User talk:Mserdan/sandbox

Peer Review

Kevin

Intro

Your rewrite of the intro was excellent, much better than the article as it currently exists. A map might be helpful if you can procure one from GeoMapApp or something similar, to add context to the geographic distributions. Canada Part seems like a bit of a non sequitur, but you did have a great section on the MPA designation, so it fits well

Formation

Clean up the life references in this first section, this is a carryover from the original article, but it doesn't belong in the formation part. The whole first sentence might go, just lead into the description of the physical processes that start the creation. This section seems a bit generic, maybe throw in a specific reference to the specific plates involved in the creation of this ridge, not just refer to general plates. Either remove or modify the life themed sentence at the end here, seems out of place similar to intro sentence.

Biology

First two sentences seem redundant, consider truncating them or removing the first. 3rd- something like "There are over 60 species endemic to the jdf ridge", as it exists currently the language appears a little rough. 4th- "The endeavor segment alone has 12 unique species that" and then idk, "call it home" or "can't be found anywhere else in the world" (bit redundant with the "endemic" from above, but w/e). Consider specifically citing both of the above numbers Make the next sentence a bit more general "Some organisms can survive at a record 121°F" (or is it C?), maybe throw in a link to the extremophiles wikipedia article The tube worms line seems strange, either add another sentence so you don't end on a specific organism, or cut it. Issue with cutting it is it makes your video stand awkwardly alone.

MPA section

great, no notes here Pszczolak (talk) 20:38, 21 May 2017 (UTC)

Ian

• Outstanding introduction, it is clear, easy to follow, and frames the topic well.
• Good coverage of the formation of hydrothermal vents in general, but are the any other specifics or ways to relate it to the Endeavour segment? (like unique composition, locations, something that makes the Endeavour vents unique)
• The biology section sounds vague for having so much potential with so many unique species. Perhaps featuring some of the more abundant ones would be helpful to highlight the diversity.
• I think the MPA section could be tacked onto the end of the introduction and still accomplish the same things, it feels very short to be its own section as is.
• The quoted text was kind of hard to separate and follow with, maybe spreading it out and featuring each discovery on its own could make it easier to follow. Also linking to other articles relating to the discoveries or providing an explanation of why they were so important/ related to science in general could be helpful.
• Good diversity and variety of sources.

V/R, Iborche (talk) 06:12, 22 May 2017 (UTC)