User talk:Matranga415/Sandbox

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Hi Michelle – I gave a suggestion to Aaron, which I think could also generally apply to your paper. The topic you have chosen is somewhat focused so I think readers who come to your page will be interested in specific details about the GCI. At the same time, as part of our assignment, we have to talk about some broader issues such as the nature of the environmental problem, physical and social causes, and stakeholder participation. One way you could potentially structure your paper to accommodate this is to start out with a broad but thorough discussion about the GCI. Then, when you talk about the more general topics, you can tie the discussion back to the GCI by talking about how the GCI addresses each one. So, for example, in the sections on toxic chemicals in the environment and traditional methods for dealing with waste (which you could probably combine into one section), you could talk about how the CGI will attempt to correct those problems. Similarly, in the section on stakeholder involvement, you could talk about the measures that the GCI has for public involvement. In this way, your paper will keep coming back to the main reason people came to your page in the first place, which was to learn about the GCI. I hope this is helpful. Let me know if it isn’t clear or if you would like to talk about this. JLapka (talk) 18:09, 17 April 2011 (UTC)

Hi Michelle,

Thanks for your informative article on the Green Chemistry Initiative. Frightening how many toxic chemicals we may be exposed to daily! You explained the history and parameters of the problem very well. I just have a few editing suggestions to improve clarity in some sections:

• In the first paragraph when you mention, green ribbon science panel discussion, I would explain what these are.
• Explain earlier in the brief the why the initiative is called Green Chemistry
• In your "Environmental Problem" section, I was confused about the discussion on sodium nitrates. Probably just needs slight editing.
• In section on Stakeholder involvement, who is keeping a "watchful eye" in this sentence? "The chemical industry: producers of chemicals, household cleansers, plastics, rubber, paints and explosives, keep a watchful eye on issues including environmental and health policy, taxes and trade."
• Under Policy/program section, I didn't understand the sentence: "As an innovative technology, green chemistry encourages the design of safer chemicals and products and to minimize the impact of wastes through increased energy efficiency, the design of chemical products that degrade after use, the use of renewable resources (petroleum, gas and coal are non-renewable fossil fuels)."
• In "The California Green Chemistry Initiative" section, does the initiative include enforcement components or just recommendations for improving safety?
• I was also wondering if the recommendations made by Lisa Jackson have any teeth. Are their incentives in place to urge manufacturers to follow these recommendations? Are they mandated or enforced?
• In last paragraph of brief, when you end by talking about California's initiative, I think it would be helpful to explain the current status of the policy. This is a good place reiterate how difficult it has been to implement stronger regulations.

I hope this is helpful! June Simone8855 (talk) 19:38, 19 April 2011 (UTC)