Cthums
| This user is a student editor in Florida_Atlantic_University/ENC_1939_with_Emily_(Fall_2019) . |
Welcome!
editHello, Cthums, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Shalor and I work with the Wiki Education Foundation; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.
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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 16:27, 10 September 2019 (UTC)
Draft notes
editHi! I have some notes for you on your draft:
- This needs editing for tone and style. At present the section about the controversies and criticism is written more like a news report or story than a neutral Wikipedia article - it needs to be more to the fact. It's also a little confusing since everything runs together into one big paragraph. You also want to avoid writing in a too casual style, using phrases such as "taking things into their own hands".
- The content lacks sourcing, which is very important since they not only back up details but also shows where all of these are notable enough things to mention in the article.
- Building on the last point, I'm not sure that all of these controversies are really notable enough to add to the article. Wikipedia tends to only cover very major controversies and incidents, things that gain a lot of coverage in independent and reliable sources. Most local incidents and controversies don't meet that standard. It may not be right that they don't, but part of this is done in order to prevent topics from having very minor details added and bogging down the page, as well as to ensure that it doesn't get too sensationalistic or run the risk of including content that isn't really of note.
- I think that Robert Hayes and the Eric Holder led investigation would be worth mentioning given the amount of coverage out there and the Invictus content might be, however the rest of the content doesn't look to be noteworthy enough to justify including in the article. I looked up the rest and only saw a smattering of local coverage, not enough to justify including the other material.
As far as the section on hiring practices, this is all too much detail for the article. It would be good to add to the overall article on police officers, but it would be seen as too much miscellaneous detail for a specific sheriff's office, especially as these are all things that look to be standard for hiring police officers. I would look at articles like the one on the Prince George's County Sheriff's Office to see what is typically included and how the article is written. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 18:52, 16 October 2019 (UTC)