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Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Alan Kulwicki/archive1

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The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by User:SandyGeorgia 03:35, 30 May 2008 [1].

Alan Kulwicki

edit

Self-nomination. I'm nominating the first NASCAR-related article for Featured Status. It has been peer reviewed by several dozen people. The article recently had its referencing signficantly improved to rely on much more reliable and well-known sources. Royalbroil 02:58, 15 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

  • Comments. At a quick glance (not having looked at prose at all), I notice some potential problems. The lede should be at least two full paragraphs, and given the length perhaps it should be three. The last three paragraphs of prose are stubby sections. Can any be expanded or merged with others? The paragraphs in 1992 NASCAR Winston Cup championship section are all very long; could any be logically split up? Better non-breaking spacing is needed; it should be Top 10, not Top 10 (see edit window). Every time a number is followed by a word, it should be a non-breaking space. ♬♩ Hurricanehink (talk) 03:09, 15 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Non-breakable spaces added. I spent a very large amount of time trying to expand the article and there isn't any more content for any of those 3 sections. He received only so many awards and honors, and a single movie and a planned book. I don't see any good places to put the "lasting impact" section but I'm open to suggestions. The lead has been expanded to three paragraphs. Royalbroil 03:54, 15 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Couldn't the Career honors and awards section be merged with the lasting impact section? Also, in the memorial section, I'd like a source at the end of the third paragraph. ♬♩ Hurricanehink (talk) 15:48, 15 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
The merge sounds good. I do see a relation between the sections, but I've having trouble with coming up with a concise name. Any suggestions? Royalbroil 13:00, 16 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
I expected to not be challenged for a source for that third paragraph, or to be able to easily find a RS. I can't find one. Apparently the county and city don't advertise the trophy room at all. I took the pictures of the trophies in that room. Please AGF that I didn't deliberately try to break the OR policy. I think that's the only sentences in the entire article without a citation to some type of reference. Do you want the text removed? It has very little controversy. Royalbroil 13:00, 16 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Sorry, I forgot about this FAC. The merged section title could be lasting impact, or something fancier like legacy. Also, about that statement, I think it should be removed if no source can be found. If this was for a GA review, I wouldn't mind so much, but for FA status, I would rather be safe than sorry; if a source can be found later, than it can always be re-added. ♬♩ Hurricanehink (talk) 03:08, 20 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
I found an article from Hooters while looking for a source about the Brooks Pavilion. It describes their founder's donation for the park plus a Kulwicki museum! Royalbroil 04:18, 20 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks a lot! I felt like a real bad guy mentioning that, but that link works. ♬♩ Hurricanehink (talk) 04:26, 20 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments

Other sources look good. Links checked out fine. Ealdgyth - Talk 03:37, 15 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Removed the additional reading link. Is it permissible to use the content from the Orlando Sentinel article and others without linking to this aol website? The frontstretch article was written by Matt McLaughlin bio, who has written the book "Eights and Aces" (google books). More comments to follow. Royalbroil 04:45, 15 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
If you can physically access the various articles and have read them yourself (not just on the aol page), yes, it is perfectly all right to source things to newspaper articles or magazine articles that are not on the web. You need to give full bibliographical information for them, so for a newspaper that would be author, title, newspaper, date of publication. Same for the magazines, author, title, magazine, and date of publication. The reason I said if you have actually read the articles, is because part of the whole RS and V policies for WP is that the editors don't put in information from sources they haven't actually seen themselves. Ealdgyth - Talk 12:40, 15 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
The Milwaukee ASA results at ultimateracinghistory.com were taken from Steve Zautke [2]. Zautke's business card [3] says that's he is associated with the Wisconsin Auto Racing Historical Society and that he's a writer. He's a press agent for the Milwaukee Mile [4]. USAC results are extremely hard to find as the series fell out of favor in the early 1980s. The reference only cites the year that Kulwicki started racing in USAC and ASA, which should be non-controversial, so no reference should be needed. Royalbroil 05:08, 15 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
All information from InsiderRacingNews, FrontStretch, RacingReference, and RacingWisconsin websites have been edited to a less specific version found on a different reliable source or have been removed altogether. It's painfully slow work. I'm still working on addressing the http://members.aol.com/nclubnews pages. Royalbroil 02:45, 20 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comment - There are too many links in the citations which repeat each other. For example, NASCAR is linked at least a dozen times in the citations. Same goes for Wisconsin International Raceway, and SPEED Channel. You only need to make a link on the first occurrence of each publisher name. — Wackymacs (talk ~ edits) 07:34, 15 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Removed the overlinking from the citations. Royalbroil 12:10, 15 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Issues resolved. - Giants2008 (talk) 02:31, 28 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments - I see some rough edges at the start, but the article seems to get better as it goes along. Here are some things to get you started.

