User talk:GbrooksPDXStudent/sandbox2

Evaluations

5/23/19 Evaluation by User:BethanyJJohnson

• Points: 32/40
• Grade: 80%

Spelling/Grammar 4 "However, from 2011 to 2013 the gross expenditure of SMEs " I think this is an incomplete sentence. Other than that, I haven't caught any spelling or grammar issues.

Language 3 "Berlin, as a German state", I would maybe rephrase this. I'm not sure the Berlin is considered a state of Germany.

Organization 3 I really like the chart and images, but would maybe move the chart to be below the first paragraph. It seems a little out of place where it currently is.

Coding 3 You have a few full sentences in bold, I don't think this is normal for articles, I think bold is only for headings.

Validity 4 Everything seems valid to me.

Completion 2 In the companies section, could you add a bit about how some of these specific companies have contributed to the economy?

Relevance 4 Meets standards

Sources 3 Great in number, but would love to see some peer-reviewed sources!

Citations 3 Could use more citations, notably middle section of "companies" DB image needs a citation

References 3 16 sources is great! But maybe find a couple of academic sources as well?

BethanyJJohnson (talk) 22:40, 23 May 2019 (UTC)

5/23/19 Evaluation by Joshua Gramley

Hey Garett! Thanks for passing this link on--I'm happy I had a chance to check out/review your article.

Spelling/Grammar nearly meets standards. See Bethany's ID of a sentence fragment above.

Language meets standards. Really nice writing overall; good flow, and consistently objective-sounding.

Organization meets standards.

Coding nearly meets standards; see Bethany's point about bolding above, although I'm guessing that may have some work-in-progress significance for you. Also, just FYI, there does appear to be a Wiki page to link to for Investitionsbank Berlin.

Validity meets standards; everything seems valid.

Completion hmm...seems like part of the text here came from the original Berlin page, in which case, you probably have some more to add. Would be super interesting to see something to do with immigration worked in here; maybe the video we watched the other week, with the section on Kreuzberg, could be a good resource?

Relevance meets standards. You're obviously working hard to add precise, relevant detail to this page.

Sources ...if the bold text represents the material you've added, then it seems like you still need more sources. If all 16 sources are yours, on the other hand, then you're already going above and beyond! Nice that you have city statistics; agree with Bethany that peer-reviewed stuff would help round out the picture.

Citations nearly meets standards. The placement of source citations for 14 and 15 feels a little wonky; I feel like 14 should come after the comma, and 15 might be better at the very end of the sentence.

References nearly meets standards--need to fix a date value on reference 5 (I've learned that if you click on a citation number in your text, it will pop up with your reference, and offer you an "edit" button in the upper right-hand corner of the box; by clicking that, you can go in and fix date stuff.)

Alright--keep plugging away at this, and let me know if you need a second look before the deadline tomorrow! (Messaging me through d2l is best, or you can email.) Good luck! Joshua Gramley (talk) 04:59, 24 May 2019 (UTC)

6/6/2019 Evaluation by DrMichaelWright

DrMichaelWright (talk) 08:52, 7 June 2019 (UTC) Well, this is a disappointment. :-(

• Points: 26/40
• Grade: 65%

Spelling/Grammar

Does not meet standard.

• "However, from 2011 to 2013 the gross expenditure of SMEs Several major corporations..." Your sentence runs into the next without completing.
• "Google has seen the potential of Berlin as a center for innovation, pledging money to local tech firms, such as Factory Berlin, and originally planning to open their own campus in Kreuzberg before being rejected by the city." It would be good to iron out the verb tenses here.

Language

Nearly meets standard.

• "Of these sectors, the most important is health services..." Health services is not mentioned in the previous paragraph. Therefore the 'Of these' is incorrect. Medical engineering comes close, but it is not the same thing. Also, is this really noteworthy? It strikes me that health services are usually a large, if not the largest, sector of employment and income in a large city.

Organization

Meets standard.

Coding

Nearly meets standard.

• There is a code error in your OECD reference.

Validity

Does not meet standard.

• "...many of them tech firms." This is not supported by the article.
• "...pledging money..." The article says 'funding', which suggests that it has done beyond the pledging stage.
• "... to local tech firms, such as Factory Berlin..." Factory Berlin is not a tech firm. It is a startup hub and office park that supports tech firms.
• "...before being rejected by the city." While not wholly invalid, it does suggest that the city's government rejected Google, while it was more of a citizens' movement. This could have been specified.

Completion

Standard? You have added very little: a smidgen of text and three medium-quality sources.

Relevance

Meets standard.

Sources

Does not meet standard.

• You have added three non-academic sources, rather than the requirement of ten mostly academic sources.

Citations

Does not meet standard.

• Just for accounting purposes:
  • Original notes: 1,2,3,4,6,7,8,9,10,11,12,13,16
  • Your added notes: 5,14,15.
• Note 14 should come after the comma.
• Note 15 should come at the end of the sentence.

References

Nearly meets standard.

• Your three added sources lack publication dates. The OECD one took a little finding, since it required finding the whole report, published in 2010. The other two were readily available.