User:Valjean/Unidentified Flying Reindeer

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Note: This humorous content was written while researching and developing the content at the bottom, which is now used in several places.

Unidentified Flying Reindeer (UFR, a type of UFO) refers to purported sightings of the flying reindeer which pull the sleigh of Santa Claus, usually reported around Christmas time. Since about 1940, the reports have often claimed to clearly identify the legendary Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, and even reported hearing harness bells and hoof sounds on rooftops.^[1] Confirmation of these reports is rendered next to impossible because of the unintelligible babblings of the drunken reportees. The matter is complicated even further by the fact that Rudolph is dead, a matter kept secret from children.

Rudolph's demise edit

Rudolph doesn't exist anymore, since I shot him in August of 1990 on a reindeer hunting expedition in Godthåb fjord, Greenland. I shot four deer (including Rudolph) on that day. Reindeer is the finest tasting lean red meat one can imagine.^[2] We ate part of him for Christmas dinner. This fact is not commonly known, and small children should be spared this knowledge. If your children learn this and don't cry, then something's wrong with them.

By reindeer standards, he was very old (about 51 years old at the time, much older than the normal 12-15 year life expectancy of normal reindeer in Greenland), but that's because he was a magical reindeer. Although Santa's Reindeer are reported to have an infinite lifespan^[1] under normal conditions, Rudolph's life came to an abrupt end, therefore any sightings of Rudolph since then are sightings of imposters, and can be classed with other UFR and UFO sightings.

I suspect he had many off-spring, since one can sometimes catch glimpses of reddish lights at night, especially when one's night vision has been affected by the liberal imbibement of alcoholic beverages. It can be improved even more when enjoying snaps flavored with bilberries (related to blueberries). Some Inuit flavor snaps with the contents (leaves, seeds, flowers, berries) of a special food "pouch" (rypekro) found under the tongue of the rock ptarmigan.^[3]^[4] When dried the pouch makes a fine little baby rattle.

A panoramic photo of Nuuk taken in October 2006. (See enlarged image)

Hunting trip details edit

Rudolph was the third deer to fall that day, shot with a Sako "Hunter" model .30-06 caliber rifle. He had been wandering with another reindeer, which was shot about 30 minutes before Rudolph met his fate. Rudolph nearly got away, but apparently decided to stop to graze and was spotted nearly 130 yards away and was hit with the first shot. He then ran about 30 yards, disappearing around a hillside bend. I thought I had missed him and that he had escaped, but I found him in the grass and bushes where he had fallen.^[5] He was too large to carry, as I had already shot two other deer that day, and I had to come back for him the next day. About 30 minutes later I shot my fourth deer that day, so I had a lot of work the next day! I covered the last two deer with space blankets so I could find them again, and to keep ravens and foxes away.

To make matters worse, the next day was our time to break camp and end our hunt. While the others broke camp and sailed our equipment and animals across a lake, I climbed back up into the hills to get Rudolph and then had to carry him about two miles to our rendezvous point, which was where our boat was anchored up. Much to my horror, when I arrived there before the others, the boat was gone! That could have been disastrous if it had been bad weather. (In Greenland, it can occasionally snow in August.) The boat was anchored just downstream from a very powerful waterfall,^[6] and the boat anchors (we used two of them, the current was so strong) had been pulled up, allowing the boat to drift downstream to a large area of mudbanks^[7] composed of glacial silt that are exposed at low tide, where it ended up laying on its side and was in danger of filling with water and capsizing. Fortunately, it was saved and we made it home alright after a very successful hunting trip.

The trip was remarkable in many ways, and the Northern lights were especially spectacular. We were three men and one woman, and used two conjoined tents. We were in an area called Ilulialik,^[8]^[9] which is a continuation of the northernmost end of Godthåb's fjord north of Bird Mountain (Fuglefjeldet).^[10]^[11] It is easily visible (including the mudbanks)^[7] using Google Earth.

The trip included sailing in a slow diesel fishing boat for ten hours, use of an inflatable rubber boat and a folding canoe,^[12] hiking, backpacking, lots of high calorie camping food, good backpacks, warm sleeping bags, and fortunately great weather. Our weapon calibers were .30-06 Springfield, .243 Winchester, and a 6.5×55mm. My next rifle will be a .243. While my .30-06 performed very well, it has a lot of recoil, while the .243 is much easier on the shoulder.