  • I see inconsistent uses of race car and racecar.
  • "He began racing at local short tracks in Wisconsin before racing in regional stock car event." Some grammar problems here that need fixing. I would change the latter half of this to "before competing in a regional stock car series", dropping "a" if the ASA and USAC are different.
  • In the lead, add a link to 1992 in NASCAR. This is important considering that he was the champion that year.
  • "and he has been inducted into the numerous halls of fame." Confusing for a non-racing fan. Change to "and he has been inducted into numerous racing halls of fame."
  • Third paragraph: A couple issues with first sentence. Change the colon to a semi-colon. This is also a very long sentence. Try to break it up.
  • Background: "She died when Kulwicki was in the seventh grade." Is this her mother or grandmother? If it was the latter, combine this with the previous sentence.
  • Comma after "physics of a race car".
  • Flip "professional full-time".
  • "Kulwicki was a devout lifelong Roman Catholic". Try this: "Kulwicki was a devout Roman Catholic his entire life".
  • Winston Cup career, 1980s: Change wish to wished. Giants2008 (talk) 22:39, 15 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
The lead had just been greatly expanded from this FAC, so it probably needs some polishing. These are all great corrections.
I'll be on vacation or out for most of the next 3 days, so I won't replying much. I'll address more on the above issues after I get back. Royalbroil 13:00, 16 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
I believe that I have addressed all of your issues. Royalbroil 12:09, 17 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Oppose - Sorry, but after a second look I must concur with Laser brain below. My main concern is 1a, as I am finding a lot of stubby sentences. In addition, here are some other issues.
  • Still in 1980s: "sixteenth place" one space too many.
  • "race in a few Winston Cup races". Two races close together. Change the latter to events.
  • "two drivers had passed him in the last turn in a qualifying race causing him to not qualify for the race (since his qualifying speed was too slow)." The qualifying race and qualifying speed part is incredibly confusing. A little more about the 7-Eleven Twins would be very helpful.
  • While I'm on the topic, this whole paragraph is a mess. Why is the fact that he was interviewed on television important? There is not nearly enough indication of the Daytona 500's status as the most important NASCAR race of a given year.
  • "Kulwicki left Terry's team during in the 1986 season."
  • "and because he was hands-on in the maintenance of the car to the point of being a control freak." It reads like he only had one car. Change to "his cars".
  • "working long hours under a very limited budget." Needs and before it, to work with the previous text.
  • Consistency issue: It says that Kulwicki was his own crew chief, but later in the same paragraph it says that Paul Andrews was the crew chief. What's up with that?
  • When you mention a race, the track hosting the event is linked. Wouldn't it be a good idea to link to the race itself whenever possible? The Daytona 500 is already handled like this, so why not the rest of them?
  • "and the team suffered nine Did Not Finish results" It's safe to change this to DNFs.
  • Hyphen for "sixteen race".
  • "The team had a new building built during the season." Building and built are odd together. Constructed, perhaps? Giants2008 (talk) 03:07, 21 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Why do you want me to eliminate all of the short sentences? The content in the sentences were written to be full as possible without using OR or information from "less than extremely reliable" sources. I already dislike how almost all of the sentences in the article are extremely long and complicated. There needs to be variability to the length of sentences. MS Word already assesses this article as upper high school reading level. You're going to have to come up with specific examples of other problems because I can't see it. I am restricted to using only very reliable sources.
Here are a few examples of what I'm talking about.
  • Early racing career: "Kulwicki began his racing career as a 13-year-old kart racer. His father built engines for Norm Nelson and Roger McCluskey's United States Automobile Club (USAC) racecars. His father's work involved travel; he was unable to help Kulwicki at most kart races. Kulwicki's resourcefulness was often tested trying to get his kart to the track. When Kulwicki would ask his father for advice, he would end up doing most of the work himself." I have no problem at all with short sentences, but a bunch of them in a row creates bad flow for the reader. The trick is to not create run-on sentences either. It's a difficult balancing act. "His father's work involved travel" to races I assume? This can be reworded to use a comma instead of a semi-colon. You can end with "he was encouraged to do most of the work himself.
  • Another good example. "He finished second in the race. Later that year, he finished seventh at Charlotte and fifth at Bristol. In 1985, Kulwicki had a sixteenth place unfixed; don't need a space before a non-breaker) finish in the season-opening Busch Series race at Daytona. He won the pole position at that year's event in Milwaukee; he finished fourteenth with engine problems." Not as bad, but again a lot of shorter sentences in a row. See if you can combine the second-place finish with the previous sentence. For the last part, try "Milwaukee, but finished fourteenth with engine problems."
  • "Kulwicki won his first NASCAR Winston Cup race in the season's second-to-last race at Phoenix International Raceway. Leader Ricky Rudd's car had motor problems late in the race. Kulwicki led 41 laps and won by 18.5 seconds." It feels like this could be cut to two sentences by combining some of it.
  • "and averaged a 15.4 finish position. He finished below 30th place only once." Try "position, placing below", which avoids a redundancy. Giants2008 (talk) 17:54, 22 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Sorry, I missed this section. I addressed all of these concerns. Royalbroil 13:33, 26 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Race/races was reworded. I removed the entire paragraph on the television interview/qualifying race because its source wasn't considered reliable enough. Reformulated the sentence on "working long hours" which addressed several points. Added specific race links as appropriate. Changed to DNF. Updated all cases like "sixteen race". Changed building to workshop. Royalbroil 14:15, 21 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Is this all the information that can be found about his plane crash? I imagine this was a big story at the time.
  • One-sentence paragraph in Championship honors. How did he do in the IROC races?
