User talk:Kailynriedel/sandbox

Hi! I read through the article edits you've done in your sandbox and overall I think the additions are great. I noticed the figure you added for the page and I think it helps clarify the relevance of the DTM to the article! The last couple of sentences in the first paragraph of your edits were a bit unclear - the information itself is supportive but I think maybe rearrangement of the phrases/word choice would make that part a bit stronger. The list you added under the paradox section was also something that really makes the article stronger. I appreciated that you added proper citations (to credible sources) and also added links to relevant/important pages, this maximizes the information that a reader can get from the article and improves the article. Moving forward, I'd just suggest expanding the paradox section with some new sources and information. The edits look great so far, keep it up! :) Lmart12 (talk) 02:29, 2 April 2018 (UTC)

Andy's Peer Review

Reading through your edit I feel that you have very good information added but there are a couple things that need to be addressed. The main thing being more clear about the information you are presenting, I feel you kinda run on when the information can be presented the way it is without much more needed wording. The tone you are writing in needs to be more neutral and i guess more neutral. Overall the information from what i have read through looked good. — Preceding unsigned comment added by ACdenver6465 (talk • contribs) 05:47, 3 April 2018 (UTC)

Thank you for the feedback!

Lmart12 and ACdenver6465, thank you for the great feedback towards my Wikipedia Article on Income and Fertility! I will definitely take into account the first couple sentences on re-phrasing and elaborating more on that section. I think it is a good idea to add more to the paradox section as it is pretty broad at the moment. Thanks again for the feedback in order to improve for my future edits. :) (Kailynriedel (talk) 21:20, 4 April 2018 (UTC))

Final Comments

Hi! Just wanted to drop in and read over your edits before they go live. I think you've made great changes and overall really improved the Income and Fertility article! Great job expanding under different sections :) Lmart12 (talk) 01:33, 11 April 2018 (UTC)