User talk:Fresh oolong/sandbox
Feedback for Week 9 Exercise edit
Hi there,
I thought the introduction was well written. It explained the concept clearly and concisely in easy to understand language. The citations in the section on Patterns were excellent. The biggest problem I saw however, was with the citations in the introduction. The ones that are there are placed ambiguously, and many statements are missing a citation all together. Reviewing the citations in the introduction would help avoid any unintended plagiarism in the article. I liked that there was a reference to the figure to illustrate the point more clearly. I'll have to try and integrate something like that into my article as well!
Cheers, Jason
Jawarner85 (talk) 00:21, 5 November 2018 (UTC)
Lindsee's Peer Review edit
Edits to Reverse Migration (birds) >Great job! From the get-go, I would have a broader introduction of what reverse migration is. You don't really give a definition of what reverse migration actually is and I think that would help with direction of the whole article >The phrase "...this programming goes wrong..." is a little bit weak, I would reword to not include "goes wrong" > For the sentence excerpt "Keith Vinicombe suggested that birds from east of Lake Baikal in Siberia (circled) could not occur", I'm not sure if "could not occur" is the best wording, maybe say "could not survive" or something along those lines. >I'm unsure if the last paragraph is entirely relevant to the rest of the article as the weaknesses of reverse migration is not mentioned before now.
Edits to Patterns in Reverse Migration >You can condense a lot of the info under the first sub-heading rather than have so many short and choppy sentences >Perhaps place a comma after "Using radio tracking" in the second sentence under the second sub-heading
Overall Comments > Make sure to give your figures titles with numbers so you can refer to them more clearly in the article itself >Great topic choice, very interesting! I think a stronger introduction will really pull all of the points together and make it much more cohesive. You did an awesome job :) — Preceding unsigned comment added by Lindseeclark (talk • contribs) 00:16, 8 November 2018 (UTC)