User talk:Minastudent/sandbox
I added 'al' to 'nation' in the sentence about the Red Guard merger in the intro. I also think that sentence might work better as two sentencesSparmer (talk)sparmer
Changed "Their particualar racial position of Asians in the United States" to "The particular position of Asians in the United States."Sparmer (talk)sparmer
Something like 'declared' might be better than 'claimed' in the part about the IWK newspaper with the quotes.Sparmer (talk)sparmer —Preceding undated comment added 01:30, 2 December 2016 (UTC)
In the description of the Red Guard maybe 'San Francisco Based revolutionary organization' and 'Asian Americans to address' instead of 'Asian Americans who adressed'.Sparmer (talk)sparmer —Preceding undated comment added 01:38, 2 December 2016 (UTC)
I added 'experienced' between 'Guard' and 'internal'Sparmer (talk)sparmer —Preceding undated comment added 01:41, 2 December 2016 (UTC)
The third sentence under the international section may be a run-on.Sparmer (talk)sparmer —Preceding undated comment added 02:01, 2 December 2016 (UTC)
I thought your lead was really informative and clear! I also thought you did a good job being objective throughout the article, never using language that portrays IWK in a good or bad light. There are a few things I'm still wondering about after reading the article/could be added if the info exists, like more on IWK's ideology. Since it seems like there were a lot of radical groups out there, what differentiates IWK from others (e.g. how militant were they? More on the self-determination thing?). What's the significance of IWK's merger into the League of Revolutionary Struggle? I also wonder about more of the history of IWK. Why and how did it start/end? How big was IWK? Since you wrote in the lead that it was the largest Asian American group, how significant/widely regarded was it within the Movement? What were, if any, criticisms of the group?
Also just minor things: there's a Wikipedia page on the Red Guard (revolutionary group) if you wanted to include a link to the page, and there are a few run-on/incomplete sentences you might want to check for ("They considered Chinatown to be "internal colonies" as was dedicated to fighting for self-determination” in ideology section, what Sam mentioned in the international section). In general your topic is really interesting and I learned a lot from reading this :) Mniiya (talk) 02:26, 2 December 2016 (UTC)
also do you have a source for the 12-point program? Mniiya (talk) 02:41, 2 December 2016 (UTC)