  • Last paragraph of Legacy: I would move "their own teams" up a sentence and change this, which sounds negative towards the drivers: "and they gave up on their own teams". Giants2008 (talk) 17:54, 22 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
The crash itself wasn't a big story compared to memorials to the reigning champion dying. Who, what, when, where, why, and how are all answered here or in a later section. I expanded the IROC sentences and moved it. I removed the poorly worded "gave up on their own teams" phrase. I think that I have addressed all of your concerns. Royalbroil 05:23, 26 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comments - perhaps more later.
    • The "no free image" placeholder is really unsightly.. please just remove it if you don't have an image.
    • Why is there just a line where the infobox reads "Achievements"? He achieved nothing?
    • The lead seems disjointed.. many small sentences and not much flow. It is chronological but that's about all that can be said. It's definitely not compelling.
    • "He worked for two years as an engineer after graduation, and his knowledge of engineering helped him better understand the physics of a racecar, which is often believed to have contributed to his success." This is oddly-worded, reading like "racecar" is what is believed to have contributed to his success.
    • "He first raced on local racetracks as a hobby while in college before becoming a full-time professional racer in 1980." Is "racer" the correct term?
    • "Kulwicki was a devout Roman Catholic his entire life; he showed his faith by racing with a Saint Christopher devotional medal in his racecar." Your source doesn't really back up this sentence. It just says he was Catholic, not that he was "devout", and it says that he had the medal in his car but not that he "showed his faith".
    • "Father Dale Grubba, the priest who had presided over Kulwicki's funeral, is writing an unnamed biography for his friend Kulwicki. The book was used to help write a feature film." Recentism. Is it still being written? How was the book used if it's not written? --Laser brain (talk) 22:44, 19 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
I agree that the "no free image" is ugly and unprofessional, so I removed it. A WikiProject NASCAR contributor added the "Achievements" field yesterday to the infobox. I propagated the field for Kulwicki. I worked on the lead paragraphs. Good point on the engineering sentence - I changed it to two sentences and reworded it. "Racer" is a common term for a person who races. Many almost-reliable sources that had referenced this sentence said those words. I toned it back to read close to what this reference says. Father Grubba is still working on the book. The Milwaukee Journal Sentinel reference article used in the section is true.[5] It says that "Grubba...shared a soon-to-be-published Kulwicki biography with Orgas to help him flesh out the story". I emailed and telephoned Father Grubba in (around) January 2008 and asked if he would be willing to license a picture of his friend Kulwicki for Wikipedia. He said that the book is scheduled to be release in the second half of this year and that he would watch for a picture. He was just starting to work on the pictures at that time. I hope that I have addressed all of your issues. Royalbroil 00:41, 20 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
I still don't get the different between the Achievements and the Awards in the infobox. What you listed under Achievements could be Awards too, right? Also, on the Father Grubba thing, to remedy the recentism you really need a qualifier like, "As of such-and-such date, Father Dale Grubba..." --Laser brain (talk) 05:25, 20 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
I updated the awards vs. achievements fields in the infobox from this discussion. I added the effective date of the last mention of the upcoming book from a reliable source. The book's name is now listed on Grubba's website. Royalbroil 12:55, 21 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Further comment: I didn't get to dig into the Racing Career heading until just now. I approached it cautiously because the last racing FAC I read had racing jargon. This one has it too (ex. "... Harry Gant won the race on fuel mileage.") and that's not good for a general audience. Can you get a non-racing editor to read through for jargon? --Laser brain (talk) 05:30, 20 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
I had about five non-racing people (some on-wiki and some off-wiki) review the article, including a review by a non-racing fan League of Copyrighters editor. Please dig into it, I have been expecting comments in this area. Royalbroil 20:34, 20 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
No, I'm saying I did dig into it and found "won the race on fuel mileage". I don't know what that means. --Laser brain (talk) 20:41, 20 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
I'm sorry, I thought that you meant that there were many glaring issues not just one. That sentence had been recently added. I reviewed the source and did some research into the race. He actually finished third beyind Gant and another driver won. I am convinced that the sentence doesn't belong, so I deleted it. Royalbroil 02:26, 21 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Quick comments I havn't read the whole thing yet, but at first glance, shouldn't his nicknames be in bold? Juliancolton Tropical Cyclone 16:28, 20 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Why bold them? They are not his common name or stage name. They are nicknames. "The Great One" is not bolded for Wayne Gretzky and "The Professor" is not bolded for Alain Prost. Royalbroil 20:34, 20 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comments. Looks OK.
  • Why is "American" linked?
  • Why H for haemophilia?
  • "His father's work involved travel; he was unable to help Kulwicki at most kart races."—Bit stubby; is there a causal relationship between these two clauses?
  • Milwaukee Mile ref. site: produced by web180.com? Should your ref say that? TONY (talk) 11:38, 25 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Why shouldn't his country be wikilinked? The capital "H" was removed and the term was changed to the U.S. spelling. Thanks for pointing out the need for the causal relationship - I reworded to show the relationship. I searched the editable text and printed text, and found no mention of web180.com. Which reference are you referring to? Royalbroil 05:23, 26 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
I see what you mean about web180. What's the difference if the Milwaukee Mile hires a professional company to develop (computer programing) and produce their web pages? Many large companies hire specialized consultants to do that work. It's still the Milwaukee Mile's official website and the racetrack controls the content. Royalbroil 03:48, 27 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

