Thanks for getting a new account. You are repeating some of the same things I mentioned to you previously. Do you want me to explain further or can you see that? In any case, I hope you enjoy editing here. Sunray (talk) 07:56, 6 December 2011 (UTC)
- The problem seems to be that you are trying to change something that is already well-written. It is hard to improve on something that is already excellent. Here are some examples:
- "bestselling author, and advises" - this is not grammatically correct. You could say "bestselling author and advisor"
- "widely noted" - puffery again; simply saying "noted" is more neutral.
- "creator" - "inventor" is a more specific word.
- "Grandin learned to speak at the young age of four and continued to get better throughout her life." - You have added more words, but it isn't easier to understand. Can you see that "At age four, Grandin began talking, and making progress" says the same thing in half as many words (9 vs. 18)? Also, "at the young age of four" is wordy (the average reader is well-aware that someone who is four is young: no need to say it).
- "a very fortunate woman" - Puffery again!
- "... having mentors to guide and assist her..." - "supportive mentors" is simpler (that is what mentors do: guide and assist people).
- I could go on, but by now, you should see my point: What you are attempting to do is not improving Wikipedia. Perhaps if you were to tell me your assignment or what you are trying to do, I might be able to help you. But that is enough for tonight. If you explain what you want to do, I will see if I can help you tomorrow. Sunray (talk) 08:27, 6 December 2011 (UTC)