Hey J Morris!
I think that this is a great start to your page! I have a few critiques to begin. You do not have to place a contents list in the body of your page because Wiki already does so. Also in your abstract you might want to link "copper deficiency" and "x-linked recessive" to another Wiki page in case some readers do not know what that means. There should also be a few more links through your page just for some words that let's say a teenager or even a freshman would read and not understand. Also in your signs and symptoms perhaps link "neurodegeneration" and "osteoporosis". I do like that you explain in lamens terms what they mean but perhaps a Wiki reader would also like a visual link.
The treatment and prevention section is nicely done and in the research section needs a body. Also, I am not sure your references are showing up correctly. I feel that if possible more information on who Menkes targets such as race and gender needs to be included and more on the mechanism if possible. I hope that my comments will help!
Thanks!
Cyu2 (talk) 13:38, 10 November 2015 (UTC)Cheryl (Cyu2)
- Drop the heading. The full page will add its own, and this just makes your formatting confusing.
- Contents is generated for you. Delete yours.
- As Cheryl mentioned, you could use a lot more links to terms.
- Your formatting looks like you copied from another page, not an edit source. Go back and copy from the source, then replace text with your text.
- It's fine to use material from the previous version, but it looks like you haven't thought about it and incorporated it, just used their sections and retitled them and added your own sections.
- How does this mutation cause impaired copper absorption? What does the gene do?
- I want to give you positive comments, but this really isn't at the rough draft stage, I strongly suggest that you come meet with me to get this to where it needs to be.
Sweiner02 (talk) 22:49, 12 November 2015 (UTC)
Hey Juliette!
You did an awesome job! The contents section is automatically added by Wikipedia (I think) so you may not need to have your own section for that. Your signs and symptoms section is really great, and you include lots of information. The only thing I could think of is maybe you could write a list of symptoms in there somewhere so it is easier to read. Pathophysiology can be elaborated on a little bit more to show exactly why copper is important. Your “See Also” and “References” section also need a little work because there are no links to the list of “See Also” and References are not actually listed.
Overall I think you did great. You understand the disease and maybe need to just elaborate a little more. My Wikipedia page is very similar to yours and I have a lot to add, but for now I think this looks great!
- Sam Salex68 (talk) 23:19, 12 November 2015 (UTC)