User talk:Kamori25/sandbox

Zmattingly Peer Review

Hello! This article has a great set up and you make a lot of good points about science and technology circumstantially being underestimated, and then becoming necessary and widespread. The most important improvement I would suggest would be to continue to specify your examples, it's probably okay to make generalizations if they're then followed up by some reasons why you made the blanketing statement.

1. Lead

 - I believe that your article begins with an essay-like introduction as opposed to a single sentence lead. Within the few first sentences it feels as if you are making some generalized claims as opposed to summarizing information on early cultural trends of scientific  discoveries versus technological developments. 

2. Article

 - The information you present is generalized and I think that this article would benefit from specific examples, such as clearing up phrases like "contradicting traditional beliefs," and "the entrepreneurs." What entrepreneurs are you thinking of? What discoveries specifically became physically prominent or influential in the day to day?
 - I was also wondering if you were able to find maybe if there were a few particular discoveries or researchers that influenced the surge in widespread use and interest in science and tech? Was there something that happened that made the environment more competitive and therefore more prone to specialization of field?
 - What films were influential, why?
 - Your last paragraph feels like the most important, it really gives definition to the page you're improving. This could be your lead before you discuss the history. 

3. References

 - Most statements I do not know where you are drawing your information from, but I feel like this is an easy fix! Adding specific examples will clear all of this up.
 - As for the references you provided in your notes, I'm not sure a blog is a reliable source although it might be helpful in determining what in science and tech has been influential enough to gain public attention. 

4. Existing Article

 - Finding evidence of societal trends and presenting it in a factual manner is challenging, as is this topic in particular. There is very little in the existing article to improve so you pretty much have to start from scratch, which is additionally hard with a topic so broad but you're doing a great job it seems that you have a lot of ideas on the specifics you're going to include already! 

Zmattingly (talk) 18:36, 15 June 2018 (UTC)

Nuniw18 Peer Review

Hi! This is a very interesting topic that you have chosen. I like how you have elaborated in the History section to provide useful background for the reader.

Lead section: While the History section is very informative, I think a simpler and shorter lead section would benefit your article.

Article: While you give some great general background, I think your article can be improved by providing concrete examples to some of your statements. For example:

• After you mention traditional beliefs taking priority over science based medicine, you could provide examples of specific traditional beliefs/practices being used where a scientific method may have worked better.
• After you highlight the shift from traditional practices to modern medicine due to entrepreneurs, you could talk about specific entrepreneurial advancements in medicine that occurred.
• In the Hollywood section, perhaps link to specific Hollywood films that embody what you've described.

References: I also think that your article could be improved by adding some more references. You have a great deal of information, especially in the History, section that should be backed up by more sources. Adding examples like those I mentioned above can help you augment your references section.

Existing Article: While this is an existing article, the original provides very little information, so you are effectively writing a new article. For this reason, I think that you could add more sections/expand on what you have written and produce a mostly comprehensive Wiki contribution. Filling out your examples section would be a good way to do this.

Overall, I really like this article! I feel like I've learned a lot about science in popular culture. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Nuniw18 (talk • contribs) 18:04, 17 June 2018 (UTC)