User talk:Hubbasink/sandbox2

Feedback

@Hubbasink: Nice work on your draft. Breaking it up into sections was especially helpful, and did a lot to improve readability. A few things you could improve

• Section headers use sentence capitalization, not title capitalization so, for example, it would be "Notable moments" not "Notable Moments".
• You have quite a few single-sentence paragraphs. Generally speaking, too many of these hurt readability.
• I find the "notable alumni" section to be too telegraphed. The names are presented with no context - if you don't know who they are, the only way to learn more is to click through, and there are just too many names to click through. Breaking this down into a few sentences, talking about when they were involved, giving at least the briefest bit of biographical information (actor, director, etc.) would be very helpful. Ian (Wiki Ed) (talk) 15:00, 16 July 2019 (UTC)

thank you @Ian (Wiki Ed): for your feedback. I have made the updates you suggested and eliminated the majority of single-sentence paragraphs. Hubbasink (talk) 21:33, 19 July 2019 (UTC)