Carolinaann94
Welcome!
editHello, Carolinaann94, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Adam and I work with the Wiki Education Foundation; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.
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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Adam (Wiki Ed) (talk) 16:12, 3 February 2016 (UTC)
One major change to draft
editHi Carolinaann94. I think your draft adds a lot of information and context for the reader, but I would substantially reduce the number of inline quotes used. Wikipedia articles should and do include quotes from authors on various subjects, but especially for issues like these a reader is better served by a summary of the point in your own words. In this case you have four paragraphs and ten quotes (or thereabouts). Try to express the idea you want to get across in each paragraph with at most one quote each. If you discover that someone has described a topic in a unique way or an especially succinct way or their exact words are important to convey to the reader in text, you should quote them. Otherwise try to summarize their point in your own words. Adam (Wiki Ed) (talk) 18:16, 29 March 2016 (UTC)
additions to identity politics
editHi, Carolinaann94. Thanks for removing some of those quotes from your addition to Identity politics. I'd say what the section needs now is a broader set of voices. There are two paragraphs devoted to Crenshaw's critique, but only one paragraph on a critique from another author. What are other voices in the literature saying about the intersectional critique of identity politics? What did other authors say about Crenshaw's work? Are there different intersectional critiques? Adding these in will help the article reflect a broader view of the subject.
I'd also recommend searching for places where you can wikilink terms or concepts in order to make your writing more concise. I removed this line "The concept of intersectionality serves to better understand that certain peoples may be oppressed based on more than one aspect of their identity and that salience of any particular identity is related to context." (among some others) because I think the reader can get that from visiting the intersectionality article if they're curious and might be glad it's not there if they already know it.
I'm happy with the improvements you've made to the page. It's a tough article to improve (since so little of it is well cited) and you've done a good job so far. What do you think about my questions/suggestions above? Adam (Wiki Ed) (talk) 16:49, 11 April 2016 (UTC)