User talk:Eliphaletnott/Union College

Latest comment: 15 years ago by Bearian in topic Athletics

Some issues noted while reading/copy editing

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Issues listed per section of the article:

Founding

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I think that's it for this section; feel free to respond under each bullet to respond (type ** to make a bullet indented past the first one). upstateNYerformerly wadester16 03:52, 31 August 2009 (UTC)Reply

Etymology

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  • Perhaps in the last sentence, rather than saying "sectarian control", it be changed to "sectarian influence"? The word control seems too negative to me.
Otherwise, this section is good. upstateNYerformerly wadester16 03:52, 31 August 2009 (UTC)Reply

Architecture and design

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upstateNYerformerly wadester16 01:38, 1 September 2009 (UTC)Reply
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The "Distinguished alumni (selected)" section has a promotional tone that doesn't use the neutral point of view. I suggest making it less of an argument about how succesful Union College alumni have been, and letting the sources and entries speak for themselves. Also, I'm concerned about the number of external links in the text. WP:EL says External links should not normally be used in the body of an article. Instead, include appropriate external links in an "External links" section at the end of the article, and in the appropriate location within an infobox, if applicable. On the whole, the article looks like a great improvement. Thanks for the effort.   Will Beback  talk  05:14, 31 August 2009 (UTC)Reply

I plan to reduce the links as I complete my copyediting of the article. upstateNYerformerly wadester16 11:47, 31 August 2009 (UTC)Reply

Rewrite of the lead

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Can this section from the current lead be worked into the history section? It is too in-depth for the lead and is missing from the history section; it is interesting and notable enough to be here, just not in the lead:

Certain that General Burgoyne's defeat at the Battle of Saratoga two years before would mean a new nation, nearly 1,000 citizens of northern New York (which then included what eventually became Vermont) began the first popular demand for higher education in America.[1] Local academic and religious activists persisted in these efforts for sixteen years until the Regents of the University of the State of New York recognized the school with that institution's first charter.[2]
Thanks. upstateNYerformerly wadester16 00:25, 1 September 2009 (UTC)Reply

Rankings

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Rankings added from current web editions of US News and Forbes. Eliphaletnott (talk) 15:21, 1 September 2009 (UTC)Reply

Athletics

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I will work on an expansion of the Athletics section. Eliphaletnott (talk) 17:03, 2 September 2009 (UTC)Reply

Yes, as noted, "A link to Achilles Rink is definitely warranted." Otherwise, this looks fantastic! Bearian (talk) 21:01, 8 September 2009 (UTC)Reply

Pictures

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First of all, bravo on the revision of the article. It obviously includes some well-thought changes and major effort. Please change the picture of the Nott Memorial (at the top of the article) to a picture of the Official Seal of Union College. Use other wiki pages of colleges / universities as a guide; they all have their official seal at the top of the article. Also, what happened to the list of well-known alumni that was in the previous article? —Preceding unsigned comment added by Adotj (talkcontribs) 16:21, September 2, 2009 (UTC)

If you look at the wikicode, the official seal and logo are both there, but commented out. These images are fair use, and cannot be used outside of the actual Union College article. Also commented out are relevant categories and some other information that is not yet pertinent to the rewrite. Once we migrate it over, the images and categories will be included. upstateNYerformerly wadester16 22:18, 2 September 2009 (UTC)Reply

The distinguished alumni section has been radically expanded and made more inclusive; it is in the collapsed subsections under "Distinguished Alumni". Probably, after the dust settles, it should all be moved to a daughter page. Eliphaletnott (talk) 23:10, 2 September 2009 (UTC)Reply

  1. ^ Fox, Dixon Ryan (1945). Union College: An Unfinished History. Schenectady: Union College. p. 10.
  2. ^ Fortenbaugh, Jr., Samuel B. (1978). In Order to Form a More Perfect Union: An Inquiry into the Origins of a College. Schenectady: Union College Press. p. 3.