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Washington-Baltimore Tunnel War

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For other tunnel wars, see Tunnel War (disambiguation).

Washington-Baltimore Tunnel War
Part of North American Post-Nuclear Wars
Date October 7, 2041– July 23, 2043 Location Washington, D.C. and Baltimore Result Washington victory Territorial changes Washington annexes Lower Baltimore
Belligerents
United Front of Washington	Baltimore Citizen's State
Commanders and leaders
Preston Lauren	Georgia Hulst
Casualties and losses
Military dead: 233 Military wounded: 358 Civilian dead: 91	Military dead: 384 Military wounded: 512 Civilian dead: 43

The Washington-Baltimore Tunnel War, often nicknamed The Primitive War or The First Tunnel War, was a conflict between the United Front of Washington (Washington) and the Baltimore Citizen's State (Baltimore) which lasted from 2041 to 2043. It primarily took place in the former U.S. state of Maryland, between Washington, D.C. and Baltimore. It is notable as the first major war in the post-nuclear era of North American history, and the first war in history to be fought almost completely underground. 617 volunteer militia members and 134 citizens were killed in the conflict, along with 870 militia members wounded.

After the Global Nuclear Event decimated the world's largest cities on September 23, 2041, many global governments collapsed soon after. In their wake, they left fractured states and factions, living in bunkers and competing over limited resources. Two of these factions were Washington, the former capital of the United States where most of the former government had survived, and Baltimore, the nearest big city that was not directly bombed.

The former president of the United States, INSERT NAME HERE, survived, and was unanimously elected by the surviving congress members as President of the United Front of Washington. The Vice President, INSERT NAME HERE, who was visiting New York on September 23, was killed in the blast. Washington elected house speaker Preston Lauren as Vice President. Due to his experience in military, he was also appointed as Commander-in-chief of the Washington military, breaking the U.S. WORD that the President was to hold that position.

Planets in the Solar System by Population

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Rank	Planet	Population
1	Earth	~8,000,000,000
2	Jupiter	0
3	Mars	0
4	Mercury	0
5	Neptune	0
6	Saturn	0
7	Uranus	0
8	Venus	0

Nick Schnok

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

"Niko Schenk" redirects here.

Nick Schnok
Born	Niko Schenk February 3, 2008
Died	February 22, 2046 Pennsylvania State Prison
Cause of death	Ruptured esophagus
Nationality	United States
Education	High-school dropout
Known for	Founder, lead guitarist, and vocalist of Nullifier Longing; Former CEO of Nick's Staples
Notable work	If I Had A Hammer I'd Make a Thousand Staplers
Criminal charges	Tax fraud
Criminal penalty	40 years in prison

Nick Schnok (born Nicholas Dimitri Schenk; February 3, 2008 – February 22, 2046) was an American musician, industrialist, and convicted felon.

Schnok's musical career began when he founded a satirical band in high school called This Is Not A Joke I Want To Commit Tax Fraud. The band was not at all popular, however, likely because the music mostly consisted of the band's drummer, Aidan Hart, hitting the snare as hard and fast as he could, while Schnok talked at length about his plans to start a stapler empire and commit exorbitant amounts of tax fraud.

Schnok's band was so unpopular, in fact, that he was chased off of his high school campus by a mob of his classmates, all wielding fire extinguishers and fencing swords. Disheartened, he dropped out of high school and started a new band, this time hoping to draw a true audience. The band was originally known as Hunters Convention, but was changed to Nullifier Longing after Schnok developed hyperveganist views. Nullifier Longing, or simply Longing as it came to be known by fans, was extremely popular. The band's genre has been described as death metal, grindcore, and sometimes deathstep (a portmanteau of death metal and dubstep). The band's most popular song, "If I Had a Hammer I'd Make a Thousand Staplers," (often abbreviated to "1000 Staplers") would top the Billboard Hot 100 at #8 in 2029.

In 2030, at the peak of Longing's overall popularity, members Hudson Patim and Frank McHaulis got into a disagreement onstage during a concert. The reason they were arguing is unclear, but many speculate that Patim had eaten McHaulis' macaroni salad that day without asking. As the argument got more heated, despite the efforts of the tech crew and other members to calm him down, McHaulis picked up his pedal steel guitar and beat Patim to death live on stage. McHaulis, who always concealed his face under the severed head of a Chuck-E-Cheese animatronic, escaped into the dense mosh pit with the mask removed. He was never found. This event is cited as the primary reason the band broke up fifteen days later.

