User talk:Fabulous-Fishy/Clean technology

Peer Review 2

Peer Review 2

Neutral Voice

--I think you have a neutral tone in most of your edits. Two sentences that stood out to me for neutral tone were in paragraph 5 under “Implementation Worldwide” Note: I added an asterisk where you need to edit for grammar reasons.

--The other factor that determine(s)* the success of clean technology is how it is perceived by (the)* public and its social impact. Community involvement and observable benefits of these technologies can dramatically influence their adoption and popularity.

--It would be easy to talk in one way or another about the public and its greater influence on clean tech. I like that you just simply stated that public opinion and perception has an effect.

--The aim highlights India’s quest towards shifting from a top greenhouse gas emitter to a renewable energy champion. This is an edit from the first paragraph in “Implementation worldwide.” Calling a country a “renewable energy champion” feels not neutral to me. I would word it differently.

Close Paraphrasing and Plagiarism

--I ran your edits through Grammarly’s plagiarism checker and there were no issues.

--I skimmed through your sources and didn’t notice any red flags with paraphrasing.

Readability

--Generally, I found a lot of your edits to be wordy and hard to follow. You need to work on making your sentences more clear and concise. For example, here’s a edit you added to the third paragraph in “Investment Worldwide”:

Investment in clean technology has grown significantly, with a considerable impact on production costs and productivity, especially, within energy intensive industries.

If it were me, I would write:

Investment in clean technology has had a considerable impact on production costs and productivity within energy intensive industries.

--Paragraph 2 under “Implementation Worldwide”: The study emphasizes the need for removing these obstacles for renewable energy to become more available and attractive thus benefiting all parties such as local communities and producers. What study are you referring to here?

--From the last paragraph. Sustainability when combined with clean technology focuses on the central environmental issues of learning how to fulfill the need of Earth’s resources and the requirement for fast industrialization and consuming of the energy. I don’t know what you are trying to say here.

--I’m not sure if your edit in the last paragraph is necessary. It reads to me like a closing paragraph in an essay more than an edit related to implementation of clean tech worldwide.

--There were several grammatical errors in your article edits. I suggest copying and pasting everything into a Google Doc and going through it sentence by sentence to make corrections. Lots of run on sentences too, watch for heavy comma use.

--India’s ambitious renewable energy targets have become the model for a swift clean energy shift. The government aimed to reach a 175 GW capacity of renewable energy up to 2022. Thus (*this) included a big contribution from wind (60 GW) and solar energy (100 GW). I thought that these sentences were effectively written and straight to the point. Good job!

Rubric

Lead Section: N/A

Article: The article itself is organized relatively well, so I think that your additions just make it stronger. Just out of curiosity, was this article listed as a stub or c class?

References: Good references! This is a broad topic, so what you added feels appropriate.

Existing article: Your additions make the article better, but I think you could make it even stronger by adding in a specific example of a time where public opposition to clean tech caused delays in projects or got rid of them entirely.

Final Questions/Considerations

--Greatest strength: including the topic of public perception and its effects of clean tech overhaul. This was an important theme throughout the quarter so it’s great to see you adding a couple paragraphs about it in your edit.

--Needs Improvement: Overall clarity in what you are trying to say. Writing in a neutral tone gives you an opportunity to be very to the point. Something that helps me when writing is typing out everything, then going line by line and thinking “how can I say the same thing with fewer words?”

Sandpiper798 (talk) 19:05, 7 March 2024 (UTC)