User talk:ML Chau123/sandbox

Comments on the Outline from Rosie:

I didn't even know that this park exists!

Have a short section about Everett Crowley. Who was he? Why is the park named for him?

You'll need a map showing the park's location, and ideally another showing trails. For the location I think there's a web site that provides copyright-free maps (Ruth may know it). For the trains, you might want to redraw an existing map.

Links needed: Is there a Wikipedia article that lists Vancouver parks? The reference link you have for Earth Day just goes to a poster. Link to Fraser River.

More information about the sources you'll use would have been desirable. It's clear from what you wrote that you do have more sources.

More information about the searches you did (or more searches) would have been desirable. To find all the Wikipedia pages that mention this park, try Googling: Everett Crowley Park site:wikipedia.org. Rosieredfield (talk) 23:12, 4 February 2016 (UTC)

Outline comments from Ruth

You could get maps from Wikimedia Commons and as far as I know you can modify the maps as well. What images are you going to include? You can go to the park and take to include in the article. RuthVancouver (talk) 01:38, 7 February 2016 (UTC)

Peer Review Comments - Alexa Laidlaw

Overall organization and content:

• Good, logical order of topics. I think the “Ecology” section could use some re-working. The last two sentences in this section would be better suited to the beginning of the section rather than at the end. The layout with the photos integrated into the section paragraph makes it a bit difficult to read. I recommend moving these photos to the sides of the section to give the section a better flow. The “Challenges” section seems like it is just general information about parks, and not specific to Everett Crowley park. Is it mentioned because it is a particularly bad issue there? If so, maybe make this clear so that it feels like this information is really relevant to the page. In the “Attractions” section, remove the information about the bee box and flowers from the “Trails” subsection and create a new subsection for this information.

• Great work writing in a very neutral tone, unbiased tone.

• While reading I wondered how the park was turned back into a green space. Was it a completely natural occurrence, or was it a man-made effort or a combination of forces? I think this information would be a good addition, and give readers a better understanding of the park’s history.

• The references are good. They appear to be reliable, credible, and unbiased.

• Not sure if it is possible, but it would be great to have an external link to the “Birding with Margo” event that provides more information about these tours.

• I noticed you addressed Rosie’s suggestion and added some information about Everett Crowley. I’m glad you incorporated the map of the trails in the park, but you are still missing a map of the location of the park. This would be a very valuable addition to your page

Integration with other Wiki pages:

• Overall, appropriate and helpful links to existing Wiki articles throughout your page
• You can link Blue Orchard Mason Bee to the “Mason Bee” Wiki page
• Link Vancouver Board of Parks and Recreation to “Vancouver Park Board” Wiki page
• Link the term landfill to the “landfill” Wiki page
• Your link for “Everett Crowley” goes to a non-existent page
• You don’t have any links to your page from other Wiki articles. Some good ones to add your page to would be the Wiki pages for : “Champlain Heights”, “Killarney, Vancouver”, “East Vancouver”, “Vancouver Park Board”

Standard Wikipedia page layout and organization

• Overall layout it excellent and clear
• The lead paragraph gives a good and concise summary of the article and includes the most important facts about the park. Great work!
• Table of Contents is present and organized well
• I think the infobox is a great addition, but I think you could choose a better photo. A location map, or an image of the park itself would be more valuable than the photo of the sign.
• Reference section is present, and references are only used once

Writing Quality

I came across a few grammar/spelling issues that need to be addressed:

• “Kerr Road garbage Dump” - Capitalization issues
• “Before to useage as a garbage dump in 1944…” - needs grammatical work
• “a 38-hectares large” – remove the “s” on “hectares”
• Link to hectare Wiki page so that reader has a better understanding of the size of the park
• Link to coniferous forest Wiki page (redirects to Pinophyta) as some readers may not know what a coniferous forest is
• “Activities include tree planting, and is supported by local businesses” – this sentence needs some grammatical work
• “…also visitors who doesn't want to interact with dogs…” – change “doesn’t” to “don’t”
• Not sure what “Bunkie the Clown” and “Lindsay Long Legs” are. Explaining these attractions would be helpful to the reader.
• Please define the “Canine Good Neighbour program”
• “…dog bows…” to “dog bowls”

Illustrations

• Images are excellent. I like how you took many of them yourself!
• I mentioned it earlier, but a map of the location of the park would be very valuable. The map of the trails is great addition
• Captions are provided for each image and are helpful
• All images are attributed correctly

Alaidlaw (talk) 19:58, 13 March 2016 (UTC)

Peer Review Comments - Melanie

This is a walkthrough of all the things I thought as I read through your wiki page. It is overall very good, but I do find a lot of your sentences short and could probably be combined (in some cases). Some of my thoughts were spelling/grammar mistakes and some were sections that could use more content or clarity.

