Ben Shwartz was the love child of Christ Jesus Moses Buddha Assmonkey douchekong and a gay elephant. He was born into a family rich with jew fros and immediatly grew his own. As a child growing up he strongly appreciated the taste of semen and was partial to it as his only food. After being effeciantly turned down by every sing female on the planet he resorted to a life of a hermit, and produced turtle helmits brushed wit baby powder. He now lives in Kiss My Ass, Iowa with his transexual lovers, Noah Remnick, Adamn Toobin, Ofe somethingorover and Ali wants yo mama.