User talk:Raiyaka/Effects of pornography

Peer Review

Lead & Overview:

I would come back to this section after you are fully complete with the rest of the article. I think this will guide what to put into your introduction/ what else you can include. Possibly look for a book/reading/ source to pull from to outline the intro. Looks good so far!

Key Theories & Methodology:

Be aware of biases and wording such as "strongly" or "X theory is rather a strong one" and be more direct and encyclopedic with your wording. Also, look at minor grammatical issues such as italicizing or using quotation marks for certain articles, books, etc.

Pornographic Consumption & Effects:

Good start, would be interested to see a few sources added here following your statement about men's consumption. Maybe add a subsection about another group it effects as well, so it isn't strictly tailored to men. There is an interesting study about college students' consumption as well that could be beneficial.

Cognitive Effects:

"A recent study"... be more specific. Who conducted the study? Great use of including these studies, however, try adding a little bit more as to why it is relevant to include this, as well as how it relates back to negative cognitive effects.

Sexual Effects:

Since this section is so long and includes so many subheadings, I think it could be beneficial to divide into more specific sections and subheadings if possible. A lot of information in the existing article can also be removed completely, or combined with other sections. I enjoyed the addition of the TDV article you have, was beneficial to the section.

Effects on relationships:

I think a lot of the information and subsections here can be combined with the previous section, "Sexual Effects," as a lot of the information and studies you use, including the TDV one overlap. Just something to consider. I also feel the last section about consent was helpful to the article.

Occupational Safety and Health:

I personally think this section can and should be added if you have enough information, examples, and sources to back it up. Perhaps a title such as "Effects on Workers" or something along those lines would be a better fit for the overall "Effects" aspect of the article, but I think you have a valid lead on how the pornographic industry can have a direct and sometimes negative effect in those who have worked in it.

Overall:

I have to give you props first of all, for taking on such a lengthy article. The article I am working on is also quite lengthy and a little vague, so I know it is not easy to figure out where to start, what to add, fix, take out, etc. In this review, I focused primarily on your new additions, as opposed to minor changes from the initial article you made. I think a lot of the information in the initial article can be omitted, or even combined within certain sections that you have added yourself, so if you have time, I implore you to see which ways you can connect existing and new ideas. I think the information you have now is a good amount to work with, so try to work on the information and headings you have already added, and focus on expanding, as opposed to adding completely new sections. Before you finish/ turn in your assignment, I encourage you to just do a double check regarding grammar, capitalization, etc, as I get it is important to get your information typed out first and worry about the logistics later. Your article is in great shape and I even gained some insight to incorporate into my project. Willow333 (talk) 04:32, 29 November 2023 (UTC)