• Infobox is great
• 38-hectares to 38-hectare
• I'm not sure if citations have to go at the end of the sentence, but the [1] after the word "park" in the first sentence feels strange.
• "means" works but I prefer the word "purposes"
• I think you could combine some of your sentences so it doesn't sound like you say "Everett Crowley Park" or "It" (at the beginning of a sentence) too many times
• Should be called "Kerr Road Garbage Dump" with the same capitalization throughout (be consistent)
• I noticed you listened to Ruth about adding a link to Everett Crowley and mentioning briefly about what he did
• "History" being at the beginning of the article before other sections is good and pretty standard of many wiki articles.
• Good pictures
• Who is the bird expert?
• Link for Earth Day to Earth Day wiki page
• I would add another sentence to Birding with Margo. What happens on the tour?
• You have three areas you talk about in your trails section: Snake Trail, Vista Way Trail (capitalize the T), and Manfred's Meadow. I would try to make these stand out in the article by bolding or italicizing them (I'm not sure if that's standard in articles though), because sub-headings would be too much for such little content.
• Interestingly implies that it should be interesting, which kinda of holds a biased voice in my opinion.
• I would add at least one more sentence to "Vandalism and Garbage"
• Which part of 49th Avenue? Where do you get off the 26 or 100 buses? Those locations aren't very specific.
• For the "Related" section, instead of providing the web urls, I would just put "Champlain Heights" and "Killarney Vancouver" with links
• rename "Sources" to "References"
• the article could use a map for the location of the park in Vancouver — Preceding unsigned comment added by Melmew (talk • contribs) 06:59, 15 March 2016 (UTC)

comments from Asia

Overall: Well done! Seems very thorough and most previous suggestions have been incorporated.

Integration: seems that your page links to a lot of others but when I checked which pages link to yours it seemed like there were none. If that's right, add link to your page on Vancouver Parks page and nearby neighbourhood pages. Perhaps also Vancouver Birding page if there is one.

Layout and Organization: Overall good. I think someone else mentioned you could move events under attractions as well. Writing Quality:

Awkward: "Everett Crowley Park is a 38-hectares large forested park [1] with trails", could change it to "Everett Crowley Park, located in...., contains 38 hectares of forest and trails."

The next sentence, "The park was previously a garbage dump, but has been reforested for recreational means." seems a bit shocking. Consider not mentioning this here and just leaving it in the history, or providing a bit of segue-way, like "Interestingly the park was previously a garbage dump..."

"Prior to being a park, the area was known to be the Kerr Road..." you can take out "known to be" and just say "the area was the Kerr Road Garbage dump"

"Before to usage as a garbage dump in 1944", change to "Prior to usage"

revise sentence: "Activities include tree planting, and is supported by local businesses"

"26th bus", change to 26 bus

Images: Well done, I agree with Alexa that some could be rearranged (e.g. not so many in ecology section, And as others have mentioned, needs a general map. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Asiawilcox (talk • contribs) 20:37, 22 March 2016 (UTC)

Comments from Annalise

Overall organization and content:

• What a fascinating topic- I haven't heard about this park before!
• You did a great job in writing in an unbiased tone, and having each section flow together. There are a few grammatical errors, however these have been previously mentioned. It may also be a good idea to sell check everything on Microsoft Word or any other program to check for fragment errors as well.
• In terms of content, I think more information could be added under ‘Birding with Margo’- otherwise it seems unnecessary that this topic have its own section.
• I also think more information could be added under the “Challenges” section. Are there other issues aside from Vandalism and Garbage? (Also, I think more information needs to be added here- what effect does vandalism have on the surrounding ecology, is there a notable case on the news?)

Integration with other Wikipedia pages?

• Suitable references are provided, and the list is fine as is, but adding more can be to your benefit.
• As others have mentioned, you must have more external links to other sites (the links to existing Wikipedia pages are fine except for the link to Everett Crowley- perhaps this can be removed?)
• Make sure you link your page under the wikipedia page for other parks in Vancouver. This will bring more attention to your page!

Standard Wikipedia page layout and organization?

