H703D
| This user is a student editor in West_Virginia_University/Technical_Writing_(Spring_2021) . |
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Hello, H703D, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Ian and I work with Wiki Education; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.
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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Ian (Wiki Ed) (talk) 14:32, 2 February 2021 (UTC)
Rural Diversity https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rural_diversity
Original: "Music" "American folk music is often associated with rural areas, particularly Oklahoma, Appalachia, and the Southwest. Country music is also often affiliated with rural areas. Country music is more associated with the southern part of the United States than American Folk music is."
Revised: American folk music is often associated with rural areas, particularly Oklahoma, Appalachia, and the Southwest. This genre was influenced by African American, Native American, and European cultures (Thompson 70). American folk music often involves the guitar, banjo, and fiddle. On the other hand, country music is more associated with rural areas in the southern United States. Geographical location is important to consider when differentiating between these two musical genres.
Reason for Edit: This section had a disconnect between the American folk and country music sentences. Since American folk music is linked to Appalachia, it was important to provide more information about it.
Thompson, Deborah J. "Searching for silenced voices in Appalachian music." GeoJournal, 2006.
https://link-springer-com.wvu.idm.oclc.org/search?dc.title=Searching+for+silenced+voices+in+ Appalachian+music&date/facet-mode=between&facet-start-year=2006&dc.creator=Thompson&showAll= true
Peer Review edit
Rural Diversity https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rural_diversity
Original: "Music"
"American folk music is often associated with rural areas, particularly Oklahoma, Appalachia, and the Southwest. Country music is also often affiliated with rural areas. Country music is more associated with the southern part of the United States than American Folk music is."
Revised: American folk music is at home in Oklahoma, Appalachia, and the Southwest. This genre was influenced by African American, Native American, and European cultures (Thompson 70). American folk music often involves the guitar, banjo, and fiddle. Additionally, country music is more associated with rural areas in the southern United States. Geographical location is important to note when differentiating between these two musical genres.
Reason for Edit: This section had a disconnect between the American folk and country music sentences. Since American folk music is linked to Appalachia, it was important to provide more information about it.
Thompson, Deborah J. "Searching for silenced voices in Appalachian music." GeoJournal, 2006.
https://link-springer-com.wvu.idm.oclc.org/search?dc.title=Searching+for+silenced+voices+in+Appalachian+music&date/facet-mode=between&facet-start-year=2006&dc.creator=Thompson&showAll=true
- @H703D: Hi Hannah, Dr. Sarraf here. I love your expansion to the article that explains the influences on American folk music. I wonder if the following sentence needs additional revision: "Additionally, country music is more associated with rural areas in the southern United States." You could draw attention to the difference in regions by tweaking the transition. "Additionally" means "also," whereas I think the better choice is "conversely," since you want to show a contrast between country music and American folk music. Also, you might add something like, "Conversely, country music is associated with a different region: rural areas in the southern United States." The addition of "different region" may help readers see the contrast more clearly. KjessJKT (talk) 14:39, 25 February 2021 (UTC)
Peer Review Response edit
Hello! After reading the original content and the revised content, I was able to see how necessary some of the changes were. The first sentence revised was well worded in order to make it less wordy and more concise. I think the reference made to what cultures influenced folk music was a good addition, in order to add a source. The reason for your edit is important for the readers as well. I think the last two sentences could be combined to create a simplified, yet informative section. Maybe it could be revised to " Country music being more associated southern U.S. locations, the geographical location is key to differentiating the two genres. ". The sentences are also very well organized! Skiv99! (talk) 19:08, 25 February 2021 (UTC)