After the breakup of the band, Schnok legally changed his name to try to distance himself from his past, and started a small stapler manufacturing business called Nick's Staples. Through many successful deals, marketing campaigns, and successful business strategies, and (unbeknownst to many) tax fraud, the business grew rapidly. In 2033, it was ranked as the 27th highest valued company in the world. It is estimated that at one point, every American owned an average of 43.2 Nick's Staples staplers. In 2037, suspicions of the legality of Schnok's business arose when the original demo tapes of This Is Not A Joke I Want To Commit Tax Fraud were uncovered in the basement of Schnok's high school. The extremely specific nature of Schnok's lyrics led the FBI to conduct a formal investigation into Nick's Staples. They found that Schnok had been regularly evading business taxes with the same exact methods described in those original demo tapes. Schnok was arrested the next day in his Pennsylvania mansion and subsequently charged with 40 years in prison. He died after only nine years, however, after ingesting forty-seven Nick's Staples brand staples and one and a half Nick's Staples brand staplers.

Walker Savio

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Walker Savio
Nationality	American
Movement	Hyperveganism
Criminal charges	Gaming
Criminal penalty	30 years in prison
Criminal status	Released

Walker Savio (born February 12, 2008) is an American experimental chef, organic life activist, and convicted gamer.

Shortly after Savio graduated high school, she developed a set of beliefs now known as hyperveganism. In the manifesto she wrote on the subject, she claims that she realized one fatal flaw of typical veganism – that it requires the inhumane slaughter of plants and/or fungi. Therefore, she argued, the only humane way to gain nutrients as a human is to solely consume inorganic materials.

Savio first became known for her restaurant in St. Louis, Human Consumption. Human Consumption was founded in 2033, and was marketed as "a beautiful alternative to destructive human diets." The name was a play on the phrase "not fit for human consumption," which Savio predicted would be a common headline following the opening. The menu originally consisted of many inorganic dishes, such as Plate of Salt and Steel Trinket of the Day. Most infamous, however, was the dish dubbed Inconceivable Meat. Inconceivable Meat was a play on the popular products Impossible Meat and Beyond Meat, and was described on the menu as "a hyperveganist take on the vegan meat alternative." The dish was comprised primarily of small glass spheres, painted red and glued together with wet clay. It and the restaurant became the subject of an extensive FBI investigation into the legality of Human Consumption after the dish was consumed by a new employee who, mistaking it for a rare morsel of real meat, took a bite without the proper precautions and choked to death. Savio was fined roughly $845,000 in OSHA violations, and was forced to close restaurant in July of 2050.

In debt and desperate for work, Savio joined an up-and-coming League of Legends esports team known as LilacLeague. The team rose in the League leaderboards slowly, but at its peak, it was 3rd in the world, with Savio as its lead player. By 2056, however, President Ohas Upadhyay enacted his controversial Esports Act of 2056. This act banned all esports and esports teams, effective immediately. In protest, all members of LilacLeague played a scrimmage game of League of Legends on the steps of the United States Capitol building. They were immediately arrested. Savio was given no trial and immediately received 30 years in prison, but was released after only three days after successfully bribing Upadhyay for $35.80 to let her out. She then moved to a large abandoned junkyard, where she lives today off of scrap metal and stagnant water.

French Horn War

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

French Horn War
Date 1769 to 1773 Location London and North Pole Result Inconclusive
Belligerents
Olaudah Equiano	Royal London Orchestra Royal Hairdresser's League
Units involved
Olaudah Equiano	15th Royal Infantry Division Horn section of Royal London Orchestra ~200 angry barbers
Casualties and losses
None	1 injured

The French Horn War, also called the Hairdresser's War, was an unarmed conflict from 1769 to 1773. It purportedly concerned writer and abolitionist Olaudah Equiano's "near-superhuman" skill at both hairdressing and the French horn, although many historians argue that Equiano's abolitionist beliefs were a more primary cause. The conflict mostly consisted of Equiano going about his daily business as various barbers, French horn players, and British soldiers attempted to prank him. These pranks were usually ill-thought-out and childish deceptions, such as placing a bucket of water over the door to his house (which immediately fell on the people placing it), and placing a Whoopee Cushion on one of the seats in his barbershop. Most of this took place in London, where Equiano lived and worked, but he was followed by a British ship on his voyage to the North Pole, which attempted to throw water balloons and eggs at him. Most of these missed and fell into the sea. It is generally agreed that the conflict ended when a French horn player sustained injuries from a Snake-In-A-Can, a prank meant to resemble a typical can of peanuts but which is actually filled with a spring-loaded plastic snake. The device backfired and broke the player's nose, and a ceasefire was agreed to over a haircut.

List of People by Similarity of Their Name to "Ari Bahat"

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Rank	Name
1	Ari Bahat
2	Aria Bayat
3	Arin Banak