Misshaleyrobinson
Welcome!
editHello, Misshaleyrobinson, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Ian and I work with the Wiki Education Foundation; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.
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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Ian (Wiki Ed) (talk) 18:26, 15 February 2016 (UTC)
Feedback
editNice start on your Mount Shasta City Park article. There are, however, some things that still need to be done.
Wikipedia articles begin with a lead section, not an introduction. You need to state, up front, what the article is about. So you need to begin with something like
Mount Shasta City Park is an urban park located in Mount Shasta, California.
In the next paragraph or two you need to summarize all the key points in the article so that a reader can get a sense of what the topic is quickly. The address of the park, on the other hand, shouldn't be on the page - it isn't something the casual reader would want to know, and it isn't something the dedicated reader - someone who wants to visit the park - should get from Wikipedia. Things like the opening hours shouldn't be on Wikipedia either - this is important information for visitors, but it can change, so unless you intend to keep them updated it's probably not a good idea to include (without including a date).
The second thing you need to bear in mind is that Wikipedia is an encyclopedia - it's supposed to present information in a neutral fashion. You shouldn't be writing in a promotional style. Say what it is, don't try to convince people of how good it is. Things like "Arguably one of the most unique elements of..." are problematic; for one, "arguably" isn't neutral language (but "described by [named source] as [something]" is. Also, since unique means singular, the only one of its kind, there can't be such a thing as "most unique". People say it all the time in conversational English, but it isn't something you can say in formal writing.
One more thing - you used a lot of bare urls in the article. Please replace them with properly formatted references. Use the cite tool in the VisualEditor - you can drop a URL or DOI into the editor and it will produce a properly-formatted reference (most of the time). It's especially important for you to replace any urls that have "proxy.lib.csus.edu" - these are only accessible, and only interpretable, to people who are logged in through your library's browser. This following one in particular is actually a search result (which will, presumably, expire eventually).
http://search.proquest.com.proxy.lib.csus.edu/docview/926450641?OpenUrlRefId=info:xri/sid:primo&accountid=10358
Thanks. Ian (Wiki Ed) (talk) 23:38, 26 April 2016 (UTC)
Thank you for the feedback Ian! I had actually pushed my article over before I had intended to. I plan on making changes to the text so it is more neutral, and thank you for the information on the references as well as the general visitor information such as the hours and address. I will make these changes immediately! Very helpful, I appreciate it!
Haley