User talk:Kpatt24/sandbox

Feedback

Peer Review:

• a little bit of repetition
• it is organized
• maybe some title headings
• good order
• there isn’t anything off topic, there is more writing of the same thing in each paragraph, they don’t seem very different, but are somewhat different in a way
• i couldn’t guess the perspective of the author after reading the author
• some of the quotes seem unnecessary
• the article does focus more on negative than positive information, but in a way it’s okay
• the article makes a claim about one person and focuses just on her
• the statements in the article are connected to a reliable source
• the sources are from websites about the lady Jane
• there are statements attributed to more than 1 source
• has external links but no internal links
• i haven’t noticed any unsourced items in there, but check again just to be sure
• hate mail? instead of hate male. not sure if that was intentional
• over all I like the topic of how feminists and religion do collide in a way
• it is focused on just one topic, it’s not all over the place with different topics
• the phrase how they teach women to read like men really caught my eye
• maybe some title headings might help.. it may help to separate to talk about the different problems
• talk about more of the issue rather than JaneOliviaBarron13 (talk) 13:19, 17 March 2016 (UTC)

feedback

peer review:

1. The sections are organized very well. It is five paragraphs long , so you should have a thesis statement in your introduction and your first sentence of each of each paragraph explaining your points because the text got a little confusing. Paragraph two, first sentence seems unnecessary because it never mentions what those “four different ways” are that Jane Schaberg approached. Paragraph four includes very good points, but it should be longer. Paragraph five is really confusing and should be revised by also increasing the length of the paragraph.
2. Paragraph 1,4,5 should increase the length. None of the paragraphs are unnecessary, but should clearly state in its first sentence what point they are trying to make. Paragraph 5 and 1 seem a little off topic. For example, in paragraph 1, it says “why” what is that why referring to?
3. The article reflects all the persecutive represented in the published literature.
4. I can not guess the perspective of author by reading the article, which is good because your essay doesn’t seem like you are taking one side, so it is neutral. There are also no unnamed group claims, which is also great thing about this text.
5. Just a few comments about these five paragraphs: You do not need to mention the book, so many times throughout the text because it is mentioned in paragraph 1,3,5. Also, explain any text that a person who has never read Bible can understand. For example, what is Gospel of Luke? Paragraph 2 has good length but not whole lot of strong points because it first three sentences does not explain the point you are making. So many things are repeated. Paragraph 3 can make your text really good, if it is organized more and includes a little more information.

Cooltopics (talk) 04:56, 18 March 2016 (UTC)