User talk:11boba/Golf Wang

First round of feedback

Hi @11boba:, nice work on your article so far. It seems like you have rewritten the lead, corrected some facts, added citations, and improved citations in the existing text. These are all solid improvements to the article. Next, I hope that you'll add some new information from the sources that you've found. Right now much of the article is just a list of different products. I wonder if there's a way to rewrite that section in a more interesting way, perhaps by citing or quoting some commentary or reviews of the fashion line. I'd look to more well-developed articles about higher-profile fashion brands for inspiration about this.

Another suggestion I have is that I think for an article about fashion, this one would benefit from images of the clothes. This is kind of tricky as you can't just upload any image to Wikipedia, the image has to be licensed to Wikipedia under a permissive creative commons license. The best way around this might be to take your own picture of an item that you (or a friend) own, then you can upload the photo to wikimedia commons and include it in the article. This would be totally optional. I'm just trying to help think of ways you might improve the article.

By the way. I see that you've been tracking your changes to the article manually using formatting (i.e. you're removing text by striking it through and leaving unchanged text in bold). This isn't necessary at all! Wikipedia automatically keeps track of the changes that you make. You can see them by clicking the 'view history' tab at the top of the page and then comparing selected revisions. The diffs show up in Wikitext. The way you're doing it isn't a problem, but it will make it a little bit awkward to integrate your changes with the live version of the article.

Overall, I think you're off to a good start, especially in correcting some of the weaknesses of the current article. I'm really excited to see how it will develop further.

Groceryheist (talk) 00:11, 25 January 2021 (UTC)

Message from Thaonguyen050300

Hi @11boba:, I've just done peer review for your article! I can see your enthusiasm for the article. Great work! =) Thaonguyen050300 (talk) 23:39, 1 February 2021 (UTC)

Hi @Thaonguyen050300: thank you so much for your peer review! 11boba (talk) 01:26, 6 February 2021 (UTC)

Second round of feedback

Hey @11boba:, it's great to see your continued work on your article. Thaonguyen050300 has left you some really valuable feedback User:11boba/Golf_Wang/Thaonguyen050300_Peer_Review. I agree with her that you've done a really great job collecting and sourcing facts about the brand, but that there's still a lot of room to improve the organization and presentation of the information.

My advice at this point is that you can stop adding sources or creating new sections. You've already done quite a lot to expand the article. I suggest that you first spend some time simply rearranging the information into organized sections and rewriting sentences to make the article easier to read. You might add some filler sentences and other "connective tissue" that introduce the sections and explain the significance of different pieces of information. This applies not only to the material that you've added but also to the content of the original article (which is not particularly well written or organized). I think you should probably blend information from your new section on collaborations and fashion shows with the prior section on "Golf de Fleur*" so that all the material about each line is in one place.

Once you've done this reorganization and rewriting I think you'll be on track to raise the quality of this article from wp:start-class to wp:c-class. The final piece remaining will be to polish the article and prepare to make your changes live by migrating them into the main space. I suggest you take a look at my page on polishing your article for ideas for your next round of work on this project. I especially think that doing things like adding wikilinks, "also see" links, categories, and external links are good things to do when polishing an article. I also suggest that you spend some time carefully copyediting the information you've already added to make it as easy to read as possible while maintaining an wp:encyclopedic tone. This is really important so that we can remove the "reads like an advertisement" banner.

Reach out to me when you're ready for more feedback or if you think you're ready to make your article live. I'm really looking forward to seeing this article when you're done with it! Good work so far. Groceryheist (talk) 20:10, 4 February 2021 (UTC)

Suggested steps before publishing your article.

Hi @11boba:. Here are a few more points that I think you can improve on your article as you get ready to publish it.

• Integrate your "Collaborations" section with the section on the current version of the article
• Polish the wikilinks you added so the article titles don't interfere with the readability of the prose. For example instead of Converse (shoe company) you can write the link as Converse when it's clear that we're talking about the converse she company.
• Remove the bold-face formatting from the GOLF le FLEUR* section.
• I also think it would be good to add some links to the "See Also" and "External Links". (See the page on polishing your article which I linked above).