I struck my oppose above. If Tony says it looks OK, then it's good enough for me. However, I'm not fully comfortable supporting yet, since I haven't looked at all of it yet. I'll continue my series of nit-picks right now.

  • 1986: Hyphen for one man?
  • 1990s: Hyphen for two car?
  • "Kulwicki was approached by Hooters for a one-race sponsorship deal for Atlanta Motor Speedway at the fourth race." Flip the Speedway and race parts.
  • "Kulwicki had qualified on the pole position for the upcoming racing with the fastest qualifying lap." This sentence needs major revamping.

Real life is calling, so that's all for now. I'll be back soon. Giants2008 (talk) 22:05, 26 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

I have addressed all of these issues. They all make sense. I removed the "with the fastest qualifying lap" phrase. I thought it was good to reinforce the concept with the reader, but not if it's confusing. I look forward to your other improvements. Royalbroil 03:15, 27 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Okay, I'm finally back. What I want for the last issue above is "upcoming race". Racing is not grammatically correct.
  • 1992 NASCAR Winston Cup championship: "season championship during the season" is redundant. Find a different term for one season.
  • Hyphen for 278 point? Another occurance later.
  • "was probably his undoing". Change the tense to "would probably be his undoing".
  • "second last race". I believe you mean "second-to-last race".
  • "During his first pit stop" Make clear that this is Kulwicki.
  • To avoid a redundancy, change to "he would be guaranteed to lead the most laps and gain five bonus points." The five bonus points are also mentioned two sentences later.
  • "gas and go" is racing jargon. It should be simple enough to state that they only wanted to fill the gas tank.
  • "as the team's fuel man hurried to add the fuel" Redundant again. Try gasoline. A couple more fuels shortly afterward, by the way.
  • Typo: econd.
  • Death: It's not common to state the day of the week when using a date.
I was close to unstriking my oppose, but decided to give the article a chance. The errors I'm seeing here concern me, but I'm sure you can handle them. I also suggest that you find someone to look at the article, and perhaps provide a copy-edit. Best of luck. Giants2008 (talk) 01:56, 28 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
I have addressed all of your comments. I know it is uncommon to state the day of the week along with the date, but the day of the week is importance in racing since most races happen on Sunday. It's there for the racing fans, not the non-fans. The article has had a large number of peer reviews, probably around 15, including a review by someone in the league of copyeditors. Some of these problems have come from the major changes resulting from User:Ealdgyth's review of the references. I'll try to get a few more people to copyedit/review the article after I finish up the few "unreliable" sources left. Royalbroil 03:52, 28 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
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