Simplyys13

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Welcome!

Hello, Simplyys13, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Shalor and I work with the Wiki Education Foundation; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.

I hope you enjoy editing here. If you haven't already done so, please check out the student training library, which introduces you to editing and Wikipedia's core principles. You may also want to check out the Teahouse, a community of Wikipedia editors dedicated to helping new users. Below are some resources to help you get started editing.

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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 16:49, 23 September 2019 (UTC)

Notes

Hi! I saw that your edits were reverted - I have some notes for you. First, the content:

In 1983 Zandra Rhodes took her embellished designs on to a production set. Where she was casted as costume designer for Romeo and Juliet on ice. The pieces worn by the performers gave her enough recognition to be nominated for a Daytime Emmy Award in 1984 for Outstanding Individual Achievements in the Performing Arts.

• This needs sourcing to back up the claims - particularly with the major claims such as the Emmy Award. You can definitely use the Emmy site itself for this. I think that this NYT article mentions the Emmy, but I'm paywalled at this point in time. I did find a sort of paywalled source, but I was able to get the specific page. () It's not the ideal source, but it could back up the claim if we can't find a stronger one.

• This needs some editing for flow, as it's a little choppy. I think that a good way to rephrase this would be as follows:

In 1983 Rhodes was hired as the costume designer for Romeo and Juliet on Ice, a role for which we was nominated for a Daytime Emmy Award in 1984 for Outstanding Individual Achievements in the Performing Arts.

This is more straight to the point, as it gets to the "what" and "when" pretty quickly, then follows up to the "results" part of the sentence. You can definitely copy this verbatim if you like - it's just a rephrasing of your own work, paired with a source I found.

I hope that this helps - definitely reach out to me if you have any questions! Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 16:40, 9 November 2019 (UTC)

Feedback

Simplyys13 This is great progress. I note that you have gone back and completed your annotated bibliography, though you haven’t actually used the citations in the text you have added. Please do so!

I have also moved your contributions to the actual Sandbox page (right now they are on the Sandbox talk page) so your classmates will be able to find them. It also looks like you have lost some of your formatting, in part because you were working on the talk page (which doesn't have the visual editor). You should make sure the section and link formatting is intact.

Next step is to peer review one of your classmate’s articles. Like your own, these should be on their sandbox pages. You should be able to see who is assigned each article on the Assigned Articles tab, so click on their username to find their sandbox. Remember, you had a training on this, which you can rely on. Feel free to email me if you have questions. --Theredproject (talk) 20:06, 2 December 2019 (UTC)

Preparing to move to article

Hi Simplyys13 I just checked and your edits and want to offer a few pieces of guidance that you will need to follow in order to have your edits successfully posted without being reverted.

• There are times where you need to work on your Wikipedia:Neutral point of view
• You need to add citations for every claim. For your purposes, you can think about this as pretty much one citation for every sentence. As we have discussed, you can reuse citations, but you have to have them there.
• You need to copyedit for grammar

Take your first paragraph, for example: "Dame Zandra Lindsey Rhodes, DBE, RDI (born 19 September 1940) is an English fashion and textile designer. Her devoted passion for textiles is the creative force behind the beginning of her career into the fashion industry. Rhodes designed garments for Royal Princess Diana and numerous celebrities. In addition to her garment Zandra Rhodes has created designs for interiors. Where her prints feature on variation of furniture and homeware. In 2003 Zandra Rhodes founded the Fashion and Textile Museum in London. In the past fifty years of Zandra Rhodes career she has won awards recognizing her influential contribution within the fashion industry."

• "Her devoted passion for textiles is the creative force behind the beginning of her career into the fashion industry." -- words like "devoted passion" and "creative force" are going to be considered too opinionated. Also, I'm unsure what the sentence tells me beyond what the first sentence says, that she is a "fashion and textile designer."
• "In addition to her garment Zandra Rhodes has created designs for interiors. Where her prints feature on variation of furniture and homeware." could probably be better phrased as "In addition designing garments, Rhodes has created designs for interiors, featuring her prints on furniture and homewares." -- key here are subject/object agreements, and avoiding redundant words
• "In the past fifty years of Zandra Rhodes career she has won awards recognizing her influential contribution within the fashion industry." could be more concisely put as "Over her fifty year career Rhodes has won numerous awards recognizing contribution within the fashion industry, including ///LIST ONE OR TWO OF THE MOST IMPORTANT ONES HERE///." ("her influential" is not NPOV)

Can you see the way these revisions make the writing more concise, direct, and factual? --Theredproject (talk) 17:04, 15 December 2019 (UTC)