• One concern I have is that there is no “Lead” summary on this Wikipedia article. I advise adding a short, brief summary covering all the topics that will be discussed.
• The headings are organized but I think the formatting needs to changed (make them all separate main sections, not subsections). On a related topic, the organization of the table of contents needs dome editing- instead of all the subsections falling under the number “1,” it should all be separated. Example:

        1 Everett Crowley Park
 	2 History
 		2.1 Ecology
 		2.2 Everett Crowley Park Committee
 	3 Events
 		3.1 Earth Day
       ....

• Also, the infobox is in the wrong section; it should be brought upwards, where the lead summary should be (if you take a look at other Wikipedia articles, you will know what I mean!)

Illustrations:

• The first illustrations added were very nice, but I think the attributes and organization of the images is necessary- I suggest reducing the size of the large images. In terms of organizing the images better, I would recommend making a “photo-album/gallery” similar to [1] since you have a lot of images.

Suggestions from Ruth and Rosie: The suggestions from Ruth and Rosie have been met, but could be improved (based on deadline submission): (1) A sentence about Everett Crowley was added, but I think there should be more information- why is the park named after him? (2) A trail map was included, but a map showing the park’s location is still needed. (3) Finally, more external links to existing pages are needed. — Preceding unsigned comment added by AnnaliseKim (talk • contribs) 05:58, 23 March 2016 (UTC)

Comments from Rosie

Sources of information:

• The page makes too much relatively direct use of the Everett Crowley Trails pdf; this comes perilously close to plagiarism.
• Did you try to contact the Everett Crowley Park Committee and talk to any member familiar with the history of the park?
• Did you read their 24-page booklet about the park? (Paradise Reclaimed; you can find it on Google Books)?

Information:

• Some of the information is quite general and doesn't belong in a page about a specific park (e.g. dogs and people,
• The info on access isn't very will done. Mention 'by car' in the first sentence (here's the place to put info about parking). Clarify the bus numbers and give locations of stops.
• Say in the first sentence that this is an urban park.
• Everett Crowley was the Parks Commissioner, not a commissioner.

Links:

• What's the purpose of link 3#?
• I think link #4 is to pages that haven't been updated in some time.
• The Earth Day links are to previous years - try to find a more general link that will continue to be useful in the future.
• Link #5 is to Earth Day, not a general page about the River District.

Writing:

• Your sentences tend to be very choppy except where they are too heavily taken from other sources.
• Also there are a number of grammar and syntax errors - we can meet to discuss these if you like.
• 'According to a bird expert' is pretty lame.

Rosieredfield (talk) 20:12, 28 March 2016 (UTC)

Comments from Ruth

Nice page, but it need a few significant but easy changes to make it an awesome page!

• Think about your red link to the man Everett Crowley, should it be a red link. See Wikipedia guidelines here for when and when not to have red links Wikipedia:Red_link

• “Tours for bird watching and walking through the park are held on the third Sunday of each month at 8:30 AM” -> Put a date on this as this might go out of date in a year or two i.e. “As of March 2016…”

• This sentence does not have a neutral tone, it sounds more like instructions. “To avoid conflict, it is important to promote the awareness of responsible dog-handling and support initiatives such the as Canine Good Neighbor program to ensure that everybody can enjoy the beauty of the resource”. For example the start could be “To avoid conflict it has been/the Vancouver park board have recommended that …”

• Your links in your related section need to be made into ‘word links’ such as in this article New_Sweden#See_also

• Nice to have an infobox but could you put more stuff in it such as date created (this is in your text), type (urban park??) operator (Vancouver/Richmond parks board?), location (Richmond?). See Stanley_Park for ideas. Also can you make the coordinates into links like in the Stanley Park infobox?

Photos

• The photos of the birdhouse, spruce trees, and birds are not in the right place or format here. For one thing the captions are not coded correctly (you can do it as your other photos are correct), and small photos should not be placed in-line between text. They should be at the side of the page. See Wikipedia guidelines Wikipedia:Manual_of_Style/Images#How_to_place_an_image.

• I am not sure that you need these bird photos at all as someone can just click on the link to see the relevant page to see what these birds look like.

• Caption under the weeping willow -> change to make it explicit that this picture was taken in the park.

More links in the text needed including:

• deciduous trees

• blackberry

• native and invasive plants (two links)

• Fraser river

• Blue Orchard Mason Bee

• … and more!

RuthVancouver (talk) 23:58, 29 March 2016 (UTC)

Final comments from Rosie

Overall this is a very good piece of work. The remaining issues can be left for other editors.

• The writing still needs improvement: your sentences are very choppy, with no flow from one to the next.
• There are only two links from other Wikipedia pages.

Rosieredfield (talk) 20:07, 14 April 2016 (UTC)