User talk:Yonna95/Disability art
Hi Yonna,
I like your topic, I think it is appealing and link our class with art, thinking about what we can do with art. The outline that you have written is clear. I am sure you will add more sources and fill out the outline in the next stage, and the citation also important for this project.
Comments for Article
editI enjoyed your topic and I think you’re off to a really good start. One suggestion I have is to be careful with comma use. There were a couple times commas seemed to be overused or a singular comma was not needed. Under “Disability Art”, all three sentences begin with “disability art”. While I don’t think this is a major issue, I think beginning the sentences differently will allow for enhanced flow. Starting all the sentences the same way sounds a little bit like a bullet list. I think the “Themes” section sounds good so far. It has a natural flow of ideas; one sentence leads to the next and it was very descriptive while being concise. I think it could use some grammatical restructuring in each sentence, but nothing too major. The list of disabled artists I really enjoyed reading and I think it’s very good that you added a link to view more artists in the section’s wrap up sentence. The last section has a few grammatical errors to correct, but again, overall, I think this piece is off to a really good start. I think the information provided is concise, useful, and interesting. Marinarasauce21 (talk) 03:19, 5 April 2020 (UTC)
Thank you Marinarasauce21
editThank you Marinarasauce21 for reading and evaluating my article. I'm glad you did because at the time I was unsure about how what I added fits in with the original article. I can make some changes tomorrow and hopefully it will read well together overall. As I posted the picture of artists, do you think it matters where I particularly put the images of disability art or should they be positioned by what is disability art. I feel as though when updating an article I should make it as simple and easy to read. Yonna95 (talk) 02:16, 6 April 2020 (UTC)