User talk:Tinkermen/Sandbox

What to do next?

This First ruff draft is as close as I can get it to the reference sources I was able to find for Michele Weiner-Davis. Now I just need some input from other editors on what to do with it next to make it correct as an article. I'm currently cleaning up the reference sources at the bottom right now 51 thru 61 are completed. Any input is welcomed. Thanks John Francis

• One thing is is replace all references to Michele with Weiner-Davis. You should refer to her surname, not her given name. LadyofShalott 21:45, 11 December 2009 (UTC)
• Book titles should be italicized, and not bolded or have quotation marks around them. LadyofShalott 21:47, 11 December 2009 (UTC)
• Titles of television programs should also be italicized. LadyofShalott 21:50, 11 December 2009 (UTC)
• It would be better to break the article up into sections such as Books, Television appearances, Awards, etc. (I saw your note asking CoM for help... hope you don't mind my jumping in with comments.) LadyofShalott 21:57, 11 December 2009 (UTC)
• A criticisms section would be useful. LadyofShalott 22:04, 11 December 2009 (UTC)

M.W.D. would look something like this then?

• Intro M.W.D. (small part about personal life)?
• Career (therapist-marital support website Divorcebusting.com-marriage-education seminars)
• Books like I've described them already(Is it ever done like this)? or (Bibliography with out any discriptions)
• Television appearances (Do I make any discriptions of the appearances)
• Newspaper and magazine interviews/articles? (Do I include these and do I make any discriptions of the articles/interviews)
• Awards

I know Bio's are like this format your speaking of (I've never seen one written like I did this one) but I wasn't able to write the draft that way, I needed to make sense of it all and tell a story first I guess. Now maybe I can re-a-range it like that. Long way to go still on this it looks like. lol Thanks John Francis

Sounds like a good working plan. A personal life section is often put fairly late in biography articles, but feel free to play with it and see where it fits best. As for whether to include descriptions of books and TV appearances, there's no hard and fast rule - tell what is important to know what is notable about MWD. Maybe at this point, just rearrange what you've already written, and then it will be easier to evaluate whether certain aspects need to be removed or added. LadyofShalott 03:38, 12 December 2009 (UTC)

Hi John. My preference would be for you to add content to what's there section by section. That way the wording and sourcing can be reviewed with each edit. That makes it easier to see what's being changed than trying to sort through a massive set of changes. But that's just my opinion and you can proceed as you see fit. I haven't had a chance to look through all the sources and citations you're using for this rough draft. The formatting seems to need improvement which would make it easier to tell where this content is coming from and whether the sources are reliable.

I remain concerned about wording and content that seems more promotional than encyclopedic. For example "She has often been distinguished"... instead of just saying she has been referred to as. And I'm not sure if the the content sourced to citation 19 is legitimate. The draft looks to me a bit too much like a newspaper account or personal biography than an encyclopedia article on this subject. So I reiterate my preference for incremental changes as the best way to proceed so that what's added can worded appropriately and sourced properly. ChildofMidnight (talk) 20:27, 12 December 2009 (UTC)

Yep good feedback, I wrote it more like a story just to get the chronological order out lined and to try and use all the sourcing I found. I'm doing clean up work right now with the citations, then will reformat it like you and LadyofShalott suggest, then I'll continue to do more clean up by making the writing more encyclopedic, if I can "rookie status" means encyclopedic writing skills in training. I will continue to hit u up for more as it progresses. removing "distinguished" John Francis Dec 12th

Update Dec 22

I have continued to find more and more information about Michele, at the same time I have been reading other Bio's more to and learning more about the standard way of writing and putting Bio's together and it looks like I will be making some more changes soon because of these two reasons. Probably a couple weeks more of work until I get it to where I believe this article can be. Any comments/feedback will be helpful for me I'm sure though. John Francis aka Tinkermen Dec22

A few things

I'll look at this in more detail later on, but a couple of cleanup points that strike me immediately:

• Is her surname hyphenated? it appears to be so in most of the article, but some places use a space between Weiner and Davis instead of Weiner-Davis. This needs to be consistent.
• Avoid using all caps. Even if the site uses THE WASHINGTON POST, you should not do that. LadyofShalott 19:22, 2 January 2010 (UTC)
• Spell out acronyms and initialisms the first time they are mentioned. Do not make me click a link in the first paragraph to figure out what AAMFT means. LadyofShalott 19:27, 2 January 2010 (UTC)

O.K. I took care of all of these issues, thanks for the help by the way. Keepim coming if you have time and can see any other issues I can take care of. John Francis Jan 2nd Twenty Ten

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