree of prior knowledge was assumed. Maybe add a background section explaining what a saloon car is and briefly discussing the car's predecessors.

done

750h+, This is a good start but I think the introduction still assumes too high a degree of prior knowledge. Could you include an explanation of what an executive saloon car is?--Llewee (talk) 22:13, 30 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]

I think that because they’re linked that it shouldn’t be necessary. FAs like Kwinana Freeway don't define what a freeway is, they simply provide a link. In the Ceres (dwarf planet) article, it doesn't explain the concept of a dwarf planet directly but rather links to another page for that explanation. 750 h+ 23:34, 30 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Ok that's fine, I'm not hugely familiar with what's expected in this corner of the site.

"where the other VH platform cars—comprising the DB9, the DBS, the Vantage and the second-generation Vanquish—are produced" - This information isn't mentioned in the body of the article of the article and seems a bit excessive for the lead.

done. I don't think it's excessive for the lead, as they're all platform siblings. I've mentioned in the body of the article.

"Following a £1.6 million funding from the Regional Growth Fund (RGF), in 2012 Aston Martin shifted production of the Rapide to Gaydon, a village in Warwickshire." - I think you need to add an additional word, "package" or something similar, after "funding". Also could clarify how this worked, were they given the money in exchange for moving to Warwickshire?

done

I would suggest taking out the text after "with the goal of..." as its the kind of fluffy language journalists copy from government press releases. A clearer way of wording the rest of the first part of the sentence might be "The funding was part of an agreement between the UK government and private industry to invest £200m in the economy."--Llewee (talk) 22:45, 30 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Done. What do you think now? 750 h+ 23:35, 30 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]

I think you misunderstood what I meant. I think it would be a good idea to delete the current sentence and replace it with - "The funding was part of an agreement between the UK government and private industry to invest £200m in the economy."--Llewee (talk) 21:51, 1 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]

done. now........? 750 h+ 01:20, 2 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Yes, that's great.--Llewee (talk) 23:09, 4 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]

"Its rear greenhouse slopes and narrows towards the back and over the rear haunches to improve its sporty aesthetic." - I think "improve" sounds a bit non-neutral, maybe change to "emphasise" or "increase"?

done

@Llewee: i've addressed these. thoughts now? 750 h+ 11:52, 29 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Friendly ping edit

@Llewee: would you be feeling inclined to express whether you support or oppose the nomination? 750 h+ 06:00, 5 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Femke edit

Thanks for writing the article. Overall, it's well-written. I see my taste on what makes a pretty car deviates quite a lot from those professional critics.

The first thing I look for in any car article is the fuel efficiency. The efficiency is mentioned, but not put into context (it's quite bad, right?)

done

I agree with the above that the article is a bit difficult to understand for the non-initiated: a few words I couldn't understand from context are the platform, greenhouse, wings. Can you improve the context so it can be better understood. If that doesn't work, gloss?

so i've explained the first one in a note. I changed "greenhouse" to "rear window" for better understanding. "wings" are also explained in a note

Note 1 says Aston Martin has produced numerous four-door cars, whereas later in the text it says "Aston Martin has made two four-door cars over its lifetime". Is this contradictory?

fixed

Regional Growth Fund (RGF) --> RGF is introduced as abbreviation, but never used. Please omit.

done

I don't think "Austin, Mike (9 February 2010).. " is being cited. Lights up in my harv error script.

it was an absolutely horrible idea of mine to put every reference in a bibliography. i've fixed that

"Before assuming his position as the lead designer, Reichman studied the characteristics of Aston Martin's cars and preliminarily made numerous sketches for a four-door concept." --> the word preliminarily here is unnecessary I think; best avoided as a difficult word.

done

The first paragraph of Design and technology has some slight overcitations. An overabudance of citations can break the flow for readers. So avoid more than 1/2 cites for non-controversial statements.

fixed

Was it ever revealed why the EV was not put into production?

added

Is there a reason we use Bez' honorific? Should usually be avoided per MOS:DOC unless it's really relevant for context that they have this qualification.

removed

—Femke 🐦 (talk) 19:44, 4 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Oh Femke! I didn't expect to see you here! I take high inspiration from the Sustainable energy article you produced! I'll address your comments shortly. 750 h+ 02:23, 5 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Hi @Femke: I've addressed your concerns. do you think I've addressed them well, or have I forgotten anything? 750 h+ 05:59, 5 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Brilliant. I think that the description of why it was axed doesn't align perfectly with the sources (which focus a bit more on the company wanting to focus more on the launch of DBX). At that point of time, most platforms would not have been adjusted to EVs, but other companies did bring EVs in production. You may also want to add the design had become something of a "research project". —Femke 🐦 (talk) 07:11, 5 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]

@Femke: altered the sentence. thoughts now? 750 h+ 08:24, 5 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Better. In terms of prose, "had reportedly" indicates that it's uncertain. Should this be moved further into the sentence (so that it refers not to the cancellation, but to the reason for the cancellation?). —Femke 🐦 (talk) 09:10, 5 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]

done 750 h+ 10:02, 5 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]

@Femke: apologies for the ping, but do you have any more comments? 750 h+ 13:09, 10 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]

What makes de Paula, Matthew reliable? It's a Forbes contributor piece (rather than staff). —Femke 🐦 (talk) 09:12, 5 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]
@Femke: Replaced it with a Los Angeles Times source. 750 h+ 09:57, 5 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Pseud 14 edit

Placeholder. Will take a look soon. Pseud 14 (talk) 02:31, 9 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks Pseud :)). 750 h+ 03:08, 9 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]