User talk:Maca1093/sandbox
You must get going!--RJBazell (talk) 16:54, 25 October 2018 (UTC)
Archer's Peer Review edit
You've done a great job so far on this page, especially having created a totally new page. You make the importance of the information very clear for the most part, especially because the program is helping to develop a vaccine. I wonder if you could somehow explain how the military component makes this program different than others or if it is just basically another extension of the US government's HIV/AIDS policies. All of your sections are important and well-organized. I do feel a little lost in the last section, Prevention, Care, and Treatment becuase almost all HIV/AIDS programs include these goals, so it seems necessary that you describe this program's approach more specifically by naming individual programs within it because prevention, care, and treatment are too broad. Additionally, I think you could also further explain the importance of that fact that this military program was the first to realize that the virus is hard to identify in acute infection; this statement seems a little out of place. I wonder if it would go better under another header. Another option would be to make a new section that talks about discoveries/research discovered/facilitated by this program and make subheaders within it. Just an idea! Great job! Joarfr (talk) 02:03, 29 October 2018 (UTC)
Rebecca's Peer Review edit
Hello! Good work so far with your article! All your sections are sourced nicely and seem organized! Keep it up! Here are my comments:
- Add in a title reading with the name of your article.
- In your lead section, you may want to delete the header and simply place it under title heading. In addition, you may want to hyperlink articles to the different organizations and funds you mention. It will provide the reader the ability to learn more about anything that is new to them.
- This comment can also be applied to the rest of the article.
- Throughout the article, be more specific in regards to the military. Provide specific military examples and efforts related to HIV/AIDS research.
- I am unsure if you are replacing the wikipedia article that already exists or building off of it. If you are replacing it, be careful not to plagiarize or close paraphrase any of the existing sentences.
- Overall, I feel you can elaborate your already existing ideas and sections more. Try to be as specific as possible and continue writing.
You can do it